


From Hell to Heaven and back

by FuckYeahChilton



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Desus - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First everything for Daryl, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Kissing, M/M, Pre Zombie Apocalypse leading to Zombie Apocalypse, Rick Ships It, Self Confidence Issues, Stubborn Daryl Dixon, Stubborn Paul Rovia, Survival, Switching, Traumatized Daryl Dixon, Trust Issues, Walkers, darus - Freeform, time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-09-23 19:40:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 54,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9673157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuckYeahChilton/pseuds/FuckYeahChilton
Summary: After a painful loss, Paul Rovia goes on his final journey to hopefully end the darkest chapter of his life. On his way to recovery, a guy named Daryl crosses his path. Will that unexpected encounter change his life for the better or even for worse? And what if you can't help falling in love with the wrong person when you suddenly have to stick together because the whole world around you goes to hell...





	1. Straight to heaven

**Author's Note:**

> My way to deal with Desus negativity in the fandom? Writing! Jump on board if you like, the ship keeps sailing! :3

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 1

 

 

 

 

It was a chilly night in the mountains of north Georgia, when a young man named Paul Rovia walked up a hill to reach a certain spot.  
It was New Year’s Eve and though he was alone and scared to go through with this, he was determined to stick to the plan.

 _We come back here next year, right?_ The voice of his boyfriend Alex echoed in his head.  
His ex boyfriend, to be more specific, though Paul still refused to call him that.  
This year had been just a few days old when Alex had decided to end his life without the slightest indication.  
Now this horrible year was about to end, a year full of suffering and dealing with the aftermath of losing the one he loved, the one who he thought would share the rest of his life with him…

Alex always wanted to see the fireworks from above so they had decided to brave the weather and go camping in the mountains.  
If he had planned to end his life anyway, why had he needed him to promise to come back this year…  
For whatever reason, Paul was there now, coming closer to their special place, the one with the best view.  
He had mixed feelings, his heart feeling heavy in his chest…  
With every step, it was beating faster and when he reached the spot, it skipped a beat the moment he saw the silhouette of a man, sitting on the deadfall they had used as bench.

For a moment, Paul thought he was imagining things that weren’t there, seeing Alex though he knew he was dead, but while he got closer, he realized there was actually someone sitting there.  
Here, in the middle of literally nowhere. 

Paul cleared his throat and the stranger turned around, looking at him though it was too dark to actually see much.  
“You are sitting on my spot,” Paul said without sounding reproachful.

“Didn’t see your name on that tree,” the stranger countered quietly and lit up a cigarette, giving the intruder a chance to see his face for a moment.

“Mind if I join you?” Paul asked because there were only two options, share or leave and he didn’t have anywhere else to be tonight. The stranger shrugged and shifted a little.

Paul sat down next to him and, without asking, swiped the lighter out of the other guy’s pocket to lit it up in front of the tree.  
“It’s actually there. There’s my name,” he said and the stranger bent over.

“Which one is you?” he asked after reading the names, carved into the wood.

“Paul.”

“Where’s Alex?”

“Not here, obviously...”

“Hm..” 

The stranger whipped the lighter out of his hand and slipped it back into his pocket.

“My lighter,” he warned and took a swig from the bottle he was holding in his right hand.

“And you are?” Paul asked and watched how the guy’s face lit up a bit again while taking a pull on his cigarette.

“Daryl,” the guy introduced himself and handed over the bottle. “Want some?”

“Sure. Thanks.” Paul said, took the bottle and sniffed at it suspiciously. 

“Moonshine. Good stuff,” Daryl assured and Paul took a swig.

“Smooth..” he coughed and shuddered. Daryl chuckled. “What are you doing up here all alone? Here for the fireworks?” 

“Exactly. It’s the best spot.”

“Yeah, I know.” 

Paul smiled. He had expected to be alone but having some company actually felt not that bad.  
It reminded him that the loss of his boyfriend wasn’t the end of everything. He was mourning his death for a year now and he knew the pain would always stay a part of him, but it shouldn’t stop him from living.

“Do you come here often?” he asked and took another swig from the bottle before he handed it back.

“I used to. Grew up not far from here. Haven’t been here for a while, though.” Daryl said.

“And _you_ just came for the fireworks?” Paul kept asking and Daryl shrugged. “Guess I needed a place to clear my head. Think ‘bout stuff, you know?”

“I hope I’m not interrupting your thinking.”

Daryl looked at Paul, biting his lower lip for a while. “Nah,” he decided and before Paul was able to reply something, the sound of firework started bursting through the silence from all kinds of directions.

“Happy new year, I guess?” Daryl said and without thinking, Paul grabbed his face and kissed him.  
He didn’t even care that Daryl certainly not looked like the type who wanted to be kissed by a stranger who had just started to grow a beard, he just did it out of an impulse or maybe he was suicidal as well.  
To his surprise, Daryl didn’t pull back. He didn’t kiss him back either but he let it happen and when Paul ended it, he didn’t look angry, just taken aback.

“What the hell was that?” he asked and Paul smiled. “On New Year’s Eve you’re a loser if you don’t have someone to kiss and you seemed kinda kissable,” he said, though he was thinking: ‘What the fuck is wrong with me?’ for kissing a complete stranger and excusing it with nonsense.

Daryl snorted. “If you say so,” he scoffed and turned away, taking a huge swig from the bottle and looked at the valley.  
Paul sighed and leaned his head against Daryl’s shoulder, watching the firework as well.  
Daryl didn’t seem to mind and the silence between them allowed both men to dwell on their own thoughts for a while.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out,” Paul said after a while and forced himself to sit up straight again.

“Do I look freaked out to you?”

“I don’t know. I think I just freaked out myself a little..” Paul laughed and Daryl cracked a smile, trying not to let shine through that this had been his first kiss and that he was freaked out as fuck but this guy didn’t know him. They were alone in the middle of nowhere and that gave him the opportunity to be anyone and right now he wanted to be someone who wasn’t freaked out and the alcohol helped to go through with it with ease.

“Is Alex a chick or a dude?” Daryl asked and Paul reached out for the bottle to drink some more before he answered: “Guy.”

“Then why did you freak yourself out?” Daryl wanted to know and Paul choked on the alcohol because he took a bit much at once and coughed.

“Well.. I’m a small guy, alone in the mountains in the middle of the night and you look pretty tough. You could easily throw me down that hill and chances are good they never find my body. Not that anyone would miss me.”

Now Daryl laughed and Paul’s heart jumped in his chest because that tough, grumpy guy turned out to be pretty cute when he laughed.

“You’ll survive this night, I promise,” he assured and Paul smiled. Suddenly a cold breeze hit them, making both men shudder.  
“May I invite you to my tent? I have a fireplace and marshmallows,” Paul offered and Daryl agreed with a short nod.  
“I ain’t sayin’ no to marshmallows.”

“Awesome. Let’s go!” Paul stood up and felt dizzy for a moment because that stuff he was drinking was pretty strong.  
“You okay?” Daryl asked, feeling a bit shaky on his legs himself.  
“I’m fine.. come on,” he said and grabbed Daryl’s wrist to pull him along.

“You sure you know where we’re going?” Daryl asked after they wandered through the woods for a while.  
“Sure. Look up there, there’s my fireplace.” Paul said, pointing up the hill and there was indeed a flickering light coming through the trees, making both climb faster.

Finally getting the chance to warm up a bit, Daryl settled down in front of the fire and warmed his hands.  
Paul just stared at Daryl for a moment, finally being able to see what he had brought home in his whole handsomeness.  
Aside from his shabby looks, Daryl was truly beautiful, especially in the warm light of the fire.  
He also looked a bit older than Paul had expected but that wasn’t bothering him much.

“What are you waiting for? Get them damn marshmallows!” Daryl demanded and Paul rushed into the tent, coming back with a pack of marshmallows and a woolen blanket.  
He settled down next to his guest and threw the blanket over their shoulders before he prepared a stick and handed it over to Daryl, then he prepared one for himself.

“Thanks,” Daryl said and nudged Paul’s shoulder playfully, smiling at him when he got a look for that. Paul smiled back. It felt like forever that someone was able to make him smile and he had missed that feeling. He didn’t even feel guilty anymore, in the end it had been Alex who had left him alone in this world. He had all rights to feel happiness and enjoy his life to the fullest. This night felt like a good start to leave the past in the past and finally go on looking into the future.

With the warmth of the fire and Daryl’s body close to his, he slowly relaxed and he felt Daryl do the same.  
They grilled some marshmallows in silence for a while, emptying Daryl’s bottle by turns and exchanged a look now and then. It wasn’t an awkward silence, the sound of the crackling fire was soothing and though both men couldn’t be more different, they felt comfortable around each other.

“Weirdest night ever.” Paul suddenly laughed while he tugged at his marshmallow, then stuffed the gooey candy into his mouth and licked his fingers clean.

Daryl chuckled. “Agree. But also a pretty good one so far,” he said, and flipped another smoked cigarette into the fire.

Paul’s mood lit up even more, hearing that.  
“Yeah? You enjoy it?”

“I have booze, cigarettes, a warm place, marshmallows, sharing all with someone who’s kind… What more could I ask for?”

“That..is not much to ask for..” Paul said and looked at Daryl.

For the first time after what felt like forever, Daryl dared to lock eyes with another human being. Usually he avoided eye contact but usually people also weren’t treating him nicely.  
Just now he realized how beautiful the guy next to him actually was and he felt blessed somehow, that he was allowed to spend this night with him.

“Hm.. Well, it is for me,” Daryl confessed quietly and tried to read what was going on behind those gorgeous bright eyes, but the opportunity to figure him out got taken away the moment he felt Paul’s lips on his once more.  
Paul pulled back a little only to check if it was okay what he was doing, searching for a sign of permission in Daryl’s eyes but Daryl wasn’t able to react.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t stop..” Paul mumbled and Daryl’s features softened a bit.

“Then don’t,” he replied and Paul didn’t need to be asked twice. Their lips melted together again and this time, Daryl kissed him back, carefully at first but he gained confidence fast.  
The mixed taste of alcohol, cigarettes and sweet marshmallows made Paul feel dizzy but he couldn’t get enough of it.  
It was exciting and terrifying all at once because he was supposed to have this moment with someone else, but that someone was gone forever and this one was very real and pretty amazing, also absolutely the last thing he had expected to find there that night.

Daryl interrupted only to catch a breath. Paul placed sloppy kisses along his jawline and whispered into his ear: “Wanna go inside?”  
His heart was about to explode, realizing what he just asked for. Daryl was a stranger but he was too drunk to care. After a whole year of abstinence, his body was craving for love, even if it was purely physical.

Daryl, still slightly out of breath, wasn’t able to manage anything but a short nod.  
Whatever Paul had in mind, he was up for it. He was a sweet, decent guy, he was experienced, Daryl was drunk enough to let his guard down, a chance like this wouldn’t come again.

From the moment they were inside the tent and the zipper was closed, Daryl completely lost control over his conscious mind.  
They started undressing each other with haste while they kept exchanging hungry kisses and before Daryl was able to realize what was happening, he found himself lying on his back and Paul on top of him, exploring his body.  
Every kiss, every single touch made him quiver with pleasure and it didn’t take long until his whole body was on fire.  
He closed his eyes and just gave himself over to a guy he barely knew but who made him feel so incredibly good.  
Paul was whispering things to him but his voice seemed dull and far away, then he breathed a kiss on his lips.  
Daryl’s eyelids fluttered and he tried to focus on Paul’s face, found his eyes and got lost in them.  
Though he wasn’t able to think straight anymore, it all felt right and he was ready to allow himself to get carried away by the heat of the moment.  
Just for once in his lifetime, Daryl wanted to experience how it felt, being close to someone, and this someone took him straight to heaven.

 

 

***

 

 


	2. Back to hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people who read this~ I just post the next chapter right away because why not =) ... Thanks to those who left kudos, it means a lot! What do you think, is this worth continuing? Leave me a comment if you like and happy TWD-Sunday everyone~

 

 

 

Chapter 2

 

 

 

When Daryl woke up, it was still dark outside. Only the light of the fire, shining through the tent, helped him to realize where he was.  
He needed a moment to figure out why he was naked, covered with a thick sleeping bag, but finding a guy in his arms, snuggled up against his body and deep asleep, brought back the memory of what had happened fast.  
That guy named Paul was naked as well and though he was small, the heat of his body was enough to keep him warm.

Daryl started playing with a strand of his shoulder-long, dark blonde hair and sighed.  
“Weirdest night ever..”, he mumbled and Paul huffed softly, snuggled up closer and a smile flashed over Daryl’s lips. He buried his nose in his soft hair, closed his eyes and breathed in his scent. He didn’t want to think about tomorrow or that he needed to go back to his shitty life..  
For the first time ever, he got an idea of how it felt to be desired though it felt far away and unreal, but it was there and Daryl was grateful.

He enjoyed that feeling for a little while until he was about to doze off again, but suddenly Paul started shifting next to him. Was he waking up?

“Paul?” Daryl whispered and let his hand slide up and down his back gently.

“Alex..” Paul mumbled in his sleep and verbally punched Daryl right into the guts with that.  
He winded himself out of the embrace and slipped back into his clothes with haste, rushing out of the tent because he suddenly couldn’t breathe in there anymore.  
The shock was immediately replaced by anger. Anger towards Paul and himself for being so stupid. How could he believe that guy actually cared about him? It sunk in slowly, that Paul had actually used him. He had been nothing but a tool to make him feel he was with this Alex-dude.  
Not that Daryl had expected to find love here or anything like that but at least he thought Paul was spending this night with _him_ and not with his ex-lover. His brother was probably right with what he once said.. His ass was worthless but still good enough to help a drunk stranger to fantasize about someone else.  
Daryl tried to clear his mind but he felt sick and was about to vomit, probably because of too much alcohol in his blood.

“Daryl? Are you okay?” 

Paul was suddenly standing behind him, dressed only in his pants and wrapped into the sleeping bag.

“No?” Daryl snarled and Paul frowned, looking annoyingly cute with being all sleepy and his hair tousled.  
He stepped forward and Daryl stepped back, almost stumbling over his own feet, right into the fire but Paul grabbed his arm in time.  
“Careful..” he said but Daryl shook him off.

“Don’t ever touch me again,” he hissed and now Paul took a step back, raising his hands.

“What.. what is wrong? What did I do? I just woke up...”

“Whatever...” Daryl said and turned around to walk way.

“Wait, you’re just leaving like that now?” Paul called after him but Daryl had already vanished through the trees.

“Daryl!” he called again.

“Go back to Alex!” Daryl yelled back, not even caring that he sounded like a jealous bitch and the words hit Paul like a dagger through his chest.

“I wish I could!” he yelled and regretted it the second the words were out. “Daryl, wait!”  
Not noticing that he wasn’t even wearing shoes, Paul ran after him but couldn’t quite figure out in what direction. He heard sticks crack here and there and followed but stepped on something sharp and stumbled on his knees with a suppressed cry.

“Dammit,” he cursed and touched his foot, feeling warm blood welling up from the wound.  
He hobbled back to his camp and searched for water and something to wrap around his foot. While he couldn’t find his tissues, a black, classic bandana fell into his hands and that was certainly not his. Daryl must have forgotten it here.

“Asshole..” Paul cursed and drenched the fabric with a bit of bottled water and cleaned the wound. It wasn’t as bad as it felt and he had never been whiny about stuff like that so he just wrapped the bandana around it and pulled a sock over it to keep it from slipping.

What had just happened? How could something that escalated into such a beautiful thing so quickly, escalate in the complete opposite situation even faster?  
Paul curled up to a ball on his sleeping bag and took a deep breath. Damn, that whole thing smelled like Daryl, who had a very strong, masculine scent that was everywhere now and it brought back memories he really didn’t need right now. 

_Go back to Alex.._

Paul buried his face in his hands and started to cry. Not because he couldn’t go back to his ex but because he just realized he wasn’t feeling the need to anymore. This night, he had been with Daryl and though he was a stranger, he had enjoyed every moment with him to the fullest and wouldn’t trade it for anything else. He had absolutely no idea why he was so angry and left just like that, out of a sudden, but it hurt. It hurt as much as the realization, that he was ready to let Alex go, confused him.  
He felt free on the one hand and on the other, he felt lost. Damn why couldn’t he just be good on his own? No bounds, no trouble... But no Daryl, no cuddling… At least not for tonight..

Paul didn’t even know why he was so upset that Daryl was gone. He barely knew him..  
Well...beside the very private moment they shared… But all kinds of people had one night stands with strangers without getting emotionally attached. Maybe Daryl was just terrified because until tonight, he didn’t even know he was gay and felt ashamed for what happened the moment he was able to think straight again… But whatever it was, it certainly was no reason to just stomp away like the biggest jerk on the planet.

Paul rolled on his back, wiped away his tears and took a deep breath.

“No more crying,” he promised himself and sat up. That redneck wasn’t exactly prince charming anyway so why was he even upset? He wasn’t even his type. Paul liked decent guys, he hated smokers, hell, even the smell of cold smoke was still around.  
Paul slipped in his T-shirt and sweater, grabbed the blanket and left the tent to settle down in front of the fire.

_I have booze, cigarettes, a warm place, marshmallows, sharing all with someone who’s kind… What more could I ask for?_

“Asshole..” Paul mumbled and kicked against the empty bottle. 

 

Meanwhile, Daryl had made his way back to where he had parked his brother’s motorbike. Even in the dark and still drunk, his good sense of orientation wasn’t failing him. His anger was slowly fading and got replaced by disappointment. He had learned to expect nothing from no one, why was it hurting so much this time?  
Maybe because he had opened up to that guy and what he got in return had been amazing. Maybe he was just scared and took the first opportunity to run…  
But there was no way back now, Paul made pretty clear that he would prefer to be with his ex and who could blame him, but Daryl wasn’t the type who was crawling back, begging for affection only because it felt so good.  
He’d rather find that Alex-dude and punch him in the face for not appreciating how lucky he was, being loved by a guy like Paul.  


Daryl swallowed down the urge to burst into tears. Tonight he got a glimpse of something he would never have. If the way Paul had treated him was how he loved is ex, he would give everything to have someone like that. Unfortunately, his lifestyle wasn’t actually the right environment for stuff like that. Daryl often witnessed how his brother treated the girls who were stupid enough to go with him. He could be quite charming but in the end he treated everyone like shit and never had an actual relationship.  
Daryl would never want anyone around as long as he was with Merle, he had no friends and no opportunity to get out and meet decent people. He only got a shot to be with Paul because he happened to be the only person who was in the right place at the right time and he didn’t know him at all. Would he know where he came from, he wouldn’t even have talked to him. Would he get to know him better, he would just turn around and walk away, so it was better Daryl walked away first. At least he wouldn’t die a virgin anymore and that without getting raped or being forced into something he wasn’t into and that could count as a win.

Daryl smoked his last cigarette and by the break of dawn, he jumped on the motorbike and headed back to reality without looking back at the best night of his life.

 

 

***

 

 


	3. Fire meet Gasoline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for this crap, lol. I'm just having fun, hoping someone else has fun with this as well :'D

 

 

 

Chapter 3

 

 

 

 

About two months have passed, since a jerk named Daryl had crossed Paul’s path. On the bright side, Paul was sure he would never see him again. On the other, he still caught himself thinking of him, wondering if he made it home safe and what he was doing now.  
Especially lately, since brutal attacks were reported all around the country and no one seemed to know what was going on.  
It was so annoying to be mad at someone and wanting to know if he was alright at the same time..

Paul sighed and cleared another glass. He had this barkeeper-job for a month now and just started another night shift.  
The job was okay, he saw different people everyday and found a liking in observing other people’s behavior more than getting involved with them.  
To his surprise, he slowly but steady started to feel comfortable, being on his own.  
Last year, he was trying a lot of different things to distract himself and combat sports became his favorite to get rid of all the anger inside of him and by now, his life became a mix of working and training.  
All together, Paul felt good the way it was now, if he could only get Daryl out of his head…

“Paul? Paul are you listening?” a female voice interrupted his train of thoughts and he looked at the red-haired woman. Her name was Sally, one of the two waitresses who worked at the bar as well. The other, Debora, was off tonight and Paul was glad because she was flirting with him all the time, not realizing that he was gay and it was kinda exhausting.  
He liked Sally. She was always in a good mood and she had a good sense when to talk to him and when it was better to leave him alone and keep it to business communication only.

“Yeah, what’s up?” he asked with a forced smile and her bright, green eyes seemed to pierce right through him.

“What’s with you, pretty boy? Not even saying hello to your favorite work-mate?” she smiled and Paul relaxed a bit.  
“I’m sorry, I’m miles away today.. Hello, favorite work-mate,” he smiled back and this time it was genuine.  
“Aw..you miss Deb?” Sally winked and Paul snorted.  
“Certainly not,” he pointed out, making her laugh.

Paul sighed and sorted the last glass back under the counter. “I just can’t get a certain someone out of my head and it is frustrating..” he confessed eventually and Sally leaned over. “Tell me all about it.”

“You won’t leave it alone anyway, will you?”

“Not in a bazillion years.”

“Okay, on New Year’s Eve, I met this guy..”

“I knew it!” Sally interrupted and Paul cocked an eyebrow.

“That Deb is making an effort for nothing.”

Paul rolled his eyes and nodded. “Yes she does. Anyway, we hooked up and everything was cool and suddenly all turned into a nightmare. He got mad for whatever reason and left just like that. It was somewhere in the mountains, I know nothing about him but his first name, not even where he lives. Not that I ever want to see him again...”

“Of course not, you just really want to see him again.”

Paul buried his face in his palms and mumbled: “Yes...no...I don’t know..”

“Damn, he must have made a hell of an impression. Two month and you are still so in love.”

“I’m not in love. I barely talked to him… All I know is his name is Daryl and he lived somewhere in that area once.”

“Wow..That is not much for a hook-up. I hope you had protection...” Sally threw in and Paul gave her a look. 

“You didn’t...”

“I was drunk and absolutely not prepared to meet anyone that night and for sure had no intentions but I kinda think I deflowered him anyway so I should be fine.”

“Aww… I would’ve bet you’re a bottom, though.” Sally grinned.

“Excuse me? I happen to enjoy it both ways, why exactly am I talking to you again?” Paul asked but laughed.

“Because you need to tell me all about Daryl the virgin from the mountains. Was he as sweet as it sounds?”

“Well...he was kinda sweet.. until he turned into a dick without telling me why.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.. But you should try to find him anyway. I think you love-birds need a talk.”

“I need to get that jerk out of my system, that is all I…“ Paul froze and starred at the entrance.  
“Oh hell no..” he mumbled and immediately crouched behind the bar.

“What? What is it?” Sally asked and turned around, spotting a new guest who had just entered the location, looking around like he wasn’t sure yet if this was the right place to be in or maybe he was choosing with whom he wanted to start a fight first.

“Okay, that guy looks like trouble, but nothing we can’t handle..” she assured without letting the stranger out of her sight.

“That’s him, that’s Daryl!” Paul panicked, his voice a few octaves higher than usual, while he tried screaming and whispering at the same time. “I summoned him and it’s all your fault! Get him out!”

“That.. THAT is Daryl from the mountains? You sure you took that guy’s flower?” Sally spluttered and leaned over the bar to look at Paul who still crouched on the floor, looking like a terrified bunny in a trap.

“Pretty sure, now would you repeat that a little louder? I’m afraid not everyone in this room heard you yet, now get him out!”

“Are you crazy? That guy looks like a Hells Angel!”

“Tell him we’re full!”

“Yeah, that sounds like a plan because he doesn’t have eyes. Don’t you think you just confused that guy with him because you were thinking about him all day? Look again.”

“What is he doing now?” Paul asked, still not moving.

“Just settled at the bar. You’re screwed anyway.” she winked.

“Dammit,” Paul hissed, closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. Then he took a deep breath.

Daryl was studying the drinks menu, not aware yet, that he was about to see the one he couldn’t get out of his head again very soon.  
His brother Merle had sent him to this town to negotiate a deal with a guy who was known as ‘Bloody Bernie’ and as ridiculous as that sounded, Daryl knew it was serious business, but the guy never showed up at the meeting.  
Not knowing what else to do about it, he decided to ask around a bit but so far without success.  
This bar didn’t look exactly like the right place to get some answers, but it looked like a good place to take a break.  
This town had a weird atmosphere and he was glad he found a place that seemed normal without being too overcrowded.

He was about to wave the waitress over, as suddenly, a familiar face popped up behind the bar, right in front of him.

“Oh shit..” Daryl mumbled and Paul gave him a bitter smile for that. “Surprise,” he said dryly. “You sure hoped you wouldn’t see me again, right?”

“I don’t have time for this..” Daryl muttered, dropped the menu and stood up.

“Oh yeah. Run from yourself again, because that is what you do best.” Paul bitched and hated himself for not having his emotions under better control.

“What the hell are you talkin’ about, man? I ain’t running from shit, I’m just done with you!” Daryl snapped.

“Yeah? But I was good enough for a fuck. At least tell me why, asshole!” 

Daryl walked up to Paul to look straight into his eyes.  
“Look who’s talkin’ now.”

“What is wrong with you? I thought we were having a great time...” Paul said, a little bit more calm because the pain he saw in Daryl’s eyes confused him. He wasn’t angry, he was hurt and Paul couldn’t figure out why..

“I’m glad I can’t remember any of the _great_ time we had because I was too drunk,” Daryl lied, “There ain’t nothin’ wrong with me, any ass would have been good enough to satisfy your pathetic needs that night. I just happened to be there. My mistake.”

Paul’s hand slipped, hitting Daryl hard for what he just said but he didn’t even blink.

“That all you got? I saw girls with more balls than you have.” he scoffed and realized fast that he shouldn’t have said that.

Too fast for Daryl to react, Paul jumped over the bar and tackled him to the ground. He wanted a fight? He could give him that.

“Stop!” Sally yelled and rushed to Paul to drag him off Daryl but he seemed to be in a mood to fight as well and all attempts to stop them from beating the shit out of each other was useless so she started to calm the few other guests, who were about to leave, with convincing them that it was something personal and no one needed to worry.

While some of the guests seem to find the fight entertaining, some others wanted to leave and the moment they opened the door, a bunch of drunk freaks, -at least that is what Sally thought at first-, poured into the bar, not giving anyone a chance to get out.

Within their pointless fight, both Daryl and Paul realized that they actually didn’t want to hurt the other, but none of them found the right moment to end it. They were so into it, that Paul didn’t even hear Sally call for him over and over.  
Daryl threw him against the bar and grabbed him by his collar, about to strike again, when a piercing scream caused them both to freeze.

 

 

***

 

 


	4. The Last Day On Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~ 
> 
> It makes me so damn happy, that a few of you took the time to leave me a comment, you have no idea how much that means to me :'3 thank you so so much!!  
> Because I started a new job, I will have less time to work on this but I am trying to update at least once a week but please don't be mad when I can't make it X3 I'm trying my best!  
> But for now, I hope you enjoy the new chapter and have a nice rest week-end =)

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4

 

 

 

 

 

“Sally!” Paul yelled, when he saw his colleague being attacked by one of the intruders. He pushed Daryl aside and wanted to get to her to help, but Daryl hold him back, seeing the man ramming his teeth into her throat and tearing a huge piece of flesh from it.

“Damn, let me go! She needs help!” Paul yelled, trying to free himself from Daryl’s grip but with no success.

They both witnessed Sally going down and three men immediately jumped on her, starting to rip her apart.  
Her dead eyes stared into their direction and out of pure instinct, Daryl pulled Paul closer, wrapping an arm around him to make sure he won’t do anything stupid, feeling his will to escape his grip fading.  
“She’s gone. We have to get outta here,” he murmured, witnessing most of the guests share Sally’s bitter fate.

“I’m in charge here. I have to do something! Call the police..or..” Paul stuttered.

“What, like that policeman over there?” Daryl interrupted and pointed at one of the attackers who was wearing a uniform.

Paul looked around with pure terror in his eyes. The massacre in front of him was so horrible, it felt unreal that it actually happened. While most of the freaks were busy with their victims, one of them separated from the group and weaved to Daryl and Paul, making noises that weren’t anything close to human anymore.

Daryl pulled a gun out of the inside of his leather jacket and shot him right into the face without even thinking about it.  
This time, Paul was able to free himself and turned around to face Daryl.

“Are you crazy? Why do you have a gun??” 

“Does that matter now? What are you waiting for? Let’s get the hell outta here!” Daryl argued back and Paul jumped to his side, seeing more and more freaks bore their ways into the bar. Paul’s survival instinct awoke and he grabbed Daryl’s wrist.

“This way. Come on,” he said and dragged the other man along. Daryl dared to look back once, then he followed Paul through a storage room to the back yard. The door snapped shut, giving them a moment to catch a breath.

“Have you ever seen anything like that?” Daryl asked, breathing heavily, and Paul shook his head. “No.”

Before he could add anything to that, they heard something bumping against the door from the inside over and over, and again those noises that weren’t like anything they ever heard before.  
Paul stared at the door and Daryl nudged his shoulder.

“That place is lost, let’s go,” he said and Paul nodded slowly.

“How doesn’t this affect you at all? It’s like you deal with stuff like that every day..” he said while he followed Daryl back to the main street.

“Someone needs to keep a clear head and since it isn’t you..” Daryl mumbled more to himself and peeked around the corner.

“I’m sorry that I freak out a little, considering what just happened?” Paul tried to defend himself, but Daryl raised a hand to give him a sign to keep quiet.

“There’s more of ‘em.”

“What now?”  
“Well.. we can’t go _back_ ,” Daryl said as a matter of fact and Paul looked back over the yard, to the door that just got burst.

“No we can’t,” he confirmed but Daryl was still focused on the street.

“Daryl?”

“What?”

“Run.”

With that said, he darted out of the protection of the shadows and sprinted up the street. Daryl turned around and saw the little herd coming closer.

“Shit..”, he said dryly and ran after Paul without even thinking about it. It wasn’t easy to catch up because that little bastard was fast but somehow, he trusted in him having a plan. They ran about two blocks, when Paul suddenly stopped in front of a house and by the time Daryl had reached that place as well, the door was already open and Paul waiting inside the hallway.

“Come on, hurry!” he urged and shut the door the moment Daryl was in, trying to catch a breath.

“You should quit smoking,” Paul suggested and jumped up the stairs with ease.

“Shut up, asshole,” Daryl gasped and followed him at a slower pace.

The small apartment, Paul was heading for, was on the second floor of the building.  
Daryl stepped in and closed the door behind him, while Paul was already pulling a couch through the living room.

“Come on, help me!” he demanded and Daryl hurried to help him get the furniture in front of the door to block it.

“Do you think it’s enough?” Paul asked out of breath and Daryl shrugged. “Maybe? ..Hope so..” he said and walked straight to the window to see what was going on outside. “What the hell are those freaks?” he asked when Paul was by his side, looking through the louver as well.

“I have no idea.. Is this really happening?”

“It is.. whatever is going on, it is fuckin’ real.”

“I heard of attacks through chatter only because I don’t have a TV but I never imagined it to be anything like this.” Paul paused and rubbed his face, not even noticing that he had some minor injuries from the fight with Daryl. “All the people in the bar.. they all died and I ran.. They were my responsibility..”

“You could’ve done nothin’,” Daryl said but Paul shook his head. “I’m a coward.”

“You’re a survivor. For now. If you had stayed, you’d be dead now, like everyone else who’s still on the streets.”

“Great. We can’t stay here forever? I forgot to go grocery shopping, all I have left is some peanut butter, old toast and a half full pack of instant coffee, how are we going to survive on that?”  
Daryl stepped back from the window and looked at Paul, who was visibly about to snap.

“We don’t. We go out tomorrow, trying to find out what’s going on,” Daryl said, not so sure himself if that would work but the last thing he could need now, was being stuck with a guy who was about to lose his mind.

“Oh great idea. What.. what if there is no tomorrow?? Those freaks are everywhere, killing people! They were ripping them into pieces, with their teeth!!! What if it is a disease or something that’s spreading like wildfire, what if you have it as well, or I? What if..”

Daryl ended Paul’s rising panic with one, effective slap in the face. Paul looked at him with his huge, sad eyes and Daryl caressed the spot he just hit.

“We’re still here..”, he said quietly and Paul relaxed a bit, without breaking the eye contact.

“What if this is the last day on earth?”

Daryl bit his lower lip for a while and repeated: “Then, we’re still here..” 

They just kept staring at each other for a little eternity. Everything had happened so fast, Daryl’s mind wasn’t even able to process yet, that he was here with his New Year’s mistake. How were the odds that you meet the same stranger in different locations, but equally unreal situations, twice?  
He wouldn’t make the same mistake and fall for those pale, blue-greenish eyes again; that bastard could be as beautiful as he wanted, he still was an asshole. A whiny, pathetic, kind, pretty, stupid, annoying, sweet, awful…

While Daryl was still arguing in his mind, he couldn’t even make out who had started kissing the other this time. They were like magnets, no brain but desperate to feel the other close. They needed to touch each other, taste each other...  
Daryl wasn’t even the type for doing stuff like this, to just go for what his body demanded, but with this guy, it was different. What if this _was_ the last day on earth? As long as he was breathing, as long as he was able to feel, he wanted to feel.

‘ _Not the same mistake.. not again._ ’ Daryl kept reminding himself in his thoughts, while they had already started to undress each other. Without interrupting their kissing, Paul was leading him to the bedroom and they dropped on the soft mattress. After escaping hell just a few moments ago, this place felt like heaven all over again. Part of him wanted Paul to be the last person he was stuck with in a situation like this but another part wanted to spend this night with no one else and that part was stronger.  
After they got rid of their clothes, Paul rolled on top of him and started kissing his neck, giving Daryl a moment to catch a breath. For a split second, he considered giving in, but the adrenaline left him in no position to surrender in any situation now. He flipped Paul around with ease, pinning his wrists over his head and looked him deep into the eyes.

“My turn,” he decided and to his surprise, Paul relaxed under him. Even when Daryl loosened his grip, he made no attempt to fight back. It was a silent agreement, making Daryl’s heart beat faster.  
He was nervous because this was a first time for him as well, but he didn’t let it shine through.  
In theory, he knew what to do and for the rest, he had to rely on his instincts. 

Paul reached over to the night stand and took something from the drawer, handing it over with shaky hands. Daryl inspected the little bottle, that was still sealed, and nodded with a barely visible smile.  
Paul closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then he let got of all his worries, leaving Daryl in control of the situation.  
He didn’t expect him to be gentle, but he was. He could feel that he was insecure, but it wasn’t interfering with his quality.  
The moment Paul realized that this wasn’t an act of revenge, he was willing to give Daryl all.  
His trust, his body, his heart and soul. He allowed himself again to share all of it with the one he never wanted to see again.

No matter if his conscious mind agreed to this or not, their bodies functioned together like they were meant for each other. Daryl was trouble, that was for sure, but he was a mind-blowing lover. This way or the other, there was no way to deny it, but Paul could hate himself for being weak another time. Now all he wanted was Daryl to blow his mind and make him forget everything that happened today and he did.

Paul had no idea how much time had passed until he found back to reality.  
Daryl was lying next to him, slowly getting his breathing back under control.  
Lazily, he turned his head and looked at his lover in distress and for a short moment, the desire for being with Daryl for real crossed his mind.  
Paul shook the thought off, knowing that this guy wouldn’t make him happy…  
Even if they would make it work for a while somehow, one day he would leave again, like everyone who ever meant something to Paul.

Daryl turned his head as well, noticing that he got stared at and once again, he couldn’t believe how beautiful that guy next to him was. Deep inside, he wished he could make him his for real, but he knew he would never be able to make him happy, though for different reasons than Paul feared.  
Hell, he didn’t even know if he liked him at least a bit…  
This was the second time that he happened to be the only one around in a situation that made people fall for each other, easily.  
In an ordinary scenario, no one would give him a second look, no one would pick him out of a crowd with the intention to spend a night with him or even more…  
Yet, something inside him wanted to believe, that Paul was different.  
Maybe he should say something nice to him, something that made him not regret what just happened..  
How beautiful he was or that no one ever made him feel so good...

Daryl opened his mouth to say out loud what was on his mind, but Paul was faster.

“You’re the worst person I’ve ever met, you know that?” he mumbled tiredly and Daryl swallowed down everything he was about to say, letting the words sink in before he replied: “I know now..”

 

 

***

 

 


	5. A new life waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here's another chapter, because why not =) I hope you still enjoy this and happy TWD sunday everyone~

 

 

 

 

Chapter 5

 

 

 

 

Daryl rolled around to not show the other how his words had hurt him. Maybe he wasn’t exactly the most experienced person, but that certainly wasn’t something people should say to someone they just had sex with.

Paul realized how seriously Daryl took what he just said and regretted it already, but before he was able to find words to make it better, something else caught his attention.  
Now having a perfect view on Daryl’s back, he noticed that it was covered with thick, ugly scars.  
He started to feel sick because he didn’t want to imagine any scenario where Daryl experienced that kind of brutality, but the evidence that it had happened was right in front of his eyes.  
Paul reached out and touched his back gently, making Daryl wince and it broke his heart a little.

Too late to hide his scars from Paul, Daryl just stayed in that position and mumbled: “Don’t ask.”

“Okay..” Paul whispered, moved closer to him and started to breathe little kisses on his shoulder.

“Don’t..” Daryl pleaded, but this time Paul wasn’t listening. He caressed every single one of his scars with a trace of sweet kisses, making Daryl shiver with every touch.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice thin and vulnerable.

“Rewriting the memories..” Paul said quietly and it was too much for Daryl to stand. His whole body started to tremble and though he wasn’t making the slightest noise, Paul knew he was crying.  
He pulled the blanket over them, wrapped his arms around Daryl and hold him tight.

“What I said before.. I didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah you did,” Daryl replied with a broken voice.

“No.. I know nothing about you, it was stupid to say that, please forgive me..” Paul mumbled and nuzzled Daryl’s neck.

“But you’re right..”

“Stop.. Don’t talk like that,” he snuggled up closer. “Tell me, why did you really leave at New Year’s Eve? Please, help me understand.”

Daryl hesitated at first but then decided to tell Paul the truth. 

“Because you weren’t with me that night, but with your ex.”

Paul frowned. “What made you think that?”

“You were about to wake up.. and you called me Alex. Bet you would prefer to be with him now as well..”

“No.. Daryl, you’re wrong,” Paul paused and sorted his thoughts for a moment because he never wanted to talk about it again, but it was just fair to tell Daryl the truth, so he took a deep breath and continued: “Alex is dead. He killed himself about a year before you and I met. The whole year I wasn’t thinking about anything else but him and I traveled to the mountains, hoping to find my peace with it. That night, from the moment I met you, I was with you. Before that, I wasn’t even sure I would ever be able to smile again but you.. you made me smile. And I wouldn’t want to trade you for him tonight either. I prefer those who choose living over anything else. I don’t know what you have been through but I’m sure it was hell and still, you choose to live. And I want to get to know you better.. if you let me..”

Daryl rolled on his back and looked at Paul.

“You wouldn’t like me if you’d know me..”

“Don’t underestimate my horrible taste,” Paul joked and a little smile flashed over Daryl’s lips.

“Actually.. You’re the worst,” he said and Paul smiled. “We should get some sleep. Who knows what’s waiting for us tomorrow.”

“You think there’s a tomorrow?”

“There’s always a tomorrow,” Paul assured and stole Daryl one last kiss before he rested his head on his chest and closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry that my subconscious mind wasn’t immediately remembering your name..” he mumbled and Daryl wrapped his arms around him. “Forgiven,” he said and buried his nose in Paul’s tousled hair, before he closed his eyes.

“I’m glad that you’re here..” Paul confessed and Daryl squeezed him gently.

“I’m sorry ‘bout your friend.. That girl from the bar..”

“She wasn’t a friend.. but a nice colleague. I trained myself to keep people at a distance so it won’t hurt when they leave me.”

“Is this how you keep a distance?”

“You. You are real trouble, I have no idea what to do with you.”

“Should we build a pillow-wall between us?” Daryl suggested and Paul snorted. “Just shut up. See? That’s why you’re the worst.”

“’Cause you can’t keep a distance? It’ll get easier the more you know me, I promise.” Daryl assured and kissed Paul on the forehead. “Sleep now.”

Paul sighed because he wasn’t so sure about that but for now, he just accepted Daryl’s opinion and hoped that he was right. Of course, part of him wanted to find love again, find someone he would happily share his life with, but the fear of losing another person he loved was too strong and he didn’t know Daryl enough to sort him into a position where he would allow him to have the power to break his heart.  
Today, Daryl had saved his life and his sanity. He was like a fairytale-prince in disguise, stomping around, looking like trouble and behaving like an asshole, but at the end of the day, he saved his life. He was protective and caring, also sensitive and vulnerable. Yeah, Paul wanted to get to know this guy better and with that thought, he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When Paul woke up, it was already bright outside. His heart skipped a beat the moment he realized that Daryl wasn’t lying next to him. The spot was cold and his clothes were gone. Did he leave him again? Paul stood up and peeked into the living room, finding Daryl standing at the window, observing what was going on on the streets.  
Paul sighed with relief and smiled, then he decided to take a quick shower because he felt kinda sticky.

Daryl noticed that Paul must have been awake now because he heard the sound of the shower but that wasn’t distracting him from trying to figure out what was going on.  
Whatever had happened between them last night, it had to wait and the only important thing now was how to get to a save place.  
It didn’t take long until Paul appeared, dressed up in fresh clothes and with two mugs in his hands.  
“Good morning. Want some coffee?” he greeted and placed one mug on the windowsill in front of Daryl. “Sorry..milk is out.”

“It’s fine, thanks.” Daryl said without taking his eyes off the street.

“You can also use my shower if you want, I keep watching.”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.. then stay smelly.” Paul mocked and Daryl shot him a look. “Am I?”

“I’m not gonna smell at you now, I know how that ends.” Paul said in the most innocent way possible and sipped at his coffee.

Daryl shook his head and looked back at the streets.

“People are leaving town… It was real chaos, I woke up hearing helicopters, I think it was military. Got pretty quiet by now.”

“You think those things are still out there?”

“Sure. But I haven’t seen a large group again like last night. Maybe they kept moving.. Maybe military took them out. We should take the chance and leave as well. I hope my brother’s bike is still where I parked it. I need to get home and find him, then we’ll see.”

“We? You mean I should come with you?” Paul asked warily.

“You have anywhere else to go? I could drop you somewhere if you have to check on family.” Daryl said and Paul shook his head. “No. I’m alone.”

“Then it’s settled. I won’t leave you behind.”

Paul didn’t know what to say and was about to thank Daryl with a hug, but he took a step back.

“There’s this thing… My brother.. He can’t know ‘bout any of this. What happened between us and that I’m..” Daryl struggled to say the word.

“Gay?” Paul helped him out with a soft smile and Daryl nodded. “Better don’t tell him that you are, either. He can be a real dick.”

“I understand.”

“He won’t like that I bring a stranger so, don’t take it personally when he doesn’t welcome you. I want you around, that matters. Everything else we’ll figure out somehow.”

“Got’cha.” Paul said but still pulled Daryl into a hug. “Your brother is not around, yet,” he defended his actions and Daryl huffed softly. “Distance.. remember?” he said and Paul let out a frustrated sigh. Why was it so hard to follow his own rules?

“I’ll check if I find some useful stuff we might need,” he mumbled and shoved Daryl away. He turned around to look for a backpack but Daryl caught his wrist and pulled him back to kiss him one last time. Though they didn’t plan to part any time soon, it felt like a good-bye and Paul wanted to hold on to this illusion just a little longer, but Daryl ended the kiss before it got too intense.  
“Let’s see what you got.” he said and together they started packing a bag with the food they found, some water to drink and some knifes. Paul also stumbled over Daryl’s bandana and hid it in his pocket, not ready yet to confess, that he had kept that all the time.

“You still got that tent?” Daryl asked and Paul nodded. “You want to go camping?”

“No, but you never know.. Maybe we need to hide in the woods, then we will be grateful to have a roof.”

“How far is it to your home?”

“About two hours, if we don’t get disturbed and streets are free. Also if Merle’s bike is still there.. Otherwise we need to steal a car or walk. We just need to be as prepared as possible for...whatever.”

“Aren’t you scared of what’s waiting for us out there?”

“It’s good to be a bit scared. Keeps you on alert. Are you ready?” Daryl asked and Paul took a deep breath.

“Yes,” he nodded. “Let’s go.”

 

 

***

 

 


	6. Safe Zone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~
> 
> First thank you so much to those who left kudos and comments, it means so much to me!!! :'3  
> I really hope you keep enjoying this story, I know it is not that special but I just enjoy writing Daryl and Jesus together so much X3  
> I wish you all a happy TWD Sunday <3

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 6***

 

 

 

 

“Where have you parked?” Paul asked, while they were making their way down the street, extremely aware of their surroundings.

“Close to the bar. Sorry, I wish we wouldn’t have to go back there.”

“It’s okay. I just want to get out of this town.. I’ve never seen it that empty.. It’s giving me the creeps.” Paul said, always staying right behind Daryl.

“Ever thought ‘bout that it could be like this everywhere? What if you’re right and it is a disease or something..”

“Well, I guess we’re screwed then..”

“Nah. We got that tent, you got me, we’ll be fine,” Daryl assured and Paul couldn’t help but smile.

“I appreciate your optimism.”

“I can hunt. We could survive, living in a cave somewhere in the mountains, if we have to.”

“How romantic,” Paul scoffed.

“Admit it, you’d love that. Far away from civilization, cuddling in front of a fireplace, on a fur, wearing nothing but your birthday suit..”

“Great, now I want nothing else in my life, thanks.” Paul laughed and Daryl chuckled.

Though it wasn’t exactly a realistic plan of their future, the idea eased up the situation and Paul was glad that Daryl was taking his mind off the horror. He was also glad that he seemed to be more relaxed around him, now that they had cleared up the misunderstandings.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” a voice caught their attention and a man in black gear, holding a sniper, stepped in their way.

“I happen to live here,” Paul said and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “What the hell is going on?”

“The city is under quarantine. All citizens have been sent to Atlanta.”

“Alright, but what is going on? Yesterday we saw some freaks ripping people apart, we barely got away.” Daryl said, “What was wrong with ’em and are there more?”

“I can’t give you that information. Please go to Atlanta, it is a safe zone and you will get answers there.”

“Fine. My bike is a block away, can we get there or do we have to expect to get shot?”

“I’ll take you there, follow me,” the man said and Daryl exchanged a wary look with Paul. He shrugged, nodded and they both followed him down the street and around the corner.

Luckily, the bike was still there and the security guard gave them a quick instruction what road they should take, then he left.

“At least the situation seems under control..” Paul said while Daryl looked after the guard and shook his head. “I wouldn’t count on that. We still know nothing.”

“Let’s hope we get some answers in Atlanta.”

“First I have to get to my brother.”

“Sure.” Paul looked at the bike and the very dominant SS-sign caught his attention. For a second, he wasn’t so sure anymore if he wanted to meet the real owner…  
“Can I put some stuff in here?” he asked anyway, shaking off his worries and opened a bag on the side, finding a pack full of drugs and medicine. “What the..” Paul looked at Daryl, not knowing what to think about this.

“Still wanna come?” Daryl asked and Paul was actually considering to say no, but he had to get out of town and Daryl was his only shot. Realizing how few he knew about him started to worry him a bit, though.

“What kind of person was your brother again?” he asked instead and Daryl shrugged, not giving an answer to that.

“Do you trust me?”

“I want to.”

“Then do. I’m on your side.”

Paul sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, reminding himself of everything he liked about Daryl, then he smiled. “I know. You’re my prince on a Nazi-bike.”

Daryl snorted. “I sure ain’t no prince but… probably not as bad as it looks.”

“Yeah.” Paul said and took Daryl’s hand, knowing that he probably didn’t know himself yet, that he wasn’t as bad as he thought. “I really wanna trust you, Daryl.”

“Dixon,” Daryl said and Paul looked up with questioning eyes.

“My full name is Daryl Dixon. I’m 41, I like guys and I was a virgin before I met you. Now you already know me better than anyone else,” he mumbled and had a hard time to not break eye-contact with Paul, who squeezed his hand a little and smiled.

“Paul Rovia, 32, human mess,” he introduced himself and Daryl cracked a smile.

“Hi..” he said sheepishly. 

“Hi..” Paul replied with a sweet smile.

“You feel a bit better ‘bout me?” Daryl asked and Paul nodded. “Thanks for being honest.. You didn’t need to tell me that.”

“I know. I wanted you to know. Guess we’ll stick together for a while and I didn’t like that look on your face when you saw my brother’s stuff. That smile is better,” Daryl said, shifting from one foot to another.

“So..no one knew? You never told anyone?” Paul asked and Daryl dropped his gaze, shaking his head.

“I’ll keep it between us, I promise. Also, it means a lot. Come on, we should go,” Paul tried to change the topic because he could see how uncomfortable the other was and Daryl agreed with a short nod.

“You don’t think I’m a freak?” he asked warily and Paul let his hand slide up Daryl’s arm, ending up caressing his cheek. “I think you’re special… And you just made me feel special.”

“Because you’re the only one ever, who was stupid enough to try something with me?” 

“Twice,” Paul winked and walked to the bike. “One more time and I want a date.”

“Maybe I don’t know shit, but isn’t it the other way around?” Daryl asked and followed him. He climbed on the bike and started the motor, waiting for Paul to settle behind him.

“I like to make my own rules,” Paul said and made himself comfortable on the backseat of the motorbike. He took the chance to wrap his arms around Daryl’s waist and just couldn’t stop smiling.  
He had assumed that Daryl had never been with a guy before but knowing for sure, that he had never been with anyone but him made his heart beat faster, his head feeling a bit lighter and a butterfly awoke in his stomach.  
Paul wasn’t sure if he would allow himself to fall for someone again, but if, it would possibly be Daryl Dixon.

Daryl had no idea why he had felt the need to tell Paul that he had been his first, but somehow, he was relieved now. He knew deep inside, that he had shared that secret with the right person. Paul didn’t see it as weakness, but more like something precious that he had chosen to give to him.  
He knew he wasn’t supposed to meet Paul again, but here they were, together, driving into a future that was as blurry as today’s hazy sky.  
For some reason, Daryl wasn’t scared, though. He hated his life so much that any kind of change was welcome. In all the darkness of last night’s events, he found light and he would try to hold on to that as much as he could. Feeling his light holding on to him in this very moment, even if it was just for the cause to not fall off the bike, was the best thing he could imagine and he promised himself, that he would keep Paul safe. He wouldn’t leave his side until he would send him away or found happiness again.

They followed the road like the guard described, soon reaching a dead end, because the highway was overcrowded with cars.  
It was a complete chaos, leaving no space to keep driving, not even with a motorbike.  
The honking-fest was mixed with people yelling from their cars, some even just left them on the road and decided to walk.

Daryl slowed down and stopped at a safe distance.

“People are panicking..” Paul said as a matter of fact and Daryl nodded. “As expected. We need to find another way..”

“That guy said this road is safe… Which way should we try?”

“We can’t go straight to Atlanta anyway.. Only if you want me to drop you there first. My brother is my business and I get if you don’t wanna take the risk.”

“No, I’ll go with you. If I’m not a bother..”

“You ain’t,” Daryl said and turned the bike around to take a different road, knowing that a panicking crowd of people could be as dangerous as a bunch of people-eating freaks.  
Daryl knew the streets well and the road he picked was deserted, so he was able to drive all the way home without distraction.  
Unfortunately, his hometown was as deserted as Paul’s was when they left. He slowed down and stopped before going any further.

“Here we are,” Daryl said and Paul took the chance to jump off the bike and walk a bit after about two hours of not moving at all.

“You okay?” Daryl asked and he nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine,” Paul assured and stretched his limbs.

Daryl used the break to smoke a cigarette, looking around with a bad feeling in his guts.

“Looks like they cleared this city, too… How is it possible, that everything happened so fast?” Paul asked and Daryl shrugged. “You said you heard about attacks? Maybe it started slowly and we just didn’t notice because we didn’t pay attention.. If it’s a virus that makes people go nuts, it can spread easily.”

“True.. You think your brother is still here?”

“Possibly. I think he wouldn’t leave without me...or his shit.”  
“Then we shouldn’t waste anymore time.” 

“Yeah, give me a second, I need to take a piss,” Daryl announced and walked a few meters away for some privacy, not that he cared much but he wasn’t sure about Paul.

Paul looked a bit around while Daryl was gone. This town was smaller than his and it wasn’t all cleared yet.  
In the distance, he could hear the sound of a car now and then, a scream, but he couldn’t locate the direction it came from.  
There were no helicopters or guards here, it didn’t look like they just evacuated the city this morning.  
Paul peeked around the corner, seeing the windows of some smaller shops broken, noise coming from one of them.  
It was the same animalistic sound he had heard before in the bar and moved backwards slowly, turned around and hurried back to the bike.  
Daryl was just returning and about to say something, but Paul gave him a sign to keep quiet.

“What’s wrong?” Daryl asked, keeping his voice low.

“I think there’s at least one of them around the corner,” Paul whispered and Daryl frowned.

“One of them freaks?” he asked to make sure and Paul nodded. “Okay, let’s go.” Daryl decided and they kept driving straight to his home this time.  
With coming closer, Paul noticed that they weren’t heading to the best district of the town, but more like a ghetto and he immediately felt sad because he liked Daryl so much and seeing where he came from made him want to grab him and take him to a better place, but who knew if that place still existed...  
After a little while, they reached a place that looked like a trailer park and slowly, Paul realized that Daryl wasn’t even living in a real house, but in a shabby trailer that had been reconstructed to constantly live in. 

Daryl noticed right away, that their car was gone and wondered if Merle had been back from his last trip yet or if he had been sent to a safe zone as well. He parked, jumped off the bike and headed to the door, followed by Paul.

“Looks like my brother ain’t here..”

“Maybe he’s already trying to get to Atlanta like everyone else?”

“Hm. What if Atlanta isn’t the only safe zone? If they send everyone there, that place will be a mess,” Daryl said and opened the door. “Merle?” he called and walked through the trailer. “Merle, you there?” It was a pointless attempt to get the answer to a question he already had answered for himself.

“Should we stay here and wait?” Paul asked and looked around. The place was a mess…

“Nah. I grab some stuff, leave a message and then we go to Atlanta to get some answers. Merle ain’t stupid, he’ll do the same,” Daryl replied and returned with an empty backpack and a crossbow. 

“You know how to use that?” Paul stepped closer and eyed the weapon curiously.

“Yeah. Told you I can hunt. Also, when I shot that asshole in the face, they all were suddenly coming after us. I was thinking the noise could have attracted them.”

“That makes sense..” Paul agreed and chewed on his lower lip for a while, then he grabbed Daryl’s wrist. The other looked at him with questioning eyes but Paul said nothing. He cupped Daryl’s face with both hands, raised himself on tiptoes and kissed him.

Daryl almost got a heart-attack, standing in his living room, being kissed by a guy but as soon as he reminded himself that Merle wasn’t here, he relaxed and leaned into the kiss, letting his fingers run through Paul’s soft hair once before he gently shoved him away.

“What was that for?” Daryl mumbled and Paul shook his head with a smile. “Nothing. Just.. I’m happy to be with you now.”

“Don’t get used to it..” Daryl said and kept stuffing his backpack with things he considered needful.

Paul cocked an eyebrow and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Why? Are you already planning to get rid of me?” He meant to say it in a joking way but it didn’t work so well.

Daryl squinted at him and shook his head. “Nah. You just don’t know what happens.. Right now, anything can happen.” 

Daryl knew he was hurting Paul with saying that and he did it on purpose because deep inside, he knew that he wasn’t the right one for him.  
Paul was a good guy, he was honest and kind and sweet. Maybe he saw something in him that he wasn’t, just because he needed that right now, but Paul deserved so much better. He deserved a decent guy who was able to guarantee him stability. Daryl would never be that guy and one day, Paul would find out and he would turn his back on him, realizing that he wasn’t worth the effort, so it was better to draw a line before they both got in too deep. 

Daryl found a spray can and shook it to see if it was empty, then he walked outside and sprayed a message for Merle along the side of the trailer, saying ‘ATLANTA - SAFE ZONE!’.

 

 

***

 

 


	7. On the road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to those who are still reading this if there is anyone? Idk :'D
> 
> I apologize in advance for this chapter because I am sure it is a mess... work is really exhausting and in the evenings I am mostly brain dead, like now and I finished this half asleep but I hope it is still readable and that some of you enjoy it X3
> 
> Have a nice rest week-end~

 

 

 

Chapter 7

 

 

 

Daryl and Paul were on the road for about an hour, when they came across a group of people who seemed to have the same goal that was getting somewhere safe.  
Daryl wanted to keep driving, but Paul gave him a hand sign to stop and he slowed down.

“What’s wrong?” he asked and Paul checked out the group from a distance.

“I thought we could ask them if they know more than we do. We only talked to one guy so far. They look like decent people..”

Daryl eyed the group warily but agreed with Paul. There were three women, two guys and one was carrying a little girl on his shoulders.

“You do the talking,” Daryl decided and Paul stepped off the bike, waving to get the attention of the group.  
Daryl watched him walk over to the people, not taking his eyes off of him for a split second.  
The group seemed tense at first but after a short moment, they eased up and a smile flashed over Daryl’s lips because he knew it was just because of the way Paul made people feel around him.  
He knew that guy was so much more than a human mess. Usually, Daryl never opened up to people that easily. He always kept others at a distance but not Paul.. Right now he didn’t care much where they were heading to because Paul was his safe zone.  
With him, he could be himself and part of him just wanted to move on with Paul and leave his past in the past, but the part who was loyal to his brother was stronger. Also he literally had nothing to offer but himself and what was that worth?

Paul returned to him and answered his questioning look with a shrug.  
“Same as we know. Everyone is heading to Atlanta but they fled from a highway that got overcrowded and people freaked out.” Paul said and Daryl nodded.

“I was thinkin’.. My brother could be stuck somewhere on the highway. He took the car.”

“Do you wanna give it a try?” Paul asked and Daryl shrugged, not sure what to decide.

“We do that. It’s a chance,” he said and Daryl looked at him, tilting his head. “You sure? It’s a risk..”

“Honestly, what isn’t? Wherever we go, we have no idea what to expect.”

“True,” Daryl said and looked down, biting his lip for a while, then he looked at Paul again.  
“You really don’t have to..”

“I want to,” Paul interrupted, knowing exactly what Daryl was going to say. “I want to go with you. The last weeks, there wasn’t a day I wasn’t thinking about you, wondering where you are and how you’re doing. It was driving me crazy that I didn’t know where to find you and being sure I would never see you again and I hated myself for that because I was so sure you would be nothing but trouble and that was the last thing I wanted, but now…” he took a deep breath, “It’s a bless that you walked into that bar last night because I know, without you, I would be dead. If not, I would have no idea what to do now..I..”

“You would be fine. You’re stronger than you think,” Daryl said and Paul blinked away a tear. “Am I? he asked and wrapped his arms around his torso, looking down. The next moment, he found himself in Daryl’s arms and leaned into the embrace.

“You have it in you, I know it,” Daryl mumbled into his hair, “You don’t need me.”

“Like you don’t need _me_?” Paul asked and Daryl shoved him away a bit, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. “Maybe. But it’s easier with you,” he said and Paul moved closer, with the attempt to kiss him, but Daryl took a step backwards and turned around to get back on the bike.

“Come on. We shouldn’t waste time.”

Paul huffed with a soft smile. “Yeah. Sure.”

It was hard for Daryl to resist his inner desire to make out with Paul again, but he knew it was for the best. He lied when he said he probably didn’t need him, maybe he needed him more than he ever needed anyone in his whole life because with him, he felt worth something.. But he knew it would never work and Paul was worth more than just be taken as someone to fool around with.

Paul went through so much emotionally the last year and though he had no one left, he still kept going, but it was obvious that he was still struggling. Daryl had to make sure he wouldn’t become emotionally attached to him. He felt that the world was changing and Paul needed to realize that he was strong enough on his own.

Daryl headed back to the highway and from this direction, it wasn’t the same chaos as when they left Paul’s hometown, but still pretty much overcrowded and he had no idea how he was supposed to find his brother in this mess.  
They made their way through the cars slowly but still faster than those who were still driving.  
It was an endless stop and go in a mess of cars and people who became faceless after a while.

“It feels like trying to get off the Titanic..” Paul said and rested his head on Daryl’s shoulder because he was exhausted from the whole situation and driving around for hours without a break.

“And as soon as we’re off, we still might die in the water.” Daryl replied and it made Paul smile.

“Didn’t think you would get the reference..” he teased.

“I know _some_ things, you know?” Daryl bitched back and Paul laughed.

“Admit it, you loved the movie.”

“I ain’t admitting shit.” 

Paul laughed again and Daryl cracked a smile. Their situation couldn’t have been worse, still Paul found reasons to smile and laugh and it was infectious.  
Daryl was really glad that they had decided to stick together but slowly, he got nervous because it started to get dark and still no trace of his brother at all.

“We should start to look for a place to spend the night, soon,” Daryl pointed out, but before Paul was able to reply something, suddenly people in the distance started screaming, cars crashed into each other, drivers jumped out, grabbed their stuff and fled into all directions and then they spotted the reason why.  
A large group of what looked like normal people at first walked up the road and the only thing that seemed weird about them, was the funny way they walked but then they started to attack people, like it happened in the bar.

“Shit...” Daryl stopped and tried to turn the bike around, but there was so less space on the road, that it took way too long.

“A whole herd? What the hell is this?” Paul asked, getting really nervous behind Daryl, trying not to fall off the bike while he was maneuvering it through the cars.

“It’s like they become more and more… This shit _must_ be a virus or somethin’, how else is this possible?”

“We don’t have time to figure it out now, we have to get away.”

“Should we drop the bike and run into the woods?” Daryl asked but Paul shook his head. “Too late, look,” he pointed to the side of the road, where some of those infected came through the trees.

“They are coming closer fast… Come on.”  
Daryl jumped off the bike and waited until Paul had done the same, then he grabbed a backpack and his crossbow.  
Paul grabbed a bag as well and followed Daryl through the mess of cars and hysterical people.

“I think running won’t save us!” Paul yelled and Daryl yelled back: “I think you’re right!”

Daryl picked a random, abandoned car, dragged Paul inside and closed the doors, locking them from inside. He threw his crossbow on the front seat and did the same with the backpack after he had pulled out the blanket he had stuffed in at home.

Immediately understanding what Daryl had on his mind, Paul tried to arrange himself, so that they both could lie down on the back seats and hide under the blanket as good as possible.

“Good that you chose a rather huge car..” he said slightly out of breath.

“Good that you’re so tiny,” Daryl replied and pulled Paul close.

“I’ve never been a big fan of spooning but with you, I could get used to it.”

“Shut up.”

Paul let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes.

“Sorry. I’m trying to distract myself from the noise..”

“I know.. But we should stay quiet...wait it out and hope it works.. Them things seem to have no brain left.. We already figured they’re attracted to noise so maybe others will lead them away from us..”

“I hope you’re right..” Paul mumbled and took Daryl’s hand, squeezing it lightly.

They were just lying there in silence for a long while, hearing people scream, mixed with the noises from the possibly infected, feeling things bumping against the car over and over and it just didn’t stop.

“Daryl?” Paul whispered and Daryl hummed as response.

“I can’t breathe..”

Daryl felt Paul’s heartbeat rising and his body started trembling.

“Yeah you can breathe..” he mumbled and tightened his embrace a bit.

“I have to get out… I can’t breathe...” Paul panicked and tried to free himself from Daryl’s grip.

“You have to calm down.”

“If I would be able to calm down, I would calm down, okay?”

“Okay..” Daryl loosened his grip, “Then go out, kill us both.”

Paul was speechless for a moment and rolled around to look at Daryl.  
For a while, he said nothing but his breath became more regular, his heartbeat slowed down to a normal pace and the panic faded.

“Thanks,” he breathed.

“See. You’re strong. You can’t lose control of the situation if you want to survive.” Daryl smiled and Paul nodded, returning the smile.

“I’m gonna remember that..” Paul promised and stole Daryl an innocent kiss. 

Daryl couldn’t resist any longer, buried his fingers in Paul’s soft hair and kissed him back hard at first but he relaxed against his lips fast and a soft sigh escaped his throat when he felt Paul’s tongue teasing his own.  
Paul tasted so good and this felt so right, but Daryl took all his strength to end it before it went out of control.

“Paul..” he started, trying to catch a breath before he kept talking, “This.. I just can’t. All this relationship stuff.. that ain’t me.. We should end this before it really hurts..”

Paul looked at him with his huge, beautiful eyes and was about to tear up but he swallowed it down and nodded.

“Alright. I have to respect that. I just wish it wouldn’t hurt already..”

“I’m sorry. It ain’t you.. It’s me.”

Paul snuggled up against Daryl and buried his face in the crook of his neck. Daryl wrapped his arms around him, took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The feelings Paul unleashed inside of him were something he never felt for anyone, ever before. They were new and scary but also good and he would rather die than be the next guy who disappointed him. He had no idea if he was able to be a good friend either, but he wanted to try because he knew he didn’t want to miss Paul Rovia in his life, not ever again.

Daryl and Paul somehow managed to fall asleep in each others arms, missing the moment when it started to become quiet outside.  
It wasn’t until morning, when they got ripped out of their dreams and drawn back into reality by a loud knocking against the window.

 

 

***

 

 


	8. Three nights and one day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~ Due to illness I had to stay at home today and had a little time to write and because I was so damn happy about the comments I got, I decided to give you a little chapter before the weekend =) I am too tired to look it over for mistakes so I hope it is not too bad and hope you enjoy reading it =)

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 8***

 

 

 

 

 

Paul was the first to wake up to the noise. He realized fast, that it was already bright outside, but could only see the silhouette of a person because the windows of the car were breath-clouded.  
The stranger knocked again and rattled at the door, waking up Daryl as well.

“What the hell..” he mumbled and his sleepy eyes found Paul’s, who was on high alert already.

“Hey brother, ya in there?” the stranger called and Daryl was suddenly wide awake.

“That’s Merle!” he said and unlocked the doors to get out of the car.  
Daryl was blinking against the light at first, then the picture of his brother became clearer.  
He took a deep breath of the fresh air and smiled with relief.

“I knew it was you in there,” Merle said and poked Daryl’s shoulder. “Had some backseat-fun with that blonde chick, lil’ brother?” he grinned but then Paul stepped out. 

“Actually, we were just hiding,” he clarified the situation and Merle eyed him warily from top to bottom, then his face lit up and the corners of his mouth twitched.

“Oh. That ain’t no chick, you found Jesus!” he said lively and Daryl tried to stay as calm as possible.

“Merle, this is Paul. I went to a bar to get some information ‘cause your guy didn’t show up and the place got attacked. We made it out together and he let me hide at his place. He’s a friend. We were looking for you, how did you find me?” Daryl asked and Merle tilted his head. “Found my bike a bit down the road, thought you couldn’t be far. Then I found the occupied car and saw what looked like your crossbow in the front.”

Daryl nodded and shot Paul a quick look, noticing that he wasn’t feeling very comfortable around Merle.

“Paul, this is my brother Merle,” Daryl introduced his brother out of pure formality and Paul crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Hi.” he nodded in Merle’s direction.

“Oh come on, can’t you handle a little joke? With that long hair and the beard… You know..” Merle tried to talk down his Jesus reference and Paul eased up a bit.

“It’s all good,” he smiled softly, “I’m glad that we finally found you...or ..you found us.”

“You on your own?” Daryl asked and Merle shook his head. “Nah. I picked up two chicks along the way. My car broke down and we were looking for a new one, then I saw my bike, told ‘em to wait there.”

“Then we’re five and have only the bike...” Paul pointed out and Daryl looked at his brother as if he was waiting for him to make a decision.

Merle walked around the car that had kept Daryl and Paul safe over the night.

“We take this one, they left the key. You can take the bike.”

“Alright. We were heading to Atlanta, they said it’s a safe zone, you heard something else?” Daryl asked but Merle shook his head. “Them walkers went all the other direction. Haven’t seen one since last night, we should be good here.”

“You call them walkers?” Paul asked and Merle shrugged. “They do nothin’ but walk and walk and walk and feed on people and keep walking. You gotta stab ‘em in the brain. I killed a bunch already.”

“I shot one in the face. Not the best idea.” Daryl mentioned. “They seem to like noise.”

“Yeah, I figured that out as well. Damn chicks didn’t stop screaming at first.”

“Why did you bring ‘em along anyway? They’ll slow us down.”

“This could be the end of the world, lil’ brother. One for you, one for me, ya know,” Merle winked and Paul snorted, causing Merle to peer over to him.

“Well.. _Your_ pick isn’t the worst, in a world with no people left... That pretty hair… Wouldn’t make a difference if you go doggy-style, ya know?” Merle laughed, “That beard is kinda turn-off, though.”

Daryl rolled his eyes and wanted to say something, but Paul was faster.

“I got it. I’m small and have long hair, can we focus on our actual problem now?”

“And no sense of humor, just like you. What a match, you and your little Jesus,” Merle scoffed.

“His name is Paul.” Daryl pointed out, grabbed his stuff and touched Paul’s arm lightly, “Come on,” he mumbled without letting his brother out of his sight.

“Send them real chicks over!” Merle yelled after them, still with that ugly grin on his face.

“Sorry if I have to say it, but your brother is a bit of a prick.” Paul mentioned nonchalantly, when they were far enough and Daryl let out a snort. “Tell me about it.”

“I let my beard grow extra long now. To the ground. Then I braid it.” Paul said dryly and Daryl chocked back a laugh.

“I don’t think your beard is a turn-off...and I like your sense of humor,” he mumbled and Paul nudged him gently with his shoulder. They exchanged a short but intense look, then they spotted the girls, Merle was talking about.

From afar, they looked like middle to late twenties and a bit trashy in their choice of clothes.

“There’s the future mother of your children, which one are you going to pick?” Paul asked and got a bump from Daryl’s elbow for that. “Shut up. If I pick anyone as mother for my future children, it’s gonna be you.”

“Aw. You realize how sweet that was?” Paul asked, “But you do know, there might be a problem with my..” 

“Would you just shut up? Please?” Daryl interrupted and felt himself blushing.

“I would pick you, too,” Paul smiled and though Daryl had never felt that awkward before, his heart jumped a little in his chest. He probably wasn’t looking like it, but he loved kids and though he had already made his peace with the fact that he would never have some on his own, hearing from a decent human being that he would consider raising a child with him felt damn good. He was confident that he would be a good dad for the pure reason that he would do everything different from his own parents, but with the life he had to offer, there was no way to even give it a second thought.

The girls saw them coming as well and seemed to be a bit confused because they probably expected Merle to appear instead of two strangers.

“Hey, is one of you Daryl?” the blonde one called and Daryl raised a hand. “That’s me. Merle’s waiting for you a bit up the road with a new car,” he explained when they reached them and the girls relaxed.

“Well, he said you were hot, he didn’t lie,” the one with the mouse-brown, fuzzy hair pointed out and went into flirty-mode immediately. “You are a bit short. Who are you?” she asked and eyed Paul.

“I think he’s cute,” the blonde defended Paul, “Much cuter than Merle.”

Though Paul always felt a bit uncomfortable when girls started flirting with him, he couldn’t fight back a chuckle because Merle couldn’t be more far from cute.

“I’m Paul,” he said with a kind smile and the young woman smiled back. “I’m Betty, this is Lorena.”

“You shouldn’t let Merle wait. We have no time to waste.” Daryl said and started to attach his stuff to the bike.

“Let me ride with you!” Lorena said excitedly and clung to Daryl’s arm, who immediately froze.

“Sorry, I get panic attacks in cars, I have to ride with Daryl,” Paul said with a shrug and Daryl relaxed the moment he was free from that girl’s grip.

“Too bad,” she said dryly, eyed Daryl one more time and let out a frustrated sigh before she followed her friend.

“Thanks,” Daryl said and Paul smiled at him. “You thought I would give up my spot?”

“I thought she was going to eat me alive..”

“I’m not gonna let that happen, I promise. I saw you first, anyway.”

“Merle can have both of ‘em,” Daryl scoffed and climbed on the bike, waiting for Paul who settled behind him as usual, just that this time, he wasn’t wrapping his arms around his waist but just put his hands on his sides, like a friend would hold on to a friend to not fall off a motorcycle and Daryl immediately missed the feeling of Paul’s body, pressed against his back.

They waited for Merle to maneuver the car through the other abandoned vehicles and kept heading to Atlanta with Daryl driving ahead, followed by his brother and his annoying company.  
Daryl wasn’t even sure if he was happy that Merle had found him, it was just how things were used to be.  
His first meeting with Paul went better than expected, but mostly because Paul didn’t let Merle intimidate him and once more Daryl realized how much he adored this little man and hated himself even more because he knew he would choose his brother over him, if necessary, while his heart was yelling at him to just leave his brother on his own and just keep driving to a place far away from him.  
It has always been him and Merle against the rest of the world, even after his brother had escaped their home and left him on his own for a while, they had ended up being together again and the bond, that was blood, could not be broken easily.

All Daryl could hope for was, that Merle and Paul would get along somehow and that Merle would never find out how much truth was hidden in his little jokes. He knew though, that is was more likely that Paul would leave as soon as he got the chance if his brother wouldn’t stop being an asshole and Daryl knew he wouldn’t.  
Three nights, he had only spent three nights and one full day with Paul and yet, the thought of losing him alone made Daryl feel dizzy. If he ever got the chance, he would try to grow into a man who was worth being with him. He would give anything to change into someone who was able to make him happy.

Maybe one day, he would find the strength to stand up to his brother and tell him that he’d never been attracted to women and that he was, slowly but steady, falling in love with Paul.

 

 

***

 

 


	9. Hot and Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~
> 
> After I got no response to the last chapter I got a bit insecure but tried to just keep going and maybe this chapter is a mess as well but hopefully there is still someone out there who enjoys it ^^;;; Have a nice Sunday <3 <3

 

 

 

 

***Chapter Nine***

 

 

 

 

Going to Atlanta sounded more simple than it turned out to be. The little group had to leave the highway again because abandoned cars were building another dead end.  
Those they chose to call ‘walkers’ were everywhere along the way; alone, in small groups, in bigger groups… It was easy to escape them with bike and car, but with nightfall not far ahead and Atlanta still out of reach, they had to decide where to spend the night and chose a quiet area to drive a bit into the woods and built a camp around a little fireplace.

Merle had secured the area with trash on a strap, so they would hear if someone or something was coming too close and they would take shifts, so that everyone could at least sleep a bit.  
The girls decided to sleep in the car because they felt most save there and the three men agreed to share the tent with Paul taking the first shift, then Daryl would join him for the second, then Merle would switch with Paul and do one shift with his brother and a second alone until morning, but at the moment, they were all sitting around the fire and shared the bit of food everyone brought with them.

“We should take a short stop at some town tomorrow to get more food..” Daryl mentioned.

“Agree… I’m still hungry..” Paul said.

“Aren’t there some Fast Food Restaurants along the way?” Betty asked and Merle shot her a look. “Sure. I bet some dudes decided to serve food instead of fleeing to help those who aren’t that stupid.”

“Cool!” Betty said and Lorena poked her with her elbow. “He was kidding..” she mumbled and Paul leaned over to Daryl. “At least you got the smart one..” he whispered, but Daryl ignored that comment. That girl named Lorena was looking at him with hearts in her eyes all evening and she was already almost sitting on his lap and it was pissing him off because he felt Merle’s eyes on him all the time and he expected something like Daryl being grateful or finally taking the chance to get laid before the world was going to hell entirely.  
The only comfort he got in this situation was Paul, who took every occasional chance to touch him by accident with his knee or shoulder, brushing his arm with his hand when he leaned over, and though it felt good, Daryl also got nervous because he feared Merle would notice that as well.

Lorena leaned over to Daryl and purred: “Don’t you want to show me the backseat of the car? I heard it is big enough for two?” She put her hand on Daryl’s knee and let it slide up his inner thigh, making Daryl flinch and now almost sitting on Paul’s lap, looking at her with disgust.

Paul had enough of this shit. Without thinking, he decided to do something because he worried Daryl wouldn’t and before he got raped in front of his eyes, he laid and arm around Daryl’s shoulder and said: “Yeah it is. We warmed it up last night. Got it?”

“Wohoooo, boom!” Merle laughed and seemed to enjoy the drama.

Daryl pushed Paul away hard and stood up. “What the fuck, man?” 

“Wait… you are… and you knew..” Lorena asked and looked at Daryl, then at Merle. “This is the most embarrassing night of my life,” she added and rushed away, into the direction of the car and Betty followed her. “Lo, wait!”

Merle was still laughing and clapped his hands. “Jesus saved your ass, lil’ brother. You don’t even have the balls to do it yourself!”

“Fuck you, all of you.” Daryl yelled while he stomped away into the woods.

“Daryl!” Paul jumped up but just got another ‘Fuck you!’ out of the dark and hesitated to run after his friend.

“And you just sit there and laugh? You should go after him!” Paul said angrily and Merle wiped over his eyes, trying to catch a breath. “Why? This was so much more entertaining. He’ll be back. He always comes back.”

Paul was looking for a knife in his backpack and mumbled: “He shouldn’t be out there unarmed in the dark..”

“Hey. What you said.. It was a joke, right? You and my brother didn’t..”

Paul looked at Merle and frowned. “Of course it was a joke. I was just tired of watching that girl keep making him uncomfortable. If you wanna keep annoying girls away, pretend you’re gay. That works the best.”

“Guess that problem is solved now. Even you have more balls than he ever will. But why keep chicks from you? Hm?”

“I prefer to keep people at a distance in general,” Paul said dryly and tried to keep his tone neutral but inside, he was boiling because he didn’t like the way Merle talked to and about his brother, but that was something only Daryl could solve for himself. Did Merle even know him at all? Without another word, he followed the direction Daryl went, knowing well that he left because of what _he_ just did and he needed to fix that.

It needed a moment until Paul’s eyes got used to the dark, but the moonlight was strong today, shining through the trees, helping him to see his surroundings clear.  
He moved slowly, quiet like a cat, listening to every single noise around him until he found Daryl, leaning against a tree.

“There you are..” he said softly but Daryl wasn’t moving.

“Hey..”

“Go.”  
“Daryl..”

“Just go.”

“Only if you come with me.”

Daryl took a deep breath and walked towards Paul.

“No. You can grab your stuff and leave. I trusted you and you...you betrayed me.” Daryl’s voice cracked. He tried his best to sound angry, but he sounded more broken than ever. 

“I was trying to save you from that girl with the oldest trick on earth. Merle believes it was a joke. You’re okay.”

“I didn’t ask for saving. I can handle shit on my own,” Daryl pointed out angrily and walked closer to Paul, but he wasn’t to be intimidated easily.

“I know you can. As soon as your brother isn’t around. But since he’s with us, I see you crouch behind his back, waiting for him to tell what to do. He’s being an asshole and you suddenly lost your voice, is it always like that? Is that your life?”

“And what if? Why do you even care?”

“Because I care about you, Daryl. Yesterday, you showed me that I am strong. You showed me that I am able to handle all this and I know that you are more than your brother’s shadow!”

“You promised me that you’ll keep quiet about us! First chance and you tell him we did it on the backseat? Who the hell do you think you are?”

That hurt and Paul took a step back, swallowing hard.

“I thought I was your friend.. And since you made clear yesterday, that there is no _us_ , there’s nothing to keep quiet about anyway,” he said and threw his knife in front of Daryl’s feet before he turned around to go back to the camp.

Daryl wanted to yell something after him but bit his lower lip instead. He wanted to follow him, but kicked a tree instead. He picked up the knife, leaned back against the tree and wrapped his arms around his knees, staring into the dark.

Merle was looking up when Paul came back. “Where’s my brother?”

“In the woods, being a stubborn baby.” Paul said out of pure anger and dropped himself on the ground. “You can go get some sleep. First shift is on me.” 

“Whatever,” Merle said and stood up, “Wake me up if he ain’t back in an hour or somethin’.”

“Sure.”

Paul started throwing little sticks into the fire and watched how sparks popped up every time he did that.  
Daryl was mad and disappointed and he got that, but only because both of them knew he was telling the truth while he was pretending that he just made it up.  
If he’d just played cool, everything would be fine but he was freaking out and it would be no surprise if that would make Merle getting suspicious instead of just buying that it was a lie.  
It took about 30 minutes until Daryl returned to the camp, asking: “Where’s Merle?” without looking at Paul. 

“Asleep, I guess,” Paul replied tiredly, still staring into the fire and he heard Daryl crawling into the tent as well.  
Paul sighed and actually started to consider taking his stuff and just leave.. If that was what Daryl wanted… In the end, he was the third wheel and that wouldn’t change.  
Atlanta wasn’t that far away anymore, maybe he would be able to walk there or find a car himself..

While Paul was arguing with himself what to do, Daryl came back and settled down next to him.

“Go back to sleep, you need it..” Paul said and Daryl was quiet for a while before he replied: “I can’t sleep.”

Both turned their heads at the same time and their eyes met. Daryl looked so vulnerable and insecure and Paul wanted to do nothing but shower him with love and support, but he knew it wasn’t that easy.

“I know what I did was wrong, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking,” Paul said quietly but Daryl shook his head.  
“You just tried to help…”

There was silence between the two men for a long while, then they suddenly spoke at the same time:

“Do you want me to leave?”  
“Please don’t leave me.”

A shaky breath escaped Paul’s throat and he smiled with relief.

Daryl pulled him into a tight embrace and buried his face in the crook of his neck. “I don’t wanna lose you..” he mumbled and Paul wrapped his arms around him as well. “You won’t..” he whispered and closed his eyes.

“Guess I’m a mess as well..” 

Paul gave that a suppressed laugh and run his fingers through Daryl’s short hair.

“That’s fine.. I can handle that..”

“You sure?”

“I know you’re worth the trouble..”

Daryl pulled back a little and wanted to say something but Paul brushed over his lips with his fingertips and shook his head, then he cupped his face with both hands and kissed him. He expected that Daryl would stop him, but Daryl pulled him closer and buried his hands in his long hair, returning the kiss with so much passion that Paul felt dizzy from the rush of lust that flooded his body, caused by the way Daryl showed how much he wanted him.  
Now he was sure that Daryl’s try to end what was between them wasn’t because he didn’t want it but for some other reason and he wouldn’t give up on him.

Beside the unbreakable will to always get what he wanted, Paul had a lot of patience and slowly, he had to admit to himself that he wanted Daryl and not just physically, he wanted to be with him for real, the whole package, with all the trouble.

Paul was about to slip his hand into Daryl’s pants but regretted it the next moment, when Daryl broke up the kiss and grabbed his wrist.

“Sorry..” Paul said out of breath but Daryl shook his head. “Merle.. he could come out anytime..” he explained with regret in his voice and Paul let out a frustrated sigh, took Daryl’s hand and started to play with his fingers. He shifted a bit away from him until he reached a friend-zone distance, but didn’t let go of his hand.  
He needed a physical connection now and Daryl wasn’t complaining so he laced their fingers together and shot him an insecure look.  
Daryl gave him a weak smile and squeezed his hand a little.

“Feels like we’ve been here before..” Paul said.

“Just no marshmallows..” Daryl replied quietly.

“And too much distractions.”

“Hmh..”

“What do you think is waiting for us in Atlanta?”

“We’ll see..”

Paul looked over to Daryl, whose leg had started twitching nervously. He was biting his fingernails and focused on the flames.

“Are you okay?” Paul asked, feeling Daryl’s hand getting sweaty, but he got no reply.

“Daryl?”

“I’m okay.”

“You don’t look okay..”

“Because I’m not, okay? I fuckin’ want you to fuck me against a damn tree or somethin’ but my damn brother is in that tent and there could be walkers in the woods so what now?” Daryl asked and looked at Paul who just blinked at him with his stunning eyes and it didn’t make it better. Daryl didn’t even know why he said that, why he said things to Paul he would never say to anyone else..  
The kiss had been so hot and Paul had reanimated needs in him he had buried long ago and those needs wanted to be satisfied now because the object of his desire was sitting right there.

“That’s why I was trying to distract myself with smalltalk..” Paul confessed and Daryl huffed.

“Did it work?”

“No..”

They exchanged another look.  
“I’ve seen a nice tree back the..” Paul started but Daryl interrupted.

“Shut up.”

“Okay..”

There was another awkward silence between them for a while until Daryl suddenly started to chuckle and Paul joined him right away and though both eased up a bit, the tension was still strong and about to explode any minute.

“Hey… Your shared shift starts soon...After that it’s only him..”

“So?”

“Then the tent is ours.”

“And?”

A vague smile flashed over Paul’s lips.

“We’ll see.”

 

 

***

 

 


	10. Reach out and touch faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!! Thank you all so so much for your encouraging comments!! Actually I wanted to wait with the update until the week-end to give me time to look over this chapter a lot because I didn't want to mess it up but it is my Birthday and I feel like posting and it is what it is now so I hope you enjoy it =D <3

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 10***

 

 

 

 

 

Daryl was spending his shift with Merle mostly in silence, while Paul went to get some sleep and he couldn’t think about anything else than what had happened the last time they’ve been together in that tent.  
If Daryl would be honest to himself, he’d say he wasn’t happy that he found his brother, or at least that he found him so early, because his alone time with Paul was the best time he ever had. He really seemed to care about him because otherwise, he would be long gone and slowly Daryl started to accept the feeling that someone was seeing more in him than just a worthless piece of shit.  
That someone cared about what he had to say or if he was okay.

“So.. Jesus is your new BFF now, hm?” Merle broke the silence and Daryl felt his chest tighten right away.

“He’s a good guy.. and he helped me.”

“I don’t know, man.. I think he’s a fag. The way he looks at you...you should be careful.”

“If you think so, then why do you let him stay?” Daryl asked calmly, well aware of how his brother thought about homosexuals.

“’Cause we need every help we can get right now. If not for fighting, we could still feed him to the walkers.”

“Come again?” Daryl snarled and peered hard at Merle.

“Just kidding! What’s wrong with you, you be on your period?”

“Paul’s with us now.” Daryl clarified and Merle cocked an eyebrow. “Are you a sissy, too? Hm? Or what’s going on with you and Jesus… You don’t think he’s just using you to get by? As soon as we’re in Atlanta he’ll be gone anyway, finding better company than some white trash like us.”

Daryl felt his heartbeat raising and tried to keep his breathing calm while he refused to believe his brother like he used to do but still, the doubts were planted.

“It ain’t like that.” Daryl mumbled, more to convince himself than his brother.

“You know him for what? Two days? He’s buttering you up a bit and you become his little bitch?”

Daryl said nothing and Merle just kept going: “He’s playing nice but don’t you forget that in the end, I’m the only one who cares about you.”

Daryl bit his lower lip and stared into the fire. For a long time, he had accepted things just the way they were and just went along with everything but now, slowly, he felt the need for a change and maybe with Paul by his side, he would find the courage to stand up to his brother and finally change things.

_Because I care about you, Daryl._ Paul’s words echoed in his head. _I know you’re worth the trouble._

“I try to get some sleep,” Daryl announced and stood up. He wasn’t waiting for his brother’s permission and crawled into the tent quietly, to not wake up Paul, but deep inside he hoped, that he was still awake.  
Daryl closed the zipper and was lying down next to his friend, looking at his relaxed face with a sad smile on his lips.  
He was so beautiful with his long lashes, that perfect little nose, those full lips that were so soft… It was hard to believe that a guy like him could even show the slightest interest in a guy like Daryl, but before he got the chance to keep riding on that train of thoughts, Paul cast up his eyes and the next moment, Daryl felt those soft lips he was just musing about on his, making his heart skip a beat and he closed his eyes.

“I was waiting for you..” Paul whispered against his lips before he slowly deepened the kiss and earned a soft moan from Daryl for that. He didn’t even care anymore that Merle was just a few meters away from them, he wanted Paul so much, there was no way to wait any longer. He needed him, the way he made him feel good and desirable, he needed to feel the proof, that Merle was wrong.

Paul ended the kiss sweetly and locked eyes with Daryl the moment he dared to open them, holding up a little bottle that looked damn familiar and Daryl cracked a smile at the fact that Paul had considered that a useful thing to bring along in a possible apocalypse.  
He nodded, making Paul smile and he gave him a sign that they had to be quiet before he started to free Daryl from his pants.

Daryl closed his eyes again, laid back and relaxed. The memories from New Year’s came back and his heart was beating faster. After that night, he thought he would never feel this fire again, that heated up every inch of his body, but here they were.. together.. on fire.  
Daryl covered his mouth with the back of his hand to keep himself quiet when Paul started to prepare him and this time it felt even better because the last time, they had nothing for support and it helped him to relax.  
Daryl squeezed his eyes shut and bit his hand to not scream out loud, when Paul finally entered his body with ease.  
He was going so slow on him, it was almost torture, while kissing his neck and whispering over and over, how perfect he was.

Overwhelmed by the love and appreciation he felt, Daryl blinked away a tear and Paul caught it with his lips, then he hold still for a moment and their eyes found each other.  
Paul caressed Daryl’s cheek and smiled at him, waiting for a sign that it was okay to keep going and Daryl returned the smile weakly.  
Right now, he knew for sure that his brother was wrong. Paul cared about him. He cared about him more than anyone ever did.  
Paul bent down for another kiss and his hair tickled Daryl’s face, so he brushed it away gently and let his hand rest in Paul’s neck.  
He was able to adjust to his slow pace and their bodies soon functioned in perfect sync. It was so quiet, Daryl was able to hear Paul’s heart beat against his chest, his breath brushing his skin, only being interrupted by a suppressed moan now and then.  
Whenever he could, he tried to lock eyes with his lover, burning the way they looked at him into his memory before he was about to lose his senses.  
He let his hands slide down Paul’s back and up again, tangling his fingers with his hair, just to hold on to something, when suddenly, a shadow flashed over the tent, causing them to freeze.

It was Merle, walking around outside and both men held their breaths, looking at each other, not sure what to do.  
Paul’s body was trembling and he could see that Daryl was close as well, so he just kept going, faster this time, and Daryl closed his eyes again, letting himself fall, no matter what would happen.  
Daryl felt Paul come and followed him right away, pulling him into a tight embrace to keep him from shaking.  
He was just holding him until his breathing slowed down to a regular base and with Paul slowly calming down, he felt himself come down as well. They exchanged a few lazy kisses, then Paul suddenly chuckled against his neck.

“What’s so funny?” Daryl asked, keeping his voice low and not able to fight back a grin himself.

“We really just did this while..”

“Yeah, I know, now get off of me, you jerk,” Daryl teased and Paul rolled off of him, looking for something to clean them up and luckily, he found a pack of tissues.  
He handed half of the pack over to Daryl and they hurried to erase even the slightest trace to what just happened and after they were clean and fully dressed again, Paul snuggled up to Daryl and gave him a peck on the cheek.  
Daryl wrapped an arm around him, kissed him on the forehead and sighed.

“You know what I was thinking?” Paul asked and Daryl shook his head.

“Friends with benefits.”

“Hm?” Daryl cocked an eyebrow.

“You said you don’t want a relationship but I kinda get the feeling that you enjoy doing things with me, so…”

“You kinda get the feeling? I always knew you were smart.”

Paul snorted and tickled Daryl’s side, enjoying that it was making him flinch.

“But think about it..” he started over and rested his head on his chest, “No obligations, no pressure.. Just you and me, being friends and doing things when we feel like it.”

Daryl looked up and started playing with Paul’s hair.

“What if it doesn’t work?” he asked after a while and Paul sighed almost theatrically.

“Nothing. Then we’re just friends without benefits. Probably sad friends because who would want to give up something like we have..” 

Daryl bit his lower lip for a while, then he nodded.

“Okay, let’s try.”

Paul’s face lit up and he was looking so happy that Daryl’s heart jumped in his chest. Maybe he would never understand why, but he slowly realized, that Paul seemed to be serious about this. Maybe they didn’t fit together, maybe they shouldn’t be together, but for some reason, they genuinely liked each other and there wasn’t any more Daryl needed to be sure about for now.

“You know, I was thinking, too.” he said and Paul tilted his head.

“As soon as we’re in Atlanta and know what’s going on, I’ll tell Merle.”

“Tell him what?”

“That we’re friends with benefits.”

“Daryl... you really don’t have to. I know things are difficult with your brother...”

“No, I want to. I’m sick of this. I don’t wanna hide no more. What’s the point of it now anyway? Either he rolls with it or he ain’t but I meant what I said. I don’t wanna lose you.”

Paul smiled and leaned in to steal another kiss. “Whatever happens, I got your back,” he promised and Daryl nodded with a little smile. “I know. I have no idea why someone like me deserves to have something like this with someone like you but I ain’t gonna waste it.”

“You might not believe it, but I think the same. It hurt when you wanted me to leave, that was the moment I realized how much you already mean to me.”

“I didn’t want you to leave.. I was just pissed..”

“I know that now. And you had all reasons to be.”

“But I like this better..” Daryl pulled Paul closer and buried his nose in his soft hair, breathing in his scent.

“Me too..” Paul mumbled and closed his eyes. He let his hand wander over Daryl’s arm, up and down, just enjoying the feeling of being close to him for as long as they were able to. He knew they had to sleep separated in case of Merle coming in to wake them up, but that was okay. He had been able to get what he wanted while giving Daryl the feeling to be in a situation he felt comfortable with.  
For him, it didn’t matter how they labeled what they had, as long as they stayed together and as long as Daryl wanted to be close to him, like now.  
Paul decided to allow himself one last shot at love and that one was for Daryl and he would wait and be patient until Daryl was ready to take the final step. Until then, he just had to make him believe that he was capable of functioning in a relationship, because Paul assumed that might be his fear but he had faith that Daryl would make a great boyfriend, once all his doubts were gone.

“Hey..” Paul whispered.

“Hm?”

“Which way do you prefer?” he asked and looked at Daryl curiously.

Daryl just shrugged, looking back at him like a lamb and Paul was wondering how a guy like him was able to behave so cute and pure at certain times, while looking like a total badass. 

“Come on, you can be honest,” Paul tried to encourage him but Daryl shrugged again.

“As long as it’s you...” he finally said and Paul laughed. “Okay. I let you get away with that for now.”

“Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t. I was just curious. Just ..I wanted to make sure that you are okay.”

“Never been better.” Daryl said honestly and Paul believed him.

“I… wanted to tell you something. Actually, when we were in the mountains.. I already wanted to tell you..” Daryl started but got interrupted.

“FUCK!” Merle was yelling and started to batter the tent. “Get your lazy asses out here! We got a problem!”

Daryl and Paul exchanged an alarmed look and jumped up, grabbing their weapons and hurried outside.

 

 

***

 

 


	11. On the bright side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~ Did I mention how damn happy and grateful I am for each of you who takes the time to leave a comment? Yes? But I'll say it again because it means a lot to me and keeps me motivated so thank you all so much!!
> 
> I hope you have fun with this little chapter and have a nice rest week-end =3 <3

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 11***

 

 

 

 

“What the hell is going on?” Daryl asked and looked around, while Paul stayed close behind him, back to back and with his knifes ready to fight.

“Those damn bitches took the car and hit the road!” Merle cursed, “C’mon!” He was running to where they parked the car, followed by Daryl and Paul.   
They could still make out the back light in the distance, then the car went out of sight.

“Yeah, you go and better pray you’ll never see my face again ‘cause that will be the last thing you’ll see you stupid bitches!” Merle yelled furiously.

“Why would they steal the car? They were safe with us..” Paul said out of breath and Daryl had no plausible answer for him, but Merle had.

“Because _you_ asshole had to shove into their faces that you’re fucking my brother after she tried all night to get him to fuck her, that’s why!” Merle yelled at Paul while walking up close, pushing him a few times, making him stumble backwards.

“Bullshit! Now leave him alone!” Daryl warned and pulled Merle back, “You were bringing them damn chicks with you, not us!”

“Yeah I thought I was doing you a favor, but you brought your own girlfriend, who could...”

“STOP IT! He ain’t a girl, stop calling him names and get used to him being with us now, will you?”

“Or what? You gonna leave? With _him_?” Merle spat, pointing at Paul.

“Maybe. Whatcha gonna do about it? Huh?” Daryl asked and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Paul was about to step between the brothers before they were killing each other, but then he spotted something just a few meters away from them.

“Guys… I don’t think they left because what any of us did but because of them..” 

Merle and Daryl looked into the direction Paul was pointing to and now saw the walkers, trying to make their way through the trees, as well.

“Shit..” Merle said and soon they realized, they were surrounded.

“Stay close to each other..we can do this!” Paul said and they all moved together, building a little circle, standing back to back and waited for the walkers to come closer.

“Aim for the brain!” Merle reminded and they started taking out the walkers one after another until they became more and more and things got out of control. The circle broke and each of them started their own fight for survival.

“Damn, they are too many and it’s still too dark! Maybe we should run!” Paul called out and turned around, getting knocked down by a punch in the face. He stumbled backwards, stepped on a tree root that was spilled with guts and blood and slipped.

“Sorry. It’s too dark, I though you was a walker.” Merle said with an ugly grin and Daryl hurried to Paul.

“You damn asshole did that on purpose!” he yelled, then focused on his friend, trying to help him up. “C’mon you gotta get up..”

“My foot… I can’t...” Paul hissed, clinging to Daryl for stability.

“Hop on my back. I’ll get you outta here!” Daryl promised and Paul climbed on his back without thinking.

“You keep them walkers away!” he added and made his way through the mess, while Paul stabbed the attackers in the head or just pushed them away if there was no other way.  
As soon as Daryl had a clear path, he started running without looking back and didn’t stop until they reached the road at the break of dawn, where he almost collapsed.

“We made it..” Paul said while crouching by his side, stroking his back for comfort, waiting until Daryl was able to breathe properly again.

Daryl looked at Paul, noticing that his lip was split open and he felt a sharp pain in his chest, knowing that his brother did this.

“Are you okay?”

“More or less.. are you?”

“I am.. let me look at your foot..” Daryl mumbled, placed Paul’s leg on his lap carefully and pulled at the shoelace.

“Sneakers are not really the best choice for a situation like this..” he said while he tried to free Paul from his shoe with care.

“Sorry that I haven’t had my battle gear ready for the apocalypse..” Paul replied and Daryl gave that a quick smile.

“Can you move it?”

“Yeah.. a bit..”

“Your ankle is a bit swollen but nothing broken. We need something to treat it, though.” Daryl said and looked around, trying to figure out where they were.

“We’ve been here before, we passed a small town a few miles back. Let’s get there,” he decided and pulled the sock back over Paul’s foot.

“Don’t you wanna wait for your brother?”

“Nah. If he made it, he’ll catch up or meet us in Atlanta. I better not be around him now anyway..”

Paul looked down, feeling guilty for being the reason Daryl fought with his brother and said: “You don’t have to choose me over him.. We just met.. He’s your family...I..”

“I didn’t. He chose. He wanted you gone and if he wouldn’t be such an asshole, we’d still be there, fighting with him. This is on him, not you. It ain’t that hard to just try to get along with you but he chose not to. I ain’t running from him and I ain’t pushing him away if he comes back, all I ask is him to stop treating you like crap. We can’t go back there anyway now, there were too many of them and you are in no condition to fight now. We better move before they come after us.” 

“Thank you.” Paul said and smiled at Daryl.

“For what?”

“For standing up for me and not leaving me behind..”

“We’re gonna make it. Together.” Daryl promised and stood up, helping Paul to get up as well. “Even if I have to carry you all the way to Atlanta.”

Paul twined his arms around Daryl’s neck and pressed his lips on his with a bit more force than he had probably planned and Daryl hugged him tightly. He lifted him up in the air and just started walking without breaking up the kiss. 

“What are you doing?” Paul mumbled against his lips.

“No time to waste but no kiss to waste either.” Daryl mumbled back and Paul chuckled. “Put me down, jerk.”

“But you can’t walk..”

“But you need a break, you were running all the way..”

“I’m fine. I’ll let you know if I need a break.” Daryl assured and put Paul down and his crossbow back in front of him, waiting for Paul to hop on his back again, then he kept walking.

“Damn, we left everything there.. All our supplies, I only have two knifes with me..” Paul said.

“That’s better than nothing. I’ll miss our tent, though..” Daryl replied and Paul laughed. “We can try find a new one.”

“That won’t be the same.” 

Paul laughed again and squeezed Daryl a bit. “We’ll find new stuff and make them ours.”

Daryl huffed. “If you say so.”

“I don’t need much anyway.. Something to drink would be nice, though.”

“Hmh.. If we’re lucky, the town is empty and we can loot.”

“I would be surprised if there are still people.. I bet we’re the only ones walking into the wrong direction.”

“I’m the only one walking here.”

“Sorry..”

“That was a joke.”

“You’re my hero.”

“Stop that.”

Paul chuckled, breathed a kiss on Daryl’s neck and enjoyed seeing that it caused him to get goosebumps.

“That too.”

“Sorry.. I’m enjoying this too much, I’m afraid..”

“That’s fine.. just don’t make my knees go wobbly.”

Paul rested his head on Daryl’s shoulder and smiled. He just couldn’t help being happy with every moment he was allowed to spend with him, no matter how fucked up the situation was.

“You saved my life again...”

“If it wasn’t for my brother, you wouldn’t need saving.. You’re a pretty good fighter.”

“At least _that_ training was good for something after all.”

“You had training?”

“Hmh.. After.. you know.. I needed something to let off steam and it kinda grew on me..”

“You miss him?” Daryl asked and Paul could hear that he wasn’t really enthusiastic to hear the answer.

“It’s the past. Sure, there are moments I like to remember but.. no. I don’t miss him anymore and I wouldn’t change how things are now. Well.. I would change having a nonfunctional foot, if I could. But if I hadn’t been with him and he wouldn’t have left me, I wouldn’t have been where you and I met for the first time that night and we probably wouldn’t be here now.”

“Always look at the bright side, huh?”

“Exactly. Never thought I’d be able to see things like that again.”

“Keep it. You’ll need it these days.”

“Yeah, I planned on keeping you.”

Daryl huffed softly and smiled. “Yeah, keep doing that sweet talk so I won’t drop you.”

“I know you won’t drop me.”

“Nah, I won’t, but I have to put you down for a moment,” Daryl announced and let Paul slide off his back carefully.

“It’s okay.. I can hobble for a while.”

“Don’t strain your foot. I need you to recover fast.”

“Just give me a little support.”

“Alright..” Daryl wrapped an arm around Paul to give him stability and they moved on a bit slower than before, but at least they kept moving and about one and a half hours later, they finally reached the small town, Daryl was talking about.

 

 

***

 

 


	12. Everyone gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone =D Because I am sick, I have a bit time to keep writing, so you get an update before the weekend =) I hope you enjoy <3

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 12***

 

 

 

 

 

“As expected… Everyone gone.” Paul said after they walked a bit into the town.  
The streets were deserted, but it was obvious that it hadn’t been like this for long.

“Scary, isn’t it?”

“I like the silence.” Daryl said and then pointed into a direction. “There’s a gas station. Let’s get something to drink first.”

“It’s a bit of a dream coming true. The whole town is empty and we can take what we want. Doesn’t everyone wish for something like that to happen once in their lifetime?” Paul asked and Daryl shrugged.

“Let’s just hope there weren’t too many living the dream before us.”

Daryl carried Paul the last few meters to the station and carefully checked if there wasn’t any walker inside before he dropped him. He headed for the drinks immediately, took a bottle of water and drank it off almost completely before he threw another over to Paul, who caught it with one hand.

“We’re two lucky bastards, seems like no one was here since they cleared out the cities.” Daryl said and walked around, grabbed a two Dollar bag and stuffed it with drinks and snacks.

“The sandwiches here are still good, want some?” Paul asked, while he couldn’t decide between ham and cheese and tuna. He decided to take both.

“Sure. Grab a bag and take as much as you can carry.” Daryl said and threw two packs of cigarettes into his bag, together with a few lighters and a third one, he chose to open in the store to take one and stuffed the pack in his pocket.

“The last time I had a proper meal was before I went to work that night, when the bar got attacked...” Paul realized and Daryl nodded. “Same.. Next we go find something to patch up your foot, then we picnic, sounds good?”

“Sounds perfect.” Paul agreed, while he filled his bag with chocolate bars.

“Hey, Daryl!”

“Hm?” Daryl lit up the cigarette and looked over to Paul.

“Is this our first date?” he smiled.

Daryl snorted. “Call it whatever you like.”

“I said after the third time, I want a date. I counted three times,” he winked.  
Daryl shrugged but gave it a short nod. “But don’t expect too much, I’m kinda broke.”

“It’s fine. This time, everything is on me.” Paul said and they exchanged a quick look, both with a smile on their lips.  
Daryl’s eyes rested on Paul a bit longer and he would never stop being surprised by how he managed to make everything to feel easier.

“C’mon. Let’s look for a pharmacy or something.” Daryl said and waited for Paul to be by his side. He threw the bag over his shoulder and wrapped an arm around him to make it easier for him to walk.  
Because the town wasn’t really big, they found the pharmacy fast and Daryl kicked in the locked door.  
Paul waited outside and kept an eye on the surrounding because walkers could appear anytime but gladly, Daryl came back with everything they needed fast and crouched next to him.

“This should do,” he said and put down some bandages and ointment and freed Paul from his shoe and sock again.

Paul watched how Daryl treated his swollen ankle with the ointment and then wrapping the bandages around it to keep it stable. He was so gentle and careful, that it made him smile.

“Try stand with it.” Daryl ordered and helped Paul to get up and he tried to walk a few steps.

“It works quite well. I might need new shoes, though.” Paul said and Daryl looked around. “Well.. nothing against a little shopping-tour.”

“I’m in. But let’s eat first. I’m starving.”

“Sure. Just wait a second!” Daryl said and vanished around the corner. Paul heard glass break, then Daryl came back with a blanket, which he stretched out over the pavement.

“What?” he asked when he noticed Paul’s look. “Thought it’s a date. Can’t let you sit in the dirt.”

Paul felt his heart beat a bit faster and he made himself comfortable on the blanket, wondering if Daryl was aware how sweet he was.

Both spread out the food they took from the gas-station between them and started eating, realizing with every bite how hungry they actually were.  
Still, they ate only enough to not feel the hunger anymore and stuffed the rest back into their bags for later.  
Daryl rolled up the blanket and they kept exploring the town.  
The store, where Daryl got the blanket, had also backpacks beside a large assortment of handbags and other stuff they didn’t need. They took two and repacked their stuff before they kept moving.

After a little walk, they stopped again in front of a biker-store, where Paul spotted a pair of boots in the window.

“I think I like these,” he decided and Daryl tore out the closest street sign to break the glass.

“After you,” he mumbled and helped Paul to climb inside without stepping into broken glass.

“Thanks,” he smiled and grabbed the shoes to try them on. They would be good for long walks, bring a bit more stability to his hurt ankle and be great to kick some walker-asses in the future, Paul thought.  
While he was busy with his shoes, Daryl looked through the leather jackets and a certain piece caught his attention.  
It was a vest with wings on the back and something like that, Daryl wished he could have been able to afford for years.  
He looked at the price tag and kept walking, like it mattered now.

Paul noticed Daryl’s interest in that piece, stood up and tried to walk carefully at first and when he was sure that he actually was able to walk, only with a little limp, he took the vest from the hanger and headed to the checkout area.

“Excuse me? Could you wrap this up fast please? I want to surprise my sweetheart,” he said as if he was talking to someone and Daryl looked over to him, realizing what he was doing.

“What, are you my sugar-daddy now?” he scoffed and Paul laughed.

“Come on, just take it. It’s made for you!” he encouraged his friend, but Daryl was still struggling.  
Yeah, he had done enough shit with his brother, but his pride kept him from taking something he didn’t exactly need to survive. He wasn’t _that_ kind of person. Paul needed treatment and shoes, they needed to carry stuff and a blanket for cold nights, but he didn’t need a fancy vest.

“Daryl...”

“What?”

“You want it. You’re hurting no one with taking it now. Try it on!”

“Fine..” Daryl ripped the vest out of Paul’s hands and put it on.

“Perfect.” Paul smiled and let his fingers glide over the leather, then he ripped off the price tag. “Now it’s yours.”

Daryl huffed and smiled. “Alright. You won. Come on, let’s go. Maybe we find a car to borrow.” 

“You know.. for someone who does business for his drug-dealing brother and runs around with a gun, you’re a pretty good guy..” Paul said and Daryl turned away from him, obviously ashamed for where he was coming from.

“Just because I roll with what Merle’s doing, doesn’t mean I like it. I just got nothing else to do. It’s the only life I know.”

Paul hugged Daryl from behind and snuggled his cheek against his back.  
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

“But it doesn’t matter. Not to me.. What matters to me is what I see and I see a man who is honest, caring, sweet, brave and loyal. You make me smile and you make me feel like I am in the right place..”

Daryl said nothing to that and freed himself from the embrace. “Let’s go.”  
Paul sighed and followed him. It made him sad to see how Daryl was not able to realize that he was a good person, no matter what he might have done in the past, and that he deserved good things.  
He thought he would never be able to open up to someone again, but everything was different with Daryl, everything was perfect with him..  
Paul was struggling to speak out loud what was on his mind, but he wanted Daryl to know.   
He knew it was too soon, but he needed to say something...anything.

“Daryl..” he started, but Daryl raised an arm, giving him a sign to be quiet and Paul saw why.  
A small group of walkers came up the street and when they tried to escape another way quietly, more walkers appeared and blocked their way.

Daryl gave Paul his backpack and Paul jumped on his back because he could walk a bit, but running wouldn’t be a good idea, if he wanted his foot to heal fast.  
Daryl crossed the street and saw no other way but break into a house and blocked the door from the inside.

“Guess we’re trapped again..” he said as a matter of fact and Paul slid off his back to look around.  
It looked like the house of a small family and the photos on the wall proved that his first impression was right.  
Paul took a framed picture off the wall and took a closer look at it.

“I wonder if they’re okay...” he said quietly, slowly realizing that what was happening at the moment probably meant that a lot of families with kids or old people were on the run to a safe place and by the growing amount of walkers, a lot of them obviously didn’t make it.   
The small group with the child he talked to on the road, they were probably dead already. None of them looked like a survival expert like Daryl was, they were just normal people with scared children, no weapons, probably no fighting skills…

Paul brushed away a tear and put the picture away.

“You okay?” Daryl asked and Paul shook his head, dropped against him and hugged him tightly.

“Hey.. we’ll be okay,” he tried to soothe him and wrapped his arms around him.

“Yeah.. but what about all the other people?” Paul blubbered out, “Kids, old people, everyone who doesn’t know how to fight,… babies...” his voice broke and he started sobbing.  
Daryl had no answer to that, so he just hold him tight until he calmed down.

“Some will be alright, some won’t.” Daryl said and dried his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “We will be alright.”

Paul nodded and took a deep breath. “Sorry. Though I prefer to keep people at a distance, it’s hard for me not to care..”

Daryl smiled and pressed his lips on his forehead. “It’s good to care,” he said and nudged his cheek.  
Paul gave him a weak smile and nodded.

Just now, Daryl noticed how tired his friend looked and he was pretty exhausted himself.

“Maybe we should stay here for a while, take some rest. You didn’t sleep at all last night,” he pointed out and Paul looked up.

“Neither did you.”

“If we stay quiet, we should be safe from the walkers, don’t you think?”

Paul nodded. “Okay. We stay. At least until we got a clear path.”

 

 

***

 

 


	13. The ordinary things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone and welcome to the week-end chapter! Not much happens this time but I hope you enjoy a bit of cheesy, domestic fluff :'D Consider it the calm before the storm or something. I am not sure if I will be able to update next week because I am at a con at the week-end.
> 
> Have a nice rest week-end =D

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 13***

 

 

 

 

 

While Daryl checked out the rooms, Paul was sitting in the living-room, switching through the TV-channels.

“Any news?” Daryl asked when he joined him and Paul shook his head.

“The same on all channels. All people in the area are required go to Atlanta immediately. It’s on repeat.”

“Nothing about why and what happened?”

“No. Nothing.” Paul said and turned off the TV. “I think I’ll take the chance and take a shower,” he announced, “Wanna join me? I could slip and hurt my foot even more..”

Daryl smiled. “Well played, asshole.” 

He got up and just picked his friend up to carry him to the bathroom.  
Paul was heavy in his arms and Daryl got the feeling, he would fall asleep anytime soon.

“We should stay at least until tomorrow, we both need the rest..” Daryl suggested and Paul nodded. “And we both need the shower,” he added with a grin.

Daryl started to feel nervous at the thought of being completely naked in front of Paul.  
They had been naked together before, but it was different. It had never been in a bright room and their minds had been busy with other stuff…

In the bathroom, while Paul already started undressing, he was still standing there, doing nothing at all.

“What are you waiting for? You want me to put on a show?” Paul winked and Daryl blushed.

“No.” he said hastily and looked away.

“Hey.. you can look at me, it’s okay. It’s a bit late to be shy now anyway, don’t you think?” Paul smiled and Daryl felt stupid.

“Should I wrap something around my foot so it doesn’t get wet?”

Daryl shook his head. “Nah, just leave the bandage on, I brought enough stuff to make a new one later,” he said and finally started undressing himself as well, while Paul already regulated the water temperature.   
Daryl was glad that Paul’s focus was somewhere else and he watched him step into the shower.

“Oh my god, this never felt so good..” he said with eyes closed and tilted his head back to let the hot water run over his face.  
Daryl took the chance, dropped his pants and joined him.  
Paul felt two strong arms around his body and leaned into the embrace with a sigh, his eyes still closed.  
Daryl kissed his shoulder and dropped his head against it, remaining like that for a little while, just enjoying the hot water and the feeling of being close to Paul, knowing that he never wanted to let him go again.

After a while, Paul opened his eyes and grabbed a shampoo bottle, but Daryl took it from him.  
“Let me..” he mumbled and Paul smiled. “Okay.”

“Close your eyes.” Daryl ordered.

“Hmm.” Paul hummed and did as he was told.

Daryl started rubbing a bit of shampoo into Paul’s hair, realizing that he wasn’t exactly the most skilled person, but he just really enjoyed giving his friend a little head massage and Paul seemed to enjoy it as well.  
He shampooed his whole hair until it was covered with foam and washed it out carefully, trying to not get any into his eyes.

“You’re beautiful..” Daryl mumbled and Paul turned around to look at him. “What?” he blinked.

“That’s what I wanted to tell you… Last night and when we were in your apartment and in the mountains. That I think you’re beautiful..”

Though it wasn’t actually a confession people usually struggled to speak out loud, Paul could see that it was kind of a big deal for Daryl and he smiled. “You too..” he replied but Daryl shook his head, took a step back and mumbled something that was impossible to understand, looking like Paul had offended him with the compliment.

“Yes you are.” he grabbed Daryl’s wrists to pull him closer, “Why can’t you see that?” he asked and took the body wash, starting to lather his chest. Daryl said nothing and Paul moved around him to soap his back.  
In this light, his scars looked even more horrible than the first time he noticed them and he didn’t want to imagine how Daryl got them.

“Will you ever tell me who did this to you?” he asked quietly, while he let his hands glide over his back with care, expecting that he wouldn’t get an answer, but then Daryl said: “My dad..”

Paul felt his chest tighten and swallowed hard.

“Daryl..I..”

“Don’t.” Daryl said and turned around. “Just let it go..please.”

Paul nodded, hugged him and snuggled his cheek against his chest.  
“I don’t know my parents..” he confessed quietly and Daryl frowned. “What happened?”

“Nothing… They just didn’t want me, I guess..”

“Their loss, not yours.” Daryl said and a sad smile flashed over Paul’s lips.

“I’ll keep you,” he added and Paul chuckled softly.

They looked at each other and Daryl bent down to kiss Paul, who wrapped his arms around his neck to lift himself up a bit.  
It was a short, but intimate kiss, like a silent promise that they would be there for each other from now on.  
There were no doubts, no judging, no need to be ashamed of anything. For the first time in his life, Daryl felt like he was enough.

They finished showering in silence. Paul was dressed in a purple bathrobe he found in the closet, sitting on the fleecy carpet in the middle of the bathroom and dried his hair on the lowest level of the hair-dryer he found, to not make too much noise.  
Daryl was sitting on the closed toilet, with a towel wrapped around his waist because someone had the great idea to wash their clothes, just watching him, trying to understand how he got so lucky to meet this guy and even managed somehow to make Paul like him.

Paul interrupted drying his hair and looked over to Daryl.

“Is this so interesting to watch?” he asked with a cute smile and Daryl shrugged. “It’s calming. Though the purple isn’t really your color.”

Paul snorted and kept blow-drying his long hair, trying not to show that he secretly enjoyed feeling Daryl’s eyes on him. It felt like forever, since someone had looked at him like Daryl did and it felt really good. It wasn’t like he wanted to jump on him and eat him alive, it was pure adoring. Daryl appeared a bit rough sometimes, but his eyes never lied.

When Paul was done with his hair, he moved over to Daryl, settled down on his lap and started drying his hair as well.

“Don’t.. I don’t need that..” Daryl complained but Paul was stubborn.

“And I don’t need you to catch a cold.”

“You are a horrible person.”

“Guess we just deserve each other.” Paul teased and squeaked when Daryl started tickling him.

“Get away from my hair! You make me go look like an exploded dog.” Daryl argued, making Paul drop the hair dryer and start to defend himself from the attack.

“That’s not fair, I’m handicapped!” Paul protested, still laughing and Daryl just picked him up, threw him over his shoulder and carried him to the bedroom, where he dropped him on the soft mattress.  
He joined him right away and Paul tackled him down, just to kiss him.

“Please keep me..” he whispered and snuggled up to Daryl, while he was pulling the blanket over them.  
Daryl wrapped his arms around Paul, tangled his fingers with his hair, nuzzled his beard, closed his eyes and smiled. “Hmh.”

He was happy and Paul was happy. It was easy to forget what world was waiting for them outside of this house that wasn’t theirs, while being cuddled up in a bed that belonged to strangers.  
Both men were beyond exhausted from the journey so far and though it was still in the middle of the day, Daryl was the first who fell asleep while Paul was still watching him, wondering if Daryl still didn’t want to be with him for real when they were already acting like a real couple. But he would leave it up to Daryl to change their status and just try to be the partner he deserved while they were pretending they weren’t actual partners.

“Can’t you see that I’m falling in love with you?” he whispered and placed a kiss between his eyebrows. He smiled at the fact that the little frown that was there before vanished and Daryl looked completely relaxed now.  
Paul knew, that even if the world would go back to normal, he would want to be with Daryl.  
They knew each other for only a couple of days and he already felt a level of trust between them, he usually needed years to build up with someone. Maybe it was the situation that bound them together, maybe it wasn’t.  
When they met for the first time, the world was still what it was before and they connected right away.   
That night, Daryl only left because he felt used; he was so insecure and it had been impossible for him to see himself as a person someone could fall for and maybe it still was, because he had never experienced love before.

“Let me love you..” Paul mumbled and snuggled up closer before he finally closed his eyes and drifted into a deep sleep.

 

 

***

 

 


	14. The sacrifices we are willing to make

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, because I won't have time during the week and next week end to update, I give you two chapters =) I guess yesterday's chapter wasn't so popular so I'll try to tone down the fluff from now on XD I hope you enjoy this chapter more and see you in two weeks, I guess =)

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 14***

 

 

 

 

 

It was the fifth day Daryl and Paul had spent in the little house, much longer than they had planned to, but walkers kept roaming through town and without a vehicle and Paul still recovering, they just didn’t want to take the risk.

“Let’s stay one more day. It is warm, we have food, we are safe here.” Paul had said the second day and Daryl had agreed.

“Why don’t we just wait it out? People will come back as soon as everything is dealt with. Or military will come and get us out.” Daryl had said the second day and Paul had agreed.

“We’re running out of food.” Paul had said this morning and Daryl knew it was time to leave their little nest.  
He was standing at the window and watched the surroundings, while Paul had made himself comfortable on the couch, wrapped into a blanket, reading a book.

“It’s not getting better.” Daryl said and grabbed his crossbow. “I’ll go out.”

Paul looked up from his book. “Don’t. You don’t stand a chance against all those walkers. I’m not letting you do that.”

“Then what? What should we do? Starve to death? There ain’t no military coming for us, don’t you get it?”

“We still have a bit left. It’s getting dark soon. Tomorrow we’ll figure something out, okay?”

“Fine..” Daryl growled, threw the crossbow back on the armchair and kicked it out of pure frustration.

“Hey.” Paul called and Daryl turned around. “What?”

“Come here,” he demanded softly and Daryl took a deep breath. The whole day he was walking up and down like a wild animal, trapped in a cage and Paul knew they had to do something, but for now he needed his friend to calm down.  
Daryl walked to the couch and Paul made a bit space for him, waiting for Daryl to make himself comfortable.  
Daryl rested his head on Paul’s chest and sighed. He could hear his lover’s heart beat and it calmed him. He closed his eyes and Paul started playing with the short hair in his neck.

“Haven’t you finished that book yesterday?” he asked and Paul nodded.

“Yeah.. I’m starting over.. Do you want me to read a bit to you?”

“Hmh..” Daryl agreed and Paul flipped the few pages back to the start and cleared his throat.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters." Paul started reading and Daryl huffed. “That sounds like a lot of crap.”

“It’s a classic.” Paul defended his choice of literature and Daryl murmured: “Whatever..”

“Should I stop?”

“Nah, keep reading. There ain’t nothing else to do here anyway..” he said, not willing to confess that he just liked hearing Paul’s voice.

Though the situation was fucked up and with time passing by they both realized that they weren’t at a safe place, but sitting in a cage, they never pissed each other off. Paul was the one who kept Daryl from doing something rushed and stupid. They had phases where they weren’t talking at all for hours, but they never felt uncomfortable around each other. Daryl wasn’t much of a talker anyway and Paul had a good sense for handling his different types of moods.  
They had also both agreed on not doing more than cuddling and kissing, out of respect for the family that was forced to leave this nice house that kept them safe and well fed for almost a week now. In the second night, they almost did it in the parent’s bed and it just didn’t feel right, but that didn’t mean they stopped being close to each other. As weird as it sounded, for Daryl it was the worst and happiest time of his life and it gave him a glimpse of how life could be with Paul. A simple life, shared with the one he loved and it felt damn good. Maybe one day, he would have a house on his own and he would ask Paul to live with him, because he couldn’t imagine sharing his life with anyone else.  
Daryl knew it was way too soon to tell him how he felt and he didn’t want to scare him away with rushed love confessions. As soon as they were in Atlanta, after he told Merle, when things were settled… then he would tell him.

“Maybe we should leave at night..” Paul suddenly said and put the book down.

“Hm?” Daryl looked up.

“In the dark… maybe we find a way to sneak out of town in the shadows.. when we’re quiet..”

“You think you can do that with your foot?” Daryl worried and Paul nodded. “Yes. It doesn’t hurt anymore,” he lied and smiled. He just had to make it to Atlanta and it wasn’t as bad as in the beginning anymore. Paul was sure he could make it; he had to.

“Okay. Let’s do it.” Daryl agreed and kissed Paul’s neck. “But first..keep reading a bit more.”

“Sure,” Paul smiled and picked the story up by the last sentence he read before. Daryl closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his chest moving up and down every time he took a breath, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, the soft sound of his voice… Yes, Daryl was about 110% certain, that he was in love with Paul Rovia.

***

The couple pulled up stakes around midnight, using the backyard to sneak away from the house unseen.  
Paul had left a note for the family, saying: _"Sorry for breaking into your nice home. It kept us safe and fed for about a week. We hope you are okay and as fortunate as we've been so far. Paul & Daryl."_  
Their plan was to stay away from the main street because most of the walkers were roaming around there, decoyed by the light of the street lamps.  
Now and then, they met one or two and quietly took them out with knifes and slowly but steady, they made it out of town.  
Paul knew Daryl would never had agreed to this way, if he had known his ankle wasn’t okay yet, but the pure will to reach their goal and finally be safe and get answers, gave him the strength to ignore the pain and just keep going.

Like having blinders on, they kept walking without a break, without letting anything distract them from reaching their destination. It was now or never.  
Sometimes, they saw helicopters heading into the same direction and it gave them hope. Maybe they brought other survivors to the safe zone. At least it was a sign, that something was waiting for them in Atlanta other than a deserted town, full of walkers.

The closer they came, the more Paul felt his ankle burning. His boot became tight around it and he knew it was swollen again, but he just had to hold on a little longer. They could already see the skyscrapers at the end of the road.

Daryl stopped, watching the helicopters hovering over the city, hearing gunshots in the distance.

“What’s wrong?” Paul asked.

“I don’t know, man.. does this look like safe to you?”

“I don’t know… Maybe they protect people inside?” Paul assumed but Daryl stayed suspicious about the situation.

“Look,” he said and pointed to the opposite road that led out of town. “All them cars were trying to get out of town. You see any going in? They should be here, make people walk the rest or something but the street is clear.”

“Still, there are people...there’s military, where else should we go now?” Paul asked, still out of breath and Daryl had to agree to that. “Right. Let’s give it a shot.”

They kept walking and while they came closer, Paul saw that the street was blocked in the distance, with tanks and armed soldiers. “See! There are people protecting the city!” he exclaimed and they walked faster, waving to the soldiers, but they gave signs for them to turn around.

“What the hell?” Daryl asked, still determined to get his answers and finally, they reached the blockade.

“Hey! What’s going on? Everyone said go to Atlanta, here we are now let us in!” Daryl demanded.

“The city gets cleared out, you have to go somewhere else,” the soldier replied and Paul frowned.

“What do you mean cleared out? Are you telling us they kill everyone who’s in there?”

“They evacuate everyone they find who’s still alive now and kill the infected. Atlanta was overrun about two days ago. The virus spreads like wildfire. The city is lost.”

“Evacuate to where?” Daryl asked but the soldier couldn’t give him an answer to that.

“Where should we go?” Paul asked but Daryl took his hand to drag him along. “Come on. Those fuckers ain’t gonna tell us shit,” he said and wanted to go back but Paul wasn’t moving.

“What’s wrong?” Daryl asked and Paul looked down.

“Daryl… I lied.. my ankle isn’t okay.. I don’t know if I can do one more step..” he confessed and Daryl sighed. “Silly..” he just said, gave Paul his backpack and got in position, so he could climb on his back.

“I’m sorry..” he mumbled, jumped on Daryl’s back and hugged him tightly. “It’s okay.. we’re gonna make it one way or another,” Daryl assured and kept walking.

“Daryl… I..” Paul wasn’t able to finish what he wanted to say because behind their backs, the soldiers started yelling and firing their guns.

Daryl turned around and saw a herd of walkers heading toward the blockade from inside. There were way too many for the few soldiers to handle; after they shot the first line, another wave just stepped over the corpses and there was no end to be seen.  
It didn’t take long until the walkers broke through the blockade.

“Fuck..” Daryl said and started to run. Paul dropped the backpack to take some weight off of Daryl’s back, but he knew he was exhausted anyway and carrying him slowed him down. He saw no chance how they should make it like this, but maybe Paul could distract the walkers to give Daryl time to escape, so he made a decision.

“Daryl.. promise me you will survive,” he said and took a shaky breath, “I love you..” 

Paul jumped off Daryl’s back and pushed him forward to make him keep running, no matter what, then he turned around to face the herd, with his knifes ready to fight.  
Daryl’s heart skipped a beat at the loss of weight and the words Paul just said. He turned around and saw his friend going down and walkers jump on him. The herd kept coming closer and Daryl could see nothing but walkers. Paul was gone and his mind went blank.

 

 

***

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part from the book Paul is reading is from "Pride and Prejudice" =)


	15. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!! I am so sorry I couldn't update earlier because I was so exhausted and fell asleep like around 6 pm every day during the week... It also became a rather short chapter, the next will be a bit longer and I hope comes sooner XD Have a great rest week-end <3

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 15***

 

 

 

 

 

The world stood still for a moment. Daryl was just standing there, staring at the herd of walkers that was coming closer.  
A little part of him waited for Paul to appear in between them and he was ready to grab his hand and pull him out, but though the reality was too surreal to make him feel anything, he knew Paul wouldn’t come back.  
Everything that happened felt like slow motion. He heard the sound of a motorbike, a dull voice calling him, yelling at him, dragging at him…  
He felt dizzy, his body felt numb, yet he somehow managed to get on his brother’s bike, that took him away from the place where he had just lost his whole world within the blink of an eye.

Daryl wasn’t looking back. He closed his eyes, pretending the wind in his face could blow the pain away, but with every bit he got farther from the spot he had left Paul behind, the more real it felt.  
He didn’t know how long they were driving, it felt like forever and like a split second all at once. When they stopped at a gas station, Daryl jumped off the bike and stumbled away, mumbling: “I need to take a piss.”  
When he was out of Merle’s sight, behind the building, he threw up and leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. He slowly slid to the ground, leaned his head back and closed his eyes, trying to keep his breathing under control but instead, he felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore at all and his eyes teared up.

“No..” Daryl whimpered and didn’t even try to fight back the tears because nothing mattered anymore, anyway. He would never see Paul again, never hear him laugh again, never be able to listen to his heartbeat or feel his body… He would never feel love again and the realization was tearing him apart from the inside. All his life he was living in hell, but nothing he had experienced before could be compared to the pain he felt now. The flame was dying and Daryl felt a part of him dying with it.

“I’m sorry, brother..”

Merle was suddenly standing there and Daryl looked up, his eyes swollen and red. There he was. The reason why Paul was gone.  
Daryl jumped up and grabbed Merle by his collar. “Shut your fuckin’ mouth!” he yelled and punched him hard in the face. “This is on you! Are you happy now??” Daryl pushed him and Merle stumbled a few steps backwards. “You wanted him dead, now get the fuck away from me and don’t you dare say you’re sorry!”

Merle spat blood and wiped over his mouth. “I didn’t want him dead.. just.. not with you,” he mumbled and Daryl was panting with rage. “But I saw what happened.. I saw what he did and believe it or don’t, I’m sorry. I know you liked that kid,” Merle added.

“No, you don’t get it..” Daryl growled and walked up and down, trying to hold himself back from beating the shit out of his brother.

“Yeah, I get it. You think I’m stupid? Hm? You think I didn’t see what was going on between you and him?”

“So now you’re okay with it? Now that he’s gone?”

“No? But does it matter now? Like you said. He’s gone.”

Daryl wiped over his eyes and started to walk in circles.

“I have to go back. See if he’s really gone. I mean.. may.. maybe he made it,” he stuttered and Merle rolled his eyes.

“Have you seen that herd? There was no ch...”

“SHUT UP!” Daryl yelled. “I have to! I have to see it with my own eyes.. I can’t just leave like that...”

“Damn..” Merle said, realizing how much his brother actually loved that guy. “Alright,” he shrugged, “But we wait until the road is free.”

“Fine.” Daryl agreed and kicked a stone. “What have you done there anyway?”

“Found a camp a few miles from Atlanta. They let me stay, saying the city was lost. I knew you were heading there so I was driving up and down that damn road everyday, waiting for your worthless ass to show up. What took you so long anyway?”

“Paul needed treatment.. His ankle was hurt and we were hiding in a town nearby. We ran out of food and he lied to me. I was on edge and he pretended he was fine and would make it.” Daryl felt himself tear up again and turned away.

“He saved your ass,” Merle said and Daryl snorted. “Like that makes me feel any better. I could’ve made it. Save us both.”

“Yeah, keep tellin’ you that, but he knew better.”

Daryl bit his lower lip and was lost in thoughts for a while, then he walked to the bike. “Let’s go.”

Merle sighed and followed him. He knew his brother wouldn’t argue about this and he knew it was a waste of time to make a big deal out of Daryl being into guys. He didn’t like it but it was no surprise for him either. Daryl was his blood and this was not the time to name and shame. Now all that mattered was to survive.

The brothers drove back to the place where Merle had picked up Daryl and by the time they got there, the herd was gone. Daryl jumped off the bike and looked around for a sign that Paul was really dead and gone and spotted a corpse in a pool of blood about at the spot where he had lost sight of Paul.  
Daryl’s heart skipped a beat and he hurried to get there, but it was just a dead walker, lying in his own guts.  
He looked around and saw no body parts, no clothes, no proof that his lover had died here.

Merle joined him but didn’t want to bring up the idea that his brother’s sweetheart could have been all eaten up by walkers, so he said nothing.  
“Here!” Daryl said and pointed at a trace of bloody footsteps, leading to the side of the road. He followed the trace that turned into a bit of a mess after a few meters and ended at the side, where it looked like someone had been lying there for while and then walked back to the middle of the road.  
Daryl frowned and picked up something out of the dirt, that looked familiar to him and he wasn’t wrong. He was holding his black bandana in his hands that, he thought, he had lost in the mountains.

“What is it?” Merle asked.

“This is mine. Paul must have had it.. Maybe he left it here to give me a sign?” Daryl wondered and his heart was beating faster.

“Or maybe it just dropped out of his pocket… I don’t like to tell you this but at the camp, people told me what happens to people who get bitten. They die, sooner or later and then they turn. Tell me, brother, do you really believe he made it out of that herd? Hundreds of walkers against one guy? Do you really wanna see him like that? Being like one of them?”

Daryl clenched his fist around the bandana and closed his eyes. What Merle said made sense. It was hard and it hurt like hell and he wasn’t the type who believed in miracles…  
If Paul was still alive after the attack, he could have tried to get to the side of the road and collapsed here… If he had died here and turned, he probably got up and walked away. It was impossible to make out the trace because there were so many footprints from every walker who stepped over the pool of blood, going straight down the road and faded at some point.

“You wanna keep looking?” Merle asked but Daryl shook his head. He wanted to keep Paul in his heart like he was. Beautiful, kind, smiling… 

“Swear that you won’t ever mention him again, you hear me?” Daryl mumbled, not looking at his brother and Merle nodded.

“I hear you.”

“Then take me to that camp.”

“You know, I was thinkin’ we could just hang out there for a while, then take what we need and move on,” Merle suggested and Daryl shrugged.

“Whatever..” he agreed quietly.

Daryl wanted to say no. He wanted to stand up against his brother, being the man he was deep inside and was brave enough to be with Paul by his side. He would survive, because that was what Paul had died for. So he could live and he would, but he wondered if Paul had even considered for a second that with his sacrifice, he took everything from him that was worth living for. Paul had left him and took his heart with him. Daryl owed him nothing.

 

 

***

 

 


	16. Time won't heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! As promised, an earlier update to make up for the little break X3 ...I hope you like this chapter and where it is going...probably ;D

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 16***

 

 

 

 

Paul woke up in a bed, not knowing where he was or how he got there. He felt clean but his body felt numb. Though he had no idea how long he had slept, he still felt tired, his eyelids heavy.  
The last thing he remembered was being with Daryl and then he wasn’t. He remembered killing a walker, he remembered darkness and pain… He remembered the smell of rotten flesh and guts all over him and he remembered that all he wanted was making it through. He wanted to survive and here he was. Wherever _here_ was..  
Paul fell asleep again.  
The next time he woke up, he looked into the friendly face of a woman.

“Welcome back..” she smiled and a man stepped into the room. “Is he awake?” he asked.

“Yes. See, I told you he’s fine, he just got hurt, not bitten!”

“We don’t know that yet!” The man argued back but looking at Paul, his features softened. “She couldn’t leave you behind, said you looked like a little Jesus and we would go to hell if we wouldn’t help you.”

Paul smiled weakly. “I’m sorry to tell you, we’re already in hell..” he mumbled and the man returned the smile.

“Where am I?” Paul asked and took the bottle of water, the woman offered him.

“In our trailer, dear. You don’t remember how you told us to turn around because Atlanta was lost?” she asked and Paul shook his head.

“Was there someone else? Have you seen another man, dead or alive…?” Paul asked and the woman looked a bit concerned.  
“There was one… on the street. One of the infected.. He looked terrible.”

“No, not the walker.. A guy, taller than me.. short, dark hair.. wearing a leather vest with wings..”

“Do you remember the guys on the motorbike who passed us a few miles before Atlanta? I think one of them was wearing something like that!” the man said and the woman shrugged. “I’m sorry, I didn’t look at them, I was driving.”

“That’s enough.” Paul said and blinked away a tear. “I don’t need to know more. I’m sure that was my friend and that means he made it, thank you,” he said and wanted to get up. “I need to find him. How far away are we?”

“You need to rest. We are four days away from Atlanta, trying to find a safe place,” the woman said and Paul looked a little lost. “Four days?” He dropped back on the mattress and closed his eyes, knowing that he was too weak and too far away to find Daryl any time soon. But maybe if he would find a safe place, then he could fully recover and start looking from there. He wouldn’t give up until he got his future boyfriend back.

“Thank you so much for your help. I would like to help you find that place in return. I’m a good fighter when I’m not half dead.” Paul smiled and the couple exchanged looks and nodded. 

“I’m Arthur, this is Helen.”

“Hi. I’m Jesus.”

 

***

 

_“You Are My Sunshine, my only sunshine, You make me happy when skies are gray...  
You'll never know dear, how much I love you...Please don't take my sunshine away… _

Daryl opened his eyes and a lazy smile flashed over his lips, hearing Paul sing to him.  
He felt his soft lips brushing his neck, his beard tickling his skin, light kisses being breathed along his jawline, making their way to his lips and he closed his eyes again, burying his fingers in Paul’s hair.  
How long had it been since they kissed? Daryl couldn’t remember, but he didn’t care because it felt so good.

“I missed you so much..” he mumbled against his lips and hugged him so tight, like his life depended on it.  
After a while, Daryl only shoved him away a little, to look at him. He wanted to get lost in his beautiful eyes again, but what he saw wasn’t what he expected to see.  
Paul’s face was rotten, his eyes empty, his skin falling off at parts and he growled at him, hungry, dead… gone.  
Daryl wasn’t fighting back. He just closed his eyes, but before the walker that once had been the love of his life dug his teeth into his flesh, Daryl jolted out of the nightmare, breathing heavily.

He needed a moment to realize where he was and dropped back onto his mattress, staring at the ceiling.  
He dashed away a tear, overwhelmed by how real this dream had felt. He could even smell Paul’s scent though he knew it was all just in his memory. Memories he had shoved as far away as possible, locked up into a box somewhere in his mind, not ever daring to open it. But as much as he had tried over the time, it had been almost two years now, he had never been able to ignore completely, that there had been a guy named Paul in his life, a guy he loved more than anything.

Along the way, Daryl had met more good people. People who loved him, people who became family and he had found bits of Paul in a few of them. There was Rick, who accepted him just the way he was. There was Glenn, who was always kind and would do everything to protect the one’s he loved. There had been Beth, who showed him that good people still existed and that it didn’t matter who he once was, but who he was now. There was Carol, who was like a mirror for him, a soul mate in some way. There were more, more people who trusted him, people who relied on him, people he loved… But there was no one like Paul. No one he loved like he was in love with him and the hole he had left inside of him was still there and he knew, it would never be filled.

People said time would heal all wounds, but Daryl wasn’t healing, just dealing with it somehow.  
The most effective way was being angry. Daryl was angry that Paul had left him, like he once had been left alone by Alex. Just like that. He had taken away the love he gave him and that was something Daryl wasn’t willing to forgive.

“Asshole..” he mumbled and blinked away another tear. He had never fully given up on the thought that Paul still might be alive, but if… he must have crossed his path somewhere along the way by now, right? Maybe he got away… Maybe Daryl should have kept looking… 

He shook his head and rolled out of bed, trying to find something to distract himself from unpleasant memories and decided to go look for Rick.  
He found his friend in front of his house and greeted him with a nod.  
Rick looked up and frowned. “Hey, you look like crap today,” he greeted and Daryl shrugged.  
“Are you alright?” Rick asked and Daryl looked down. He didn’t want to talk about it and Rick understood.  
“Hey, I thought about going on a supply run… Wanna join me?” he asked and Daryl looked up again. “Sounds good,” he said and Rick smiled. “Get the car ready! I’ll join you in about 30 minutes.” Rick said and walked back inside.  
Daryl huffed softly and did what the leader of his group said, being glad that his friend knew him good enough to know when he wanted to talk and when he didn’t. Spending a day outside of Alexandria would hopefully keep his mind distracted until he made it back to his usual strength to ignore.

About an hour later, Rick and Daryl were on the road, but Daryl still couldn’t get his mind off of Paul.  
Maybe it was time to just talk about it. Maybe he would feel better when he would share with someone he trusted, how he was still suffering from the loss. The only one who ever knew about Paul was Merle and he was gone too…

“What is it?” Rick asked, noticing that Daryl was biting his fingernails for a while now.

“Hm? Nothing..” Daryl replied and Rick rolled his eyes. “Okay..”

There was an awkward silence between them for a while, then Daryl decided to give it a try.

“Actually...”

“Yeah?” Rick asked and gave him a quick look.

“I had a dream. About someone I met back when this all started. We made it through together for a while.. Until he betrayed me, you know..”

“What happened to him?” Rick asked and Daryl shrugged, studying his hands. “Dead.” 

“You two were close?”

“Kinda..” Daryl said and felt the sadness taking over his anger and he didn’t want to let that happen.

“I’m sor..”

“Don’t. Forget what I said. Thought talking ‘bout it would help. I was wrong.”

“You can talk to me.”

“I know. It just...hurts..”

Rick nodded and decided to leave it at that. He had seen Daryl sad before, angry, hurt.. But he never saw him as vulnerable and broken as he looked in this moment and he was wondering what this guy did to him, that he still couldn’t get over it. Whatever it was, he wouldn’t force his friend to tell him, but he would try everything to take his mind off it and thought music would be a great idea. Rick ignored Daryl’s protest when he picked a random CD and turned up the volume. Somehow he felt that this day would be a good day.

 

 

***

 


	17. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~
> 
> First shout out to everyone who left a comment on the previous, it really means the world to me :'3 I hope you have fun with this chapter as well and I wish you all happy Easter and a nice rest week-end/holiday =D <3

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 17***

 

 

 

 

 

“Soda and candy, why the trouble?” Rick asked after Daryl made huge efforts to get to a snack machine. “It wasn’t any trouble..” Daryl replied, as suddenly, Rick got tackled by a stranger, making both pull out their guns immediately.

The stranger stopped, turned around with his hands up in defense.

“Hi..” he said and his eyes moved from Rick to Daryl, then he lowered his arms.

Daryl couldn’t see his face because it was mummed and only saw a threat in the guy in front of him.

“BACK UP!” he yelled, still pointing the gun at the stranger, then their eyes met and Daryl hold his breath without even noticing. That was impossible…

“Daryl?” the stranger with the too familiar eyes exposed his face, breathing heavily, while Daryl was still frozen.

“Daryl...” Paul said again, his eyes staring at him in disbelief. Too long had he been looking for his friend, too long without success to believe that the guy with the leather vest, he had just seen from behind until now, could really be his Daryl. His hair was too long, his muscles too defined, the wings on the vest too dirty. Now that he could see his face, there was no doubt. He found Daryl, but he looked so different.. The way he looked at him was different.

He took a step up to him, but Daryl stepped back, lowering the gun in his shaky hand. Paul took a shaky breath and slouched his shoulders, not knowing what to say, but Daryl broke the silence anyway.

“You son of a bitch..” he snarled and clenched his hands, but before he was able to make a move, a noise took his attention elsewhere, sounding like something was exploding around the corner; or even gunshots.  
Out of reflex, Rick and Daryl rushed to the source of the noise, but it was just a trash can on fire.

“Firecrackers...” Rick said and they exchanged an irritated look.

“He swiped your keys, didn’t he?” Daryl asked and Rick’s eyes widened. “Shit..”

The friends rushed back to the front of the store, but all they could do was watching the truck driving away, while Daryl’s backpack flew out of the window.

“What the hell… you knew that guy?” Rick asked, breathing heavily.

“That was him..” Daryl mumbled and started running. He had no idea what to do with Paul, all he knew was that he wouldn’t let him get away just like that.

“Him? Wait!” Rick called after Daryl and started running as well, picking up the backpack when he passed it.

Daryl kept running until his lack of breath forced him to pause and Rick caught up, equally out of breath.

“I need… details..” Rick gasped.

“I just want that damn truck back..” Daryl lied and Rick wasn’t buying it.  
“You said that was him like in _him_ , the guy you were talking about before.”

“So?”

“Would you please tell me what’s going on?”

“That asshole is alive, that’s going on,” Daryl said and kept running.

“Yeah, I figured that much...what..wait!”

They kept running and after a while, spotted the truck with Paul fixing a wheel.

“What now?” Rick asked.

“We get the truck back.” Daryl decided.

“That’s all?”

“Maybe I punch his stupid face...”

“For being alive?”

“For what he did to me and still being alive after all.”

“Maybe we should try to find out where he lives and see if there’s more people. He looks clean, I doubt he’s on his own.”

“He’s fine on his own.” Daryl mumbled and fought back the urge to run to Paul and hug the hell out of him. Losing him had been the worst experience Daryl had ever made. The worst pain he ever felt and it still hurt. It hurt to know that Paul did that on purpose. That he wasn’t even trying to make it together. He just gave up and left Daryl with his heart shattered into pieces and the fact that _he_ hadn’t been able to save him. Now he was running from him and that didn’t make it any better. Daryl was doing so much better with not having this kind of feelings for anyone or at least for no living person he had to worry about and now Paul was alive and well and Daryl was fuming with rage for being trapped in this kind of emotional mess.

“He’s done. Let’s go get him.” Rick said and they both took a different way to have Paul trapped. He was dying to know what actually happened to make Daryl acting that extremely, but in the end he would just have his back, dealing with this his way. He was sneaking around the truck and grabbed Daryl’s guy from behind, tightening his grip and murmured: “Hold still and maybe we won’t hurt you.”

“Sure thing..” Paul replied and used it for his advantage, that Daryl’s friend obviously underestimated him. He punched his ribs with his elbows, his face with the back of his head and turned around fast to kick his guts, making rick jump and fall on the ground.  
Paul rushed around and there was Daryl waiting, but he dodged the attack easily and threw his lost lover against the truck.  
Before he was able to do something else, Rick tackled him to the ground and both pointed their guns on him.

“Seriously?” Paul asked out of breath and looked at Daryl.

“Why did you run?” Daryl asked dryly and Paul rolled his eyes.

“You looked angry..and I panicked.”

“You bet I am.”

“And now you wanna shoot me?”

Daryl huffed and lowered the gun. Rick did the same, looking from his friend to the stranger and back, trying to follow somehow.  
Paul relaxed a bit but didn’t take his eyes off of Daryl.

“What now?”

“Give us the keys back. Now!” Rick demanded and continued threatening Paul with the his gun.

“Do you even have any ammo?” Paul asked and just in that moment, a walker came around, giving Rick and Daryl the chance to make a point.

“Okay..” Paul said and sighed. “Come on, you know I’m not a bad guy..” 

“What do you know about us?” Rick growled.

“Nothing about you but.. I know Daryl. Still better than anyone else, I guess?” His pale, teal blue eyes were piercing right through him and it made Daryl even more angry, because he was right.

“Give him the keys.” he said and Paul reluctantly did what he was told.  
Rick tied him up on the middle of the street and Paul couldn’t help but finding this amusing, but with a bitter taste because he had imagined his potential reunion with Daryl a bit differently.  
But still, he knew Daryl better than anyone else, so he just decided to play along. He couldn’t be angry forever, right?

“You gonna leave me here like this.. You really gonna do that?” Paul asked and Rick replied: “The knots aren’t that tight. You should be able to get free.. After we’re long gone.”

Paul had to use all strength to not burst out into loud laughter because he already knew he would be free within seconds and the seriousness of this guy was almost cute.

“Daryl… Can we talk now?” he started a last try and looked over to his friend, who was sorting out the damaged soda cans.

“No.” Daryl snapped and shook one can extra heavy. “Here...in case you get thirsty.” With that said he threw the can in front of Paul’s feet and turned around. Paul snorted with laughter and chuckled, while the other two climbed into the truck. He was already on the roof, when he heard Daryl yell: “So long, you prick!”

“Sweet..” Paul mumbled to himself and sighed. He was curious where they would take him, because he was always looking for other communities to unite with. He also was beyond happy, that he finally found Daryl. He had never given up on that, though it still felt surreal. The whole time, his heart was racing. He just wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him until he would lose his senses, but there was this other guy and Paul had no idea what his relation to Daryl was. Did he ever come out to him? Could he be his new lover? Paul shook his head and shoved that thought miles away.

A lot of time had passed and he was okay with not getting a warm ‘welcome back into my life’ or Daryl being pissed for weeks if he had to, but Daryl with someone else? That was something Paul didn’t even want to imagine. 

“You think that was the right decision? Leaving him there?” Rick asked while Daryl was focused on stuffing chocolate into his mouth.

“Daryl?”

“Hmh..”

“How close have you guys been again?”

Daryl didn’t answer.

“Should I turn around?”

“Nah. If he wants to, he’ll find me..”

“And then?”

“Then I’ll punch his stupid face.”

“And then?”

“Haven’t thought that far, yet..”

“What’s his name?”

“Paul… My brother used to call him _Jesus_..”

“Wait..Merle knew him as well?”

“Hmh..” 

“Don’t you wanna tell me what happened?”

“Don’t matter. He ain’t dead so that’s the end of the story.”

“Is it?”

“Maybe..”

Rick huffed and drove off the street when he spotted a little farm. They crossed a field and Daryl turned the volume of the music down.  
“Did you hear that?” He asked and Rick looked at him and when the truck bumped over the uneven ground, there was the dull sound above them again.  
“That son of a bitch is on the roof!” Daryl exclaimed. Rick frowned and hit the break so sudden, that Paul fell off the truck in front of them like a bird that got shot in the sky.  
Paul got up and stared at them for a moment, then he started running. Rick hit the gas and Daryl opened the door.

“I got him,” he assured angrily, jumped out of the truck and started chasing him over the fields.

Rick watched them, while trying to cut Paul’s way, then it suddenly hit him.

“Damn…” he shook his head and laughed. “You love him.”

 

 

***

 

 


	18. Love don't die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!! I planned to save this chapter to update some time in the middle of the week but decided to give it to you now because Happy Easter and stuff =)  
> I hope you enjoy <3

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 18***

 

 

 

 

 

Paul had absolutely no idea why he was running from Daryl, but he did and was secretly enjoying it a little, seeing how he slowly got out of breath. “Told ya to quit smoking!” he yelled and grinned. “Shut up, asshole!” Daryl yelled back and Paul laughed. He saw Rick leaving the truck to get rid of a bunch of walkers and took the chance to jump in, but before he could do anything, Daryl was in as well, pulling at his legs.

“Oh, come on, why can’t we just talk? I really don’t wanna hurt you...” Paul gasped, while he was clinging to the seat.

“It’s a little late for that, don’t ya think? I’m done talkin’!” Daryl growled. 

“If you wanna get me out of my pants, just say it!” Paul offered more or less seriously and snitched the gun, Daryl was carrying and pointed it at him, causing him to freeze.

“Duck!” he ordered and Daryl did, giving Paul the space to shoot the walker behind him.

“Thanks… MY GUN!” Daryl snarled through gritted teeth, ripped the gun out of Paul’s hand and punched him hard.

Paul groaned and tried to get up.  
“What the hell was that for? For saving you...again?”

In that moment, all anger vanished from Daryl’s face and he looked like he was falling apart.  
“Don’t you get it?” he asked, breathing heavily.

“What? That I finally found you and all I get is this? No, I’m sorry, I don’t get it.” Paul said out of breath and Daryl’s eyes teared up.

“You left me. Just like Alex left you and you really don’t get it..”

“Wait… That is totally different..” Paul said but Daryl shook his head.

“You...You had no right to make that decision on your own. You didn’t even give me the chance to tell you I love you..” Daryl’s voice cracked and tears were running down his cheeks and now Paul slowly realized what he had done. He never thought Daryl would see it this way because back then, he saw it as the only way.

He blinked away a tear and whispered: “Forgive me..”  
Paul took Daryl’s face in his hands and Daryl closed his eyes the moment he felt his lover’s lips on his, but he allowed himself to enjoy the kiss only for a split second, then he pushed Paul away.

Paul stared at Daryl and didn’t even realize, that he had landed on the hand break until the truck started rolling on his own.  
“Shit.” Daryl mumbled and hurried to get out, followed by Paul, who got knocked out by the open door, when the truck rolled by and straight into the lake.

Rick was by Daryl’s side now and together, they watched the truck drown.

“You okay?” Rick asked and Daryl looked at Paul, who was unconscious.

“No..” he said and grabbed Paul’s wrists to drag him along. Rick sighed and followed Daryl to the cars.  
Rick picked one for their way back and Daryl placed Paul in the middle of the backseat and took the seat next to him. He couldn’t even look at Paul and decided to look out of the window instead, when Rick started the motor to head back to Alexandria.

“You know..” Rick started after a while, “You should be happy, that your boyfriend is alive.”

“He ain’t my boyfriend.”

“Really?” Rick asked and swerved to make Paul drop against Daryl’s shoulder, watching them through the mirror with a smirk.

Daryl pushed him back with his elbow and shot Rick an angry look.

“Come on. If it’s because he’s a guy, I really couldn’t care less.”

“Nah.. I give a shit what people think.. But we weren’t together..like..officially.”

“Hello, high school-you.” Rick scoffed, earning another deadly glance from Daryl for that.

“Why?” he asked more softly and Daryl shrugged. “Reasons..”

“Let me tell you something. Finding love in this goddamn hell we live in is a gift. Don’t throw it away for _reasons_ ,” he aped and made Paul drop against him again. This time, Daryl pushed him back harder, making him fall over and looked at his lost love. Paul looked like he was asleep and it reminded him of the time they spent in that little house, where he had often watched him sleeping because he just couldn’t take his eyes off him.  
Seeing him right there, alive and well, still so beautiful.. It felt unreal and scared the shit out of him.  
What if he would let this light back in his life and someone would choke the fire once more and forever. Daryl wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to go through that pain again.

“You look sweet together.” Rick winked and Daryl snorted. “Yeah, we were sickeningly sweet together. You don’t wanna witness that,” he said sarcastically and Rick gave that a laugh.  
“Oh yeah, I do.”

A smile flashed over Daryl’s lips and his eyes rested on Paul. Right now, he wasn’t sure if he was brave enough to give this another shot, but Paul was alive and that was a miracle.

“But I can see that you’re sickeningly in love.”

“Pff..”  
Rick smiled. “I knew this would be a good day.”

“I saw him die..” Daryl said quietly and Rick looked at him through the mirror.  
“Right in front of me. We were heading to Atlanta because it was supposed to be a safe zone, where we would get answers. Paul had hurt his ankle, it was Merle’s fault. He wasn’t with us at that time. Paul had pretended he was okay enough to make it and when we reached the city, it was already lost. He couldn’t walk anymore and a herd of walkers was heading towards us. I was exhausted as hell, carried him, trying to get away but I was too slow. He jumped into the herd, so I would make it. He decided to die for me because I was too impatient. Because I was too slow. Merle picked me up before it was too late for me, too. But Paul… he was just gone and I had to live with it. That I couldn’t save him. That I lost the only person I ever loved that way and couldn’t even tell him. That is what happened.”

“I didn’t decide to die because you were too impatient or slow,” Paul suddenly said and Daryl’s heart skipped a beat because he hadn’t expected him to be awake.  
“I saw no other way to save at least one of us. You saved me before.. it was my turn. I didn’t jump because I wanted to die but because I wanted you to live,” he smiled weakly at Daryl.

“Obviously, there was another way or you wouldn’t be here, right?” Daryl snapped and Paul rolled his eyes.  
“Because I was lucky. I slit open the walker who attacked me first. His guts spilled all over me and the rest just kept walking. I couldn’t breathe… The walkers kept trampling over me and I just waited it out somehow. I was more dead than alive when they were gone.. I woke up in a trailer, four days away from Atlanta, saved by I nice couple. I still needed to recover and together we found the place where I live now. But I was more outside, looking for other communities than anything else.. Always hoping I would find you.”

“Congratulations. You found me,” Daryl mumbled and turned away, looking out of the window again.

Paul sighed and sat up straight, rubbing his forehead.

“You alright?” Rick asked and Paul nodded. “Yeah. Thanks for asking.”

“You said other communities.. You live with a larger group?”

“Yeah. That’s actually a thing I would like to talk about. You have a camp?”

“Better.” Rick smiled and Paul tilted his head, looking at him curiously. “We’ll show you. Ignore your boyfriend, he’ll get over it.”

Daryl looked at Rick like he couldn’t believe what he just said. “Could you not?” he asked and Rick grinned.

“We’re not boyfriends, just friends with benefits,” Paul clarified and Rick laughed. “And this just gets better and better.”

“Would you shut up?” Daryl snapped at Paul, but he just shrugged. “What? That was the deal, wasn’t it? Deal with it.”

“I changed my mind. Let's just throw him out.” Daryl said but Rick shook his head. “Hell no!”

“The other deal was that we would make it together. But your word is obviously not worth much.” Daryl crossed his arms in front of his chest. He noticed that Paul looked actually hurt by his words and regretted it a bit, saying that, but not enough to take it back.

“That’s not fair. If I hadn’t done that, we’d both be dead now.”

“Maybe… Maybe not. You’re here, so chances weren’t that bad after all.”

“You would have done the same for me.”

“So?”

“So then it’s okay?”

Daryl had no answer to that and hated that Paul was right again.

“Can I say something?” Rick asked and Daryl and Paul both answered at the same time:

“No!”  
“Yes!”

“You both love each other so much, you would die for each other, where’s your fucking problem?”

“Ask him, I don’t have a problem,” Paul bitched, crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked out of the window.

Daryl said nothing and did the same on his side.

Rick decided to leave it at that for now, before they would start killing each other and got back to the other topic.

“I’m Rick, by the way. I think I haven’t introduced myself, yet.”

“Hi. I’m Jesus,” Paul said and Daryl looked at him like he was out of his mind.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?”

“What? That’s what people keep calling me.”

Daryl turned his head to the window again and huffed.  
“I ain’t calling you Jesus.”

 

 

***

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short personal note.. yesterday I rewatched an episode of TWD while my head was still busy with this fanfic and noticed one scene...where Glenn says to Daryl "We will make it together" and then Daryl leaves the group for a moment to cry on his own... I couldn't help but think how it could have happened exactly like that in my story-verse with Daryl remembering how he and Paul had promised each other to make it together but they didn't... ='( If you have nothing better to do (..what I bet you have :'D) you can look it up in s5e10 "Them" <3


	19. Heart still beating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~  
> I'm sorry for not updating last week, I will always post on tumblr if a delay happens or sth but now I am back and this took so long for different reasons, one of them was that I had about 3~4 different scenarios in my head how this chapter would go, all with the same end result but I wasn't sure which way would be right and the best and I thought about it a lot, but I think I am satisfied with this one now, it felt most authentic to me.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and hopefully see you next week =3

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 19***

 

 

 

 

 

“This is Alexandria. Our home,” Rick said, when they got out of the car. It was dark already and everyone looked a bit exhausted. “But I think we should all get some rest and have a meeting tomorrow with everyone and then you can tell us about your community,” he added and looked at Daryl.  
“Will you give Jesus a place to stay or do you wanna pout a little longer?”

Daryl just turned around and walked away.

Paul looked after him longingly and with a moony smile on his lips. He only looked away because he felt Rick’s hand on his shoulder.

“Please… don’t give up on him,” Rick begged and Paul smiled. “No chance,” he assured and Rick returned the smile.

“You know.. he never showed interest in anyone.. Now I know why. I don’t think he’s mad at you but can’t forgive himself.. He’s good at that shit.”

“Thanks for letting me know.”

“Hey. If there’s a chance that he finds happiness, count me in.”

“I’m glad that he found such a good friend,” Paul said and looked around. “And this looks like a good place..”

“It is. We’re good people here, if people are good to us.”

Paul nodded and smiled. He understood well what that meant and he liked it. He also liked Rick.

“Since Daryl keeps being a baby, I could offer you my couch,” Rick suggested but Paul shook his head.  
“I’m fine. I’ll go talk to him.”

“Good luck!” Rick said and Paul laughed. “It’s not our first fight and not even the worst...I hope. Good night,” he waved and turned around, heading into the direction Daryl went before.  
He saw him vanishing in a house and followed him without hesitation. The door wasn’t locked, so he just entered the house and closed the door behind him. Daryl was standing there, in the dark, not moving.

“Hey..” Paul said softly, but Daryl didn’t react.

“Daryl.. look.. I know I disappointed you.. You wanted to keep me safe and I took that from you. I acted out of instinct. I know it’s difficult with both of us having this protective instinct but please know that I never wanted to hurt you..”

Daryl turned around and stumbled into Paul’s arms, convulsively sobbing, while he was clinging to him as if his life was at stake. Paul wrapped his arms around Daryl tightly and buried his face in the crook of his neck.

“I’m so sorry..” he mumbled over and over, “Please forgive me..”

Daryl pushed him away a little and nodded. He let his head hang and his hair was covering his face, but Paul cupped his face with both hands, wiped the tears away with his thumbs and kissed him. Daryl’s lips tasted salty from the tears and his whole body was trembling. Paul always knew that Daryl loved him, even without ever hearing the words said out loud, but realizing how much he must have suffered from his loss broke his heart. He believed back then, Daryl thought he wasn’t good enough but he was so wrong. He knew it before, but knowing now that Daryl had never even looked at another person though he thought he was dead, Paul wasn’t sure anymore if he even deserved him a bit. But this time, he would make it right. He would never let anything get between him and this man again.

“I love you..” Daryl whispered, his voice thin and broken. 

“I know you do.. I always knew..” Paul assured and stroke a few strains of hair out of Daryl’s face. “You have no idea how much I missed you..” he mumbled and Daryl sniffed.  
“Yeah I do.”

Paul smiled but Daryl wasn’t returning the smile. 

“Hey… I need a place to sleep tonight.. You think I can stay here?” Paul asked carefully and Daryl thought about it for a moment but then answered with a short nod.

“Maybe we should rest now and… talk tomorrow?”

Daryl shrugged, walked a few steps through the room and lit a candle.  
In the flickering light, Paul looked even more unreal. Daryl watched him taking off his gloves and beanie, then his leather coat. He took off his gear and vest and put everything on the table.  
Somehow he looked like a complete different person, but hadn’t changed at all at the same time.  
His hair was a bit longer and he looked even more beautiful than Daryl remembered him…

“I like your hair..” Paul said quietly and Daryl dropped his gaze. “Forgot to cut them..I guess..” he mumbled and Paul walked up to him, letting his fingers run through his hair. “Don’t cut it.. I really like it..”  
Daryl couldn’t stand Paul’s bright eyes and how they didn’t stop looking over him while his hand gently caressed his face, so he closed his eyes and snuggled his cheek against his palm.  
The way Paul loved him was the best thing that ever happened to him and he thought it was lost forever and now he was here.. and he still loved him..

Paul was right there in front of him and still, it felt so unreal.. like one of those dreams and Daryl would wake up and be alone again.  
He was about to pull back his hand, but Daryl hold it in place.

“Don’t..” he mumbled and kissed Paul’s hand, “Don’t stop touching me..”

“I won’t..” Paul assured, wrapped his arms around Daryl’s waist and leaned against him. He closed his eyes and just hold him for a little while before he asked: “Show me your bedroom?”

“It’s just.. a mattress in a room.. Didn’t find the time to make myself at home, yet..”

“I live in a trailer. I’m almost never there so.. I think I get it,” Paul said and sighed. He didn’t want to tell Daryl how he never really felt _home_ where he lived. Right now, he felt like being in the right place and it didn’t matter if it was here or in his trailer or in a tent in the middle of the mountains. Daryl was home.

“Come on,” Daryl said and pulled Paul along to his bedroom. He was used to sleep fully dressed because though he lived behind walls here, he was always on edge, always ready to fight whatever was coming, so he just dropped on the mattress and waited for Paul to join him.  
Paul laid down next to him and Daryl rested his head on his chest. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes the moment he heard his heart beat.

“You’re alive..” he mumbled and Paul smiled. “I am..” he said and started playing with Daryl’s hair.

“Where’s your brother?” Paul asked quietly.

“Dead… Don’t ask..” Daryl replied and Paul nodded. “Okay.. I’m sorry..”

“Hmh..”

He felt Daryl’s tense muscles relax and knew he was about to fall asleep and it gave him time to realize what had happened today. After all this time, he was reunited with his love and he was alive and well and looked so damn good.  
When he met Daryl for the first time, it felt surreal… This tough guy, who looked like nothing but trouble and turned out to be actually really sweet and everything was so perfect before he suddenly left..  
Then they met again just in time to say hello to a world Paul would never had thought he’d be able to exist in, but Daryl was born for that world. Maybe Paul was, too. They both haven’t been actually useful in the old world, so maybe they were meant to be together and be good in this one. At least that was what Paul wanted to believe in and now, he could finally start to think about building a home.

 

***

 

Daryl woke up in the middle of the night and was sitting up straight within seconds, after he realized that he was alone.  
He jumped up and rushed into the living room, but no clothes were lying on the table and Daryl started to panic.  
Had this all been a dream again? But it couldn’t be…  
Daryl tried to keep his breathing under control and right before he lost it, he heard the toilet flush, the water running and he hurried to the bathroom.  
The moment he got there, the door opened and Paul was standing there, fully dressed and looking surprised to see Daryl.

“Hey, did I wake you up?” he asked softly, “Is everything okay?”

Daryl took a few steps back and shook his head. “No. Nothing’s okay.. You were gone.. your clothes were gone, I thought..”

“Daryl… I won’t go anywhere.. Well, I was about to now, but only because I couldn’t sleep and was curious and wanted to check out the place a bit.. I didn’t want to wake you..” Paul explained but it didn’t matter. Daryl knew Paul wouldn’t just sneak away from him and that wasn’t the point.

“I can’t do this.” Daryl said and Paul frowned. “Can’t do what?”

“This.. us. I can’t go through this again..” 

“Wait..what are you talking about?” Paul asked and Daryl couldn’t stand the way he looked at him right now, like the whole world was crumbling around him.

“Daryl, look at me!” he demanded and grabbed his shoulders, but Daryl shook him off and stepped back further.

“I’m sorry.. I can’t lose you again.”

“So you choose to not have me at all?”

Daryl shrugged, studying his feet.

“Don’t do this.. Don’t throw us away just like that.”

“We’ve never been together so I ain’t throwing away anything.”

“Do you realize how stupid you sound? You’re afraid and that is okay, just let us go through this together. I love you and I wanna be with you more than anything else.”

“Maybe it’s okay to be afraid.. but it ain’t okay to be weak. Not in this world.”

“You’re having a weak moment and that is okay, too…”

Daryl shook his head. “I think.. I’m just better on my own. Maybe you are, too.”

Paul let out a sarcastic snort. “You think? You know I won’t just vanish from your life now, right?”

“I know.”

“So you choose to be unhappy right from the start, while we could have each other, instead of risking that we possibly won’t have each other again some day and just be happy until then?” Paul asked, not able to keep his voice from shaking and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“I can’t use a weak point.” Daryl said, knowing that it would hurt Paul and he was right.

“If you think I’ll be your weak point, you have no idea who I actually am,” he said dryly and walked out of the room, heading to the door because he just couldn’t stand it any longer.

Daryl heard the door slam shut but didn’t go after him. “I know who you are.. That’s why I can’t..” he mumbled to himself and blinked away a tear. “I’m sorry..”

 

 

***

 

 


	20. Even

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~~~
> 
> I know I am late again, so sorry for that but I had to finish a fanart at the weekend and just couldn't manage to do both X3 I hope this slightly longer chapter makes it up a bit =)  
> Hope you enjoy, leave me a comment if you like and I'll go to bed now. Good night <3

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 20***

 

 

 

 

 

Paul leaned against the door, closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep himself from bursting into tears. He clenched his fists and bumped them against the door, then he walked straight to Rick’s house, entered without even thinking about, if it was okay or not and started looking for him. He found Daryl’s friend in the bedroom, naked with a woman, both deep asleep.

“Rick...” Paul whispered, but nothing happened. “Rick!” he whispered a bit louder and within seconds, both the woman and Rick were out of bed, grabbed their weapons and were ready to fight, which was kind of impressing, Paul thought.

“Jesus… what the..” Rick mumbled sleepily and Paul raised his arms in defense. “We need to talk.”  
“What...now?” Rick asked and lowered the gun.

“Who’s that? You know him?” Michonne asked and Rick nodded. “That’s Jesus. Daryl’s..” he saw Paul shaking his head slowly and finished with: “..old..friend. And I think we need to talk indeed.”

Paul nodded. “I wait outside. Sorry for interrupting your sleep.”

“Daryl’s friend?” Michonne asked, while she started to get dressed and Rick nodded again. “Yeah. We kinda stumbled over him today and ...it’s a long story, it seems like they have some unresolved issues but nothing we should worry about. You can go back to sleep, I got this,” he assured and gave his now girlfriend a kiss.

“But tomorrow we need to talk about Daryl’s… whatever that was..” Michonne said with a mix of sleepiness and anger in her voice, but probably mostly because she had to jump out of bed naked in the middle of the night to see a stranger in the bedroom, she wasn’t even allowed to kill because he didn’t seem to be an enemy.

“Sure,” Rick promised and slipped into his pants before he left the bedroom, finding Jesus sitting on the stairs, looking at a painting.

“You like that one?” Rick asked and Paul shook his head with a sad smile on his lips. “Just thinking of times when stuff like this mattered..”

“Good old times..” Rick said and settled down next to him. “What happened?”

“Guess I need a couch to sleep tonight.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Yeah I know.. Daryl dumped me..”

“I thought you weren’t together?” Rick asked with a smile and Paul huffed. “For whatever reason.. Why am I always picking the guys who prefer to be unhappy or dead instead of being happy with me?”

“I can guarantee you, Daryl wouldn’t rather be dead. He has a pretty strong will to survive.”

“Yeah, I was talking about someone else..”

“Oh.. Well.. Maybe you should give him some time.. Maybe he’s just confused now.”

“He seemed pretty clear about his decision to me.. Also I really don’t wanna bother you with that..just.. please tell no one about us.”

“Oh please, bother me. Daryl having an actual love life is one of the most exciting news I’ve heard in months.”

“Just that he hasn’t because he is allergic to being happy,” Paul said and Rick bumped him with his shoulder lightly. “He’s just not used to it. I don’t know you a bit but I think he needs someone like you, from what I can tell.. You seem to be quite the opposite.”

Paul let out a suppressed laugh. “You care a lot about him, don’t you?”  
“I do. He’s my brother. I could see that he’s in love with you. Never seen him that pissed for no reason because of anyone before.”

“Yeah.. great. Pissing off the one I love is just my thing, I guess..” Paul said and sounded more frustrated than planned.

“Should I talk to him? I’ll do it. I’ll kick his stupid ass right to your doorstep!” Rick promised and it made Paul smile, how enthusiastic he was. It proved that Daryl had found really great people who actually cared about him and that was good.

“Thanks. I’m afraid we have to solve this on our own...somehow. I think I’ll just.. give him some time. I can be very patient and he should not underestimate my stamina.”

“I have so many questions right now,” Rick said more to himself and Paul laughed. “Whatever it is.. ask him.”

“Yeah..he’s not much of a talker.. You seem pretty chatty so I thought..”

“Nope.”

“Okay..” Rick said and was a bit frustrated about getting no information about Daryl’s love life at all, except that he kinda seemed to had one once with this guy sitting next to him.

“I’ll try to get some sleep now, if you don’t mind.” Paul said and Rick nodded.

“Sure. We’ll talk in the morning,” he replied and patted Paul’s shoulder before he got up and back into his bedroom.

“Good night!” Paul said and decided to keep sitting on the stairs a bit longer before he snuck out of the house again to check out the place.

Michonne was still awake and looking at Rick with questioning eyes.

“He just needed a place to sleep.” Rick explained and Michonne frowned. “If he’s Daryl’s friend, why isn’t he staying with him?”

“Daryl threw him out.” Rick said and dropped on the mattress, knowing that it probably wasn’t enough information and he was right.

“I don’t like having a stranger in the house and just because he was friends with Daryl once doesn’t mean we can trust him now. Do you even know where he comes from?”

“No, but he’ll tell us tomorrow.”

“Fine and until then he could kill us all in our sleeps.”

Michonne got a point there, Rick thought, but until now he had been too excited about the fact that he found Daryl’s boyfriend today, that he didn’t even consider that Jesus could be in fact, a dangerous person. Maybe he had been good when the apocalypse started but who knew with what kind of people he lived now. He had tricked them to steal the truck in the first place.

“Okay. I go check on him,” Rick said and got up again. After about five minutes, he returned to the bedroom.

“What’s wrong?” Michonne asked because of the look on Rick’s face. He scratched his head and mumbled: “Yeah..uhm.. he’s gone.”

Meanwhile, Daryl was stepping out of the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around his waist, but not even the cold shower had helped him to calm down at all. Paul had been in his place for only a bit and yet, everything already smelled like him.  
Daryl wasn’t sure if he did the right thing, he wasn’t sure about anything anymore…   
On the one hand, he wanted Paul by his side, on the other, he wished he would never have found him so he wouldn’t feel this chaos of emotions again. Daryl liked himself with a clear mind, a clear goal, even if it was just a simple thing for just one day. This… he didn’t like this at all. He wanted to handle shit on his own but in this case, Paul was involved and he was hurting him right in this moment, only with not being by his side. But how should he handle being with him? Having this person around he cared so much about that he couldn’t even think straight…

Daryl’s train of thoughts got interrupted by a loud knock at the door and he and he walked to the door reluctantly.  
When he opened it, he looked right into the damn bright eyes he actually wanted to avoid, blinking at him while Rick had the guy, those eyes belonged to, by his collar and Abraham and Glenn behind them, pointing guns at his head.

“You take care of this now,” Rick said plainly and Daryl shook his head. “Nah..” he replied and was about to close the door again, but Rick blocked it with his foot.

“I found him sneaking around in our arsenals.”

“So?”

“So? Just because you used to know him doesn’t mean we can trust him now so you watch Jesus. It’s an order.” Rick said and pushed him inside, then shut the door himself.

Paul was standing there for a moment, feeling a bit uncomfortable because he was supposed to not be near his ex-lover right now.  
“I didn’t mean to cause you trouble..” he said eventually and Daryl shot him a short look. “Whatever.”

“Your arsenal is pretty impressive, but your provisions are low for so many people..” Paul said nonchalantly, just to say something at all.

“If you’re hungry, you could’ve just asked.” Daryl mumbled.

“No.. I’m not, I was just..” Before Paul was able to finish the sentence, his stomach betrayed him with a loud rumble.

“When was the last time you ate something?” Daryl asked and it painfully reminded him of the day when they collected stuff from the abandoned gas station and made it their first and last date. He was even still wearing the vest from that store and as far as he could see, Paul was still wearing the shoes he once found there, just that they now looked as used and dirty as his vest.

“I don’t know.. I was out for a while.”

Daryl huffed and left to get something from the kitchen and returned with a glass of water and a cookie. “Here,” he said and placed both on the table.

“You sure?” Paul asked warily and Daryl shook his head. “Nah. I was kidding.”  
Paul smiled and sat down at the table. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“Things are going to be weird between us now, right?” Daryl asked carefully, not able to look at Paul.  
“Only if we let it happen. But it will be hard for me to pretend, that I don’t love you.” Paul said honestly and Daryl felt a sharp pain in his chest.

“Yeah.. I guess..”

“I want our communities to work together.. help each other out.. If both sides agree, we might keep seeing each other on occasion..”

Daryl bit his lower lip, not sure what to say. He didn’t want Paul out of his life again but how should he say that and explain, that he didn’t want him too close at the same time while every inch of his body was craving after him…

“You said if it doesn’t work, we will be friends without benefits.. You think we could?”

“Sad.. I said sad friends,” Paul corrected.

Daryl joined Paul at the table and watched him for a while.. He wasn’t even touching the cookie and just stared at his hands, he had folded on his lap.

“I never wanted to make you sad..”

“I know.. me neither.” Paul replied and was lost in thoughts for a while. “Maybe you’re right.. If we just make each other sad, maybe we shouldn’t be together.”

“You never made me sad while you were with me..” Daryl said and Paul looked at him. He stood up and walked around the table, settled down on Daryl’s lap and hugged him tightly.  
Daryl hesitated for a moment, but then he wrapped his arms around him and let his head drop against his shoulder. He closed his eyes when Paul buried his hands in his damp, tousled hair and started to breathe kisses along his neck.

“What are you doing?” Daryl mumbled and squeezed Paul gently.

“I don’t know.. saying good bye?” he said quietly and his eyes met Daryl’s. They just looked at each other for a little eternity, before Daryl leaned in to kiss him. What started shy and innocent at first, turned into passionate kissing fast. Daryl freed Paul from his coat, lifted him up with ease, because Paul wrapped his legs around him the moment he stood up and carried him to the mattress, where he continued undressing him without interrupting the kissing even for a second.  
While Daryl was busy to work through the layers of clothes Paul was wearing, Paul just loosened his towel a bit and it slipped off his waist on its own.  
His hands were restlessly wandering over Daryl’s body, trying to touch every single spot he was able to reach.  
This morning, he didn’t even know if he would see Daryl ever again and being with him now after all this time was just to amazing and no matter what he decided, Paul just needed to feel him, even if it was the last time. 

“Your turn..then we’re even..” Paul whispered, relaxed on the mattress and closed his eyes. He knew, if there was a tiny chance to get Daryl back at some point, he had to let him go first and he was ready to say good bye, for now.

 

 

***

 

 


	21. Will you still be there tomorrow?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't say much this time because I am already half asleep... I hope you enjoy and again, sorry for the delay X3

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 21***

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daryl and Paul were lying in each others arms, not talking for a long while now, just enjoying being close to each other like this for probably the last time. Daryl had his nose buried in Paul’s, now slightly tousled, hair and kept breathing in this wonderful scent, he had missed so much. Maybe he was making a mistake with not embracing what he had now and keep it close, but every time something good was happening to him, it got taken away. He was trying to be the best person he could possibly be but still, no good deed goes unpunished. Something he slowly, but steady, had to learn the hard way.

“You can still change your mind..” Paul suddenly broke the silence and Daryl opened his eyes.  
Before he was able to reply something, Paul added: “I don’t mean now..just.. in general.”

“Please don’t waste your time with me..” Daryl mumbled into his hair and let his hand glide over Paul’s arm.  
“I’m not.. you’re wasting our time.”

“Just trying to save us..”

“From what?”

“Making each other weak..”

Paul lifted himself up a bit and looked Daryl into the eyes. “You know.. I once met a guy.. and he said something to me that helped me grow and get stronger. I am strong now, probably more than you can imagine. And you are, too. I can see that. You were already strong when I first met you but now.. This world suits you. You fit in and so do I..”

“You know..” Daryl interrupted, “Maybe part of me wishes you wouldn’t be in this world anymore.. Because you deserve better..”

“And the other part?”

“Hm.. thinks that then you wouldn’t be here anymore and that would suck..”

Paul chuckled softly. “I’m good in this world.. You’ll see.” he sighed and was lost in thoughts for a moment, until he kept talking. “Will you help me make it a better place?”

“You think that’s possible?” Daryl asked and started playing with Paul’s hair.

“I think everything is possible. I respect your decision, though I know you won’t ever make me weak. All you can make me is happy, if you want but.. it has to work both ways..”  
“I’m sorry.. I just don’t think that..”

“It’s okay.. I don’t wanna talk about it now. I just want to enjoy this.. in case you let me stay or are you gonna throw me out?”

“Nah. I’m on duty. Can’t let you go, sorry.”

Paul laughed. “I forgot. You could try tie me up again.”

Daryl snorted. “No, you ain’t gonna make me look like a fool again. This is better,” he mumbled, pulled Paul a little closer and held him tight.

“You wanted to leave me tied up on the road...”

“I was sure you’d find me.”

“Asshole.”

A little smile flashed over Daryl’s lips. Right now, everything felt so perfect, he was actually considering to rethink his decision. Maybe he was capable of having a relationship and finding a little happiness in this world. Maybe he was able to make Paul happy, he just had to be brave enough to try. Daryl decided to not say out loud what was on his mind, because before he wasn’t 100 percent certain, he didn’t want to give Paul hope for this to work after all. This morning, he was ready to close this chapter of his life once and for all and now he had this book in front of him, with only a few pages written and countless blank ones, waiting to tell their whole story. Now it was on him to close the book or keep writing.

“But see… you had faith in me then.. You thought I would be fine.”

“I was pissed. I wasn’t thinking.”

“But I _am_ fine. Maybe we just have to get to know each other better.. I think this world had changed us both.”

“Maybe.. Still, you know me better than anyone..” Daryl said and Paul stole him a kiss for that. “I can say the same about you. You’re the only one who knew me before this. You know about my past, you’ve even been in my old apartment..” Paul laughed, because he almost forgot that he once had one.

“I remember. We kinda ended up like this.”

“We thought it was the last day on earth and we ended up exactly like this.”

“And now we’re still here and there still is a tomorrow.”

“And I’m still glad you’re here...”

Daryl smiled. “Yeah, me too.”

“Will you still be here tomorrow?” Paul mumbled sleepily and snuggled up closer.

“I’ll be here...just..different..”  
“I love you.. I probably won’t say it again so.. keep it in mind, okay?”

“Hmh..”

Daryl wanted to say it back but somehow, he couldn’t. He kissed Paul’s forehead instead and closed his eyes.

“Good night.”  


***

  
When Paul woke up the next morning, Daryl wasn’t there. Instead, he was covered with a blanket and found the cookie next to the mattress, with a note saying: ‘Eat!’

Paul did as he was told, then went to the bathroom to refresh himself a little and got dressed afterwards. Though he knew that from now on, he had to treat Daryl like a friend only, he was in a pretty good mood. The night had been wonderful, now the sun was shining and he was curious to meet the people who lived here. When he opened the door, Rick was standing there, about to knock and he greeted him with a smile.

“Morning. Just wanted to let you know we’re ready and everyone is waiting for you to tell your story.” Rick said while he wasn’t really looking at Paul but into the house to see any hints of things that might have happened last night.”

“Daryl left already. There’s nothing to see.” Paul smiled and Rick felt a bit embarrassed for being so predictable.

“Well..he didn’t show up at the meeting, yet..” Rick said and Paul frowned.   
“You two sorted things out?”

“Kind of.. at least for now. I can’t force him into it.. just show him that we would be good together. At least that is what I still believe in. But first things first. Shall we?” he asked and Rick nodded. “Follow me.”

Rick escorted Paul back to his place and a bunch of people were waiting already. Some of them, Paul had met last night, some faces were new. Daryl wasn’t there and Paul had a bad gut feeling about it but tried to shove it away for now.

“Everyone, this is Jesus.” Rick said and offered him a chair in front of the group. He settled down and smiled. “Hi.”

“You wanted to talk, now talk.” 

“I checked out your place a little and I’m quite impressed by your amount of weapons. Your supplies are rather small for so many people, though. I think our communities could help each other out. Part of my job is to find more communities to work with.”

“More? You mean you’re already trading with other groups?” a young woman with dark hair and a very determined expression asked and Paul smiled. “Your world is going to become a whole lot bigger,” he promised.  
“And who tells us he’s not making shit up?” The red-haired guy, Paul already met at night, asked.

“I can show you. I’ll take you to my place and you can see for yourself.”

“I say we should give it a try.” Michonne said and exchanged a look with Rick, who nodded. “Yeah.”

They had decided to not tell everyone that Jesus and Daryl knew each other, yet. Rick wanted them to build their own opinion and not just blindly trust Daryl’s judgment on his former lover.

“Guess it’s settled then. Let’s get the RV ready and see what Jesus has to offer.” 

The group split up and Paul was quite satisfied with the outcome of the conversation. Still he was wondering where Daryl was.  
He walked outside with Rick and Michonne, when his question got answered by his missed friend coming up the road, his arms and face smeared with blood.

“Daryl.. what..” Paul exclaimed and hurried to him. “Where the hell have you been? What happened?”

“Nothing.. I was out.”

“Did.. did you do this on purpose? Making me worry and risking your life to.. I don’t know.. pay me back or something?” Paul asked reproachfully and Daryl’s eyes darkened. 

“That’s what you think of me?” he asked and threw two dead rabbits in front of Paul’s feet. “You were hungry, I brought dinner. Some fucker took my crossbow so I had to improvise. Also met a few walkers along the way. Wasn’t risking my life.”

Daryl looked so disappointed, Paul could barely look at him. He could see how hard he tried to hold his temper and Paul wanted to kick his own ass for talking before thinking.

“Daryl..”

“Don’t. See, this is why we can’t be together.” Daryl said dryly and just kept walking.

Paul bit his lip and took a shaky breath. Yeah, he understood what Daryl meant. He was that kind of person who didn’t mind to take a risk as well, because he knew what he could handle. But they would always worry about the other, being overprotective because the risk of losing each other was way too high to take in any situation. Daryl was a wildcat, acting out of instinct, knowing the risks he could take. Paul was more a strategist but spontaneous as well, most of the time not bothering to give a second thought to something he decided to do, no matter if it seemed risky or not.   
Paul had been on his own for so long, he wasn’t even sure if he could go back to be less reckless because he had to be considerate of someone else. Still, he wanted to try but Daryl didn’t and no matter how much it hurt, he understood.

Daryl passed Rick and wanted to ignore him, but his friend hold him back. “Wash your face and get ready. Jesus is taking us to his place.”

“I ain’t comin’.” Daryl mumbled and Rick grabbed his wrist. “Yes you are. Look, I like Jesus, but not everyone is trusting him. I need you to keep an eye on him. You know what we’ve been through in the past. You can see if he acts weird or something.”  
“Nah, he’s the same asshole as always. You can trust him.” Daryl assured.

“I expect you at the RV in about 20 minutes, you think you can do that?” Rick asked, ignoring what Daryl said and his friend didn’t look happy at all.

“Sure.” he said anyway.

 

 

***

 

 


	22. At the Hilltop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~~ it is still sunday and before I go to bed, I'll give you a new chapter =) (pls don't hate me XD)  
> Also thank you so much for those who left a comment on the last or on several chapters, that means the world to me and you'll all get a personal thank you but I really have to sleep bc work tomorrow..  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and hopefully see you next weekend =) <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 22***

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was night, when Paul was sitting in front of his trailer at Hilltop, his so called home, recalling the events of the day.  
Along the way, they had saved some of their people, whose car crashed down and though Daryl’s group had worried it would be another trick, it worked out well after all and that was good.  
Gregory, the current leader of Hilltop has presented himself as the usual ass he was, but after he got stabbed by one of their own people, Alexandria's group finally got their deal and though he had a bad feeling about it, they seemed confident to be able to deal with the people who called themselves "Saviors".  
Paul knew, no matter how good he was on his own, his community didn't stand a chance against the Saviors and this was their only chance to break free from their chains.  
What bothered him more, was the way Daryl had treated him the whole day. He had only looked at him when it was absolutely necessary and when he did, his eyes were cold.  
Yeah, what he said today was stupid and he regretted it deeply. Daryl had all rights to be pissed and Paul had no idea how to fix it.  
It almost looked like Daryl had changed his mind and just wanted to do something sweet for him and he had nothing better to do than proving him, that he had been right in the first place.  
All the time, the thought alone that he could find Daryl and be with him again kept Paul alive. He was still so close, the whole group stayed at Hilltop to get some rest and they would start their mission tomorrow.  
It never even crossed his mind for once, that Daryl could not want to be with him anymore but slowly, the reality of that possibility being true kicked in. Paul buried his face in his hands and mumbled to himself: “Don’t… don’t betray me now..”

“Who’s betraying you?” a barely familiar voice asked and Paul looked up, right into the beautiful face of the young woman, called Maggie.

“Uhm… I am. I’m betraying myself. Hi.” Paul said and smiled a little helplessly.

“Hi.” Maggie returned the smile and Paul already liked her so much. She had been the one, doing the talking with Gregory and Paul already saw a potential in her, he wouldn’t say out loud yet.  
All together, he really liked the people from Alexandria right from the start and with or without getting Daryl back, he was glad that he found them.

“May I?” Maggie asked and Paul shifted a bit to give her space to settle down at the steps as well. “Sure.”

“What happened? Trouble with your leader?” she asked and Paul relaxed a bit, feeling like he could open up to her, but still not sure if he should.  
“Not more than usually. I kinda let him think he’s running this place but he’s a terrible leader.”  
“You wanna take over?” Maggie asked and Paul shook his head. “No. But I always keep my eyes open for someone who could. The people who live here deserve a good place.”

Maggie smiled. “Then what is it? Everything worked out fine, didn’t it?”

“It did. For my community. Not for me personally… I just realized.. that I lost the love of my life.”

“Is she dead?” Maggie asked and Paul frowned, realizing that Maggie didn’t have a clue that it was about him and Daryl. “No. _He_...” Paul paused and looked at Maggie, not sure how she would react, but she just gave him a sweet smile and he relaxed. “He is very much alive. I just fucked it up,” he said and dashed away a single tear. “And this is how I betray myself because I didn’t want to cry anymore.” 

“It’s okay to cry sometimes. If he’s alive, he’s not lost. But you seem like a pretty good catch and if he doesn’t know or can’t appreciate how much you’re worth, don’t waste your time on him. Maybe there’s already someone else waiting and you won’t see him because your mind is stuck with the one who can’t forgive you whatever you’ve done to fuck it up. Can’t be that bad?”

Paul shook his head. “Not really, but it’s complicated. I think he doesn’t know what he’s worth and that’s the main problem. He’s afraid of being happy for once in his life and makes up stupid reasons why it won’t work.”

“What will you do?”

“Focus on our main problem for the moment, I guess. Keeping a bit of hope, that after everything is over, he’ll give us a chance?”

“Wow...he must be a hell of a guy, if you are willing to wait until he might changes his mind..”

“The thing is… he’s _the_ guy. Even if my head keeps saying just let it go, you can’t force him into it, my heart still wants him. I once was willing to die for him and I would do it again so… waiting is more a minor sacrifice.” Paul smiled, though his eyes were sad.

“Your guy is pretty stupid if you ask me.” Maggie said and squeezed Paul’s shoulder.  
“Yeah, I keep hearing that a lot, recently.” Paul laughed, then he sighed. “Thanks for the talk. I think I need to walk a bit on my own, clear my head.”

“Sure. Anytime,” she smiled and Paul returned the smile before both stood up and parted company.  
He looked after Maggie until he couldn’t see her anymore, still with a smile on his face. Paul couldn’t remember the last time, he had a real friend. Maybe she could become one.  
He decided to walk a bit in the shadows of the trailers to not draw attention to him, thinking about what Maggie had said and he was wondering if she would have had said the same, if she knew it was about Daryl.  
With his mind busy, he didn’t see the guy in front of him and almost bumped into him. Though it was dark, he recognized the long-term member of the Hilltop community immediately.

“Travis? What are you still doing out here? Is everything alright?” Paul asked with the natural instinct to always make sure everyone around him was okay.

“Jesus.. I...accidentally overheard a conversation and… men, I didn’t know you were into guys. That girl was right, you shouldn’t waste your time, I mean.. you’re kinda cute for a guy and we don’t have much opportunities left so I thought...”

“Wait!” Paul raised his arms, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh come on, you know what I’m talking about.” Travis said and stepped into Paul’s personal space, grabbing his wrist. “When was the last time you had sex, huh? For me, I can’t remember.. Thought you could help me out a bit.. I could give you a little comfort for your broken heart..”

“Actually, yesterday and I can remember very well. How about we forget that this conversation ever happened, okay?”

“It’s a little bit late for that now, huh? How about you’re a little nicer to me?” Travis snarled, pushed Paul against the back of a trailer and forced a kiss on him that was so disgusting, that Paul wanted to vomit. He was so surprised that he even forgot how strong he was and just tried to push the taller guy away as suddenly, the weight got taken off of him and when he was able to think clear again, he saw Travis on the ground and Daryl on top of him, punching his face over and over.  
He only paused to grab his collar and pull his head closer, so he could hear him clearly without yelling.  
“Don’t you dare ever touch him again.” Daryl hissed and Travis coughed. “And who the hell are you?” he asked and spat blood.  
“I’m the guy who will rip off your dick and feed it to the walkers if you ever get too close again or tell anyone what happened here, you understand?”

“Fuck you.” Travis replied and Daryl dashed his head on the hard ground and pulled it up again.

“You understand?” he repeated and finally, Travis gave up. “Understand.”

Daryl stood up and dragged Travis with him. “Now get the hell away from here or I’ll be the guy who killed you!” he growled and pushed the other guy, who stumbled away.

Daryl was breathing heavily and looked over to Paul, who still leaned against the trailer, with his arms wrapped around him.  
“You alright?” Daryl asked and Paul nodded.  
“Did that happen before?” he kept asking and pointed into the direction the guy left.

“No.” Paul assured, “It was misunderstanding.”

“Looked like he knew very well what he was doing.”

“Maybe. But I can handle things on my own.” Paul knew he could take advantage of the situation, making Daryl go with him because he couldn’t be alone after such an experience or whatever, but he was terrible with pretending.

“Didn’t look like it.” Daryl said and locked eyes with Paul.

“He caught me off-guard.. But thank you for saving me..” Paul smiled weakly and Daryl broke the eye contact. “This changes nothing,” he mumbled and Paul nodded. “Sure.”

“You take care of yourself, will you?” Daryl asked and Paul nodded again. “I will.”

Out of an impulse, Daryl walked to Paul, grabbed his waist to pull him closer and kissed him with all the love he felt for this man. He knew it was wrong, but he just couldn’t help it. He ended the kiss as suddenly as he started it and looked into Paul’s questioning eyes.

“If we die tomorrow… that fucker ain’t gonna be the last person who kissed you.”  
With that said, Daryl left and Paul had never felt that lost before. He needed a moment to process everything that had happened in the last few minutes, then he dropped on his knees and gasped for air because suddenly, he couldn’t breathe anymore. 

“Daryl..” Paul hiccuped and with the first sob that escaped his throat, the wall crumbled and he started to weep bitterly. He wasn’t good at pretending and right now, he couldn’t pretend any longer that his heart wasn’t broken.

 

 

***

 

 


	23. Outpost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~~
> 
> Sorry for the delay but last weekend I got an idea for a new story and had to write down the idea to not forget it because this one won't go on forever and though it is not the end yet, i see the end coming and need a new desus project after this one =) 
> 
> If you want, check it out and tell me what you think =D http://archiveofourown.org/works/11022255/chapters/24563199
> 
> So I might update both stories with focus on this one first so pls don't be mad if schedules get delayed X3

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 23***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What happened to you?” Rick asked when he saw Daryl walk into the house at Hilltop, where they all stayed for the night, with his hand covered in blood.

“I had to make a point.” Daryl replied dryly.

“Look, we don’t have the trust of this people, yet. Please don’t do anything stupid, will you?”

“This guy… He tried things with Paul against his will, okay?” Daryl grunted and Rick’s eyes widened.

“Got it. Forget what I said.” Rick said and put his hand on Daryl’s shoulder, then he suddenly noticed something.

“Hey.. You got bitten.”

“What? Bullshit..” Daryl said and Rick smiled. “See yourself.”

Daryl looked at the spot on his shoulder and saw actual bite marks there, but not from a walker…  
He turned away and said nothing, hoping Rick would leave it at that, but of course he wouldn’t.

“So you had sex with Jesus and then you dumped him?”

“Could you please not say Jesus, sex and me in one sentence? Thanks.”

“Daryl… why are you throwing away what you have with him?”

“Again, I ain’t throwing away shit. This will save both of us.”

“How?”

“Look.. he died for me. I can’t have that again.”

“You know it doesn’t have to happen again, right? Tomorrow we go back to Alexandria, convince everyone to fight the saviors with us and when they’re gone, maybe we can finally start living. And you can start to be happy.”

“Maybe… Maybe not.”

“Sometimes, you have to take chances.”

Daryl bit his lower lip and looked down at his hands. He recalled something in his mind, Abraham had asked him earlier. If he ever thought about settling down. He had once, when he met Paul and they were heading to Atlanta. He wanted to tell Merle and he wanted to stay with Paul and start over, once they were safe and everything was going back to normal. There was no going back to normal, though. There was no “safe”.

“I made my choice. Just let it go, okay?” Daryl asked and Rick could see the sadness in his eyes, when he looked up again.

“Okay.” he nodded. “Your choice. Just do yourself a favor and think about it again.”

Daryl shrugged and left Rick alone to wash his hands and get some sleep. He just wanted this day to be over and the next day to be over and the saviors to be over and then he would probably allow himself to catch a breath and shine a different light on the whole situation, but first things first.

The next day, they were all going back to Alexandria with a good portion of supplies. Their mission was to get a guy named Craig from Hilltop back and kill all saviors. In the RV, Daryl was sitting as far away from Paul as possible, looking out of the window.

Paul looked out of the window at his side as well and Maggie, sitting next to him, nudged his leg with her knee. He looked at her and she smiled. “Still thinking about him?”  
“Along other things.” Paul replied with a sad smile. “I should better keep my mind busy with our actual problem, right?”

“Right. Don’t waste your energy on someone who doesn’t want it.”

“Right..” Paul said and looked through the RV. His eyes rested a bit too long on Daryl for Maggie to not notice, before he looked out of the window again, but she said nothing. Not until they were back at Alexandria, where she pulled him aside and whispered: “I thought about it again.. Forget what I said. If you think he’s worth it, waste all your energy.”

Paul frowned, then raised an eyebrow. “What changed your mind so suddenly?” he asked, looking a bit amused.  
“There are not much people left.. If you think you found the right one, don’t give him up. He’s one of ours, right?”

Paul answered that with a smile and said: “I fought way too long to get him back to just give up. But we need time to heal from what we did to each other. Both of us.”

Maggie gave Paul a sad smile and watched him walked away. He grabbed a basket full of supplies and passed Daryl while he carried it away, not looking at him but Daryl turned around and looked after him until he got distracted by Rick. They exchanged a few words and Daryl got back to work.

Maggie sighed. “Don’t give up on him.”

***

After they all gathered in the church to discuss the deal with the Hilltop and decided to fight the saviors, everything went pretty fast. With a good plan to get Craig, the guy from the Hilltop, back, the group from Alexandria was lead to the place where the saviors kept him as hostage and the plan went smoothly.   
Paul had to stay in the shadows to avoid the risk of being seen and waited with Tara and Gabriel, along Andy and Craig, in one of the cars, nervous, knowing that Daryl was in there, risking his life again while clearing out the place.   
He was listening to Tara, confessing to Gabriel, that she lied to her girlfriend that day. That she told her she loved her but just to cover up what else was bothering her.

“Do you?” Paul asked and she looked at him.

“Do you love her?” Gabriel repeated the question and she nodded. “Yeah.”  
“Then you know what you’re fighting for.” Paul said and his thoughts went back to Daryl. He knew he hurt him and Daryl did the same with not giving them a chance. Still, he loved him and he would keep fighting for that love and being happy after all until his dying breath.

Everything was silent for a while as suddenly, the alarm went off and he knew the group was in trouble.  
They jumped put of the car and took their guns. “We need to go!” Tara exclaimed and looked at Paul. “Get them back to the Hilltop!”  
“What?” Paul asked, feeling panic crawling through his veins. “But your people could be in trouble!”  
Daryl was in trouble..   
“When you get them back, the deal is still on, right? Right?” Tara asked and Paul tried to keep his breathing under control.  
He couldn’t allow himself to freak out now and there was no way he would get back to the Hilltop without knowing if Daryl was alright.  
“They get themselves back. Andy! Drive him back to the Hilltop!” Paul ordered, took his coat and beanie off and covered his face with a bandana.  
“Look, if they see you and we don’t make it..” Tara started, but Paul interrupted: “We’re gonna make it. And they’re not gonna see me.”   
With that said, he rushed into the building, not listening to her anymore. 

Everyone from Alexandria was important, but all he could think about was finding Daryl. The whole building was filled with the sound of gunfire and with every dead body he passed that wasn’t one of his people, he gained hope. Around a corner, he saw a pile of dead bodies and Glenn, together with Heath, coming out of a room, as one of the saviors raised a gun with his last strength to kill at least one of them, but Paul was faster and killed him with one shot.  
He pulled the bandana down, looking at what he just did, then back at the two he just saved.  
“This is the next world..” he mumbled and turned around when the rest of the group joined them, all exhausted but unharmed.

“Guess we did it.” Rick said but Paul only had eyes for Daryl. Relief washed over him, seeing his friend alive, but Daryl stomped up to him, grabbed his arm and pulled him around the corner.

“What the hell, man? You’re not supposed to be in here,” he hissed and Paul didn’t get why he was angry again, when he should be happy instead, that they made it and everyone was fine.  
“I heard the alarm. I came in to help.” Paul clarified but Daryl was furious.  
“Yeah, you’re not helping when I can’t trust you to stay safe when you said you’d stay out! What if something went wrong and they saw you, huh? Would’ve been all for nothing then!”

“No one saw me, nothing went wrong.” Paul said, keeping his voice calm. “And you know what?” he asked and walked up to Daryl, his whole body language making him seem a lot bigger than he actually was. “You’re not gonna boss me around just because you don’t have faith in me. I know what I am doing.”

“Yeah? How am I supposed to have faith in you when you act stupid like this?”

“Again, I know what I am doing and you.. you don’t own me.” Paul said and locked eyes with Daryl, who was breathing heavily.

“What’s going on here?” Rick asked, suddenly standing next to them.

“Nothing. _Jesus_ just wanted to go back to the Hilltop, tell everyone that we did it. That’s all.” Daryl said and his words hurt Paul visibly.

“Guess that’s all,” he confirmed dryly and left the building with the rest of the group, not paying attention to Daryl anymore.  
It was bright outside by now and he got the RV ready to drive back to the Hilltop, while the others made sure the area was clear.

Believing everything was over now, Paul left the group behind, without a clue that the fight with the saviors was just getting started.

 

 

***

 

 


	24. Taken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone =) 
> 
> I hope you don't mind that I let this story merge with the canon story X3 I just wanted to write a desus version of what happened all the time and I once started a separate one, but decided a while ago that I want to include it in this one so..yeah XD I hope it is not too boring X3
> 
> have a nice weekend <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 24***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus woke up in his trailer, staring at the ceiling for a while, before he got up. He grabbed the knife from under his pillow and carved a mark into the wall. It was the tenth time now he repeated the daily ritual. Ten days. Ten days without a message from Alexandria or a sign from Daryl.  
He considered every day to take a trip to Alexandria, but the last time him and Daryl had parted felt so final.  
He had called him Jesus for the first time ever and it felt like he had said good bye to the guy he fell in love with two years ago, once and for all.   
Paul from the mountains was gone and so was Daryl’s love for him.

Jesus had some food on the table but he wasn’t hungry. His stomach got used to not complain without food for days over the time. He also didn’t feel like going out, now that he knew where Daryl was, but he did it anyway.  
He had been on his own a lot for the past days and couldn’t even remember the last time he had spoken to another person.

Jesus took a box from a shelf and opened it. There wasn’t much in it, only a stone with a date carved in and a little pressed forget-me-not.  
“I should have stayed on my own after you were gone..” he mumbled and took out the stone. “Thought I forgot you?” Jesus smiled. “You probably did right, Alex. You wouldn’t wanna be in this world.. But I do. Believe it or not, I still like to be alive. There is still a lot in this world worth living for.. I’m just in the wrong place and made the wrong choices. I thought after you, I would never be able to love again and now I gave my heart to this guy and he doesn’t want it.” Jesus laughed, because he knew exactly how Alex would look at him now. “Yeah, guess what.. I found someone I love more than I loved you and I know you would have wanted that for me. Sometimes I even considered you could have sent him.. well.. if you are still somewhere.. You’ve always been good with picking stuff for me. Remember that one sweater that.. forget it.. I don’t have it anymore.” he smiled and sighed. “I miss having you around to give me advice.. I miss the friend I had in you beside everything else..”

Jesus put the stone back in the box and the box back on the shelf, then he left his trailer.  
He breathed in the fresh morning air, when he heard someone yell: “OPEN THE GATES.”  
Jesus hurried to the gate and rushed outside, the moment it was open, seeing Maggie and Sasha coming up the road and he immediately saw that both were in bad shape. “GET CARSON!” he yelled, then hurried to the girls to help Sasha stabilize Maggie. She was white like a ghost, covered in sweat and Sasha didn’t look good either.  
“What happened?” Jesus asked out of breath and Maggie dropped on her knees, not able to say anything. She was hyperventilating.   
“Shhh… It’s okay. You’re safe now.” Jesus assured and rubbed her back gently while Sasha crouched next to her friend as well.  
Just now, Jesus saw more of the group coming in the distance, carrying two covered bodies.

“Oh my god, what happened? Who’s that?”

Sasha looked at him with tired, empty eyes. “Abraham.. and Glenn..”

“Negan..” Maggie groaned with her last strength and looked at Jesus. “He took Daryl, I’m so sorry..”   
Her last words before she passed out weren’t more than a whisper, but it was enough to make his guts twist. Negan was still out there? They haven’t killed all Saviors, probably not even close to all of them and now Abraham and Glenn were dead.. Daryl taken, whatever that meant, it was all to much to digest at once, so Jesus focused on what was important now and that was saving Maggie.

“Help me get her inside.” Jesus said and Sasha nodded. Dr. Carson was already on his way and helped them to lay her down in his trailer.   
“I got this.” the doctor assured, “Go look if someone else is injured!”

Jesus nodded. “Sasha.. you stay here, get some rest.” he said and rushed back outside.

Rick was the first who walked up to him when they put the bodies down. He looked like the walking dead himself.  
“Rick..are you hurt?” Jesus asked softly and he looked at him, his eyes dead, his face covered with the blood from his friends. The man was broken, that was for sure and Jesus could do absolutely nothing about it.

“We’re not done.” he said hoarsely, “Please.. help Maggie.”

“Dr. Carson is taking care of her already. She can stay here of course. Rick… what happened..”

“Sasha too? She needs her now.. they need each other. We thought we bring the bodies here so..”

“Of course. It’s all fine, I’ll make sure it will be, but please tell me what happened!”

“Negan is in charge now. I have to go tell everyone else..” Rick babbled and was about to turn around to get back to Alexandria, but Jesus hold him back.

“Don’t you wanna get some rest first?”

“No..” Rick replied. 

“What happened to Daryl… Maggie said..” 

“Negan took him.”

“Why? Where?”

“I have no idea.”

With that said, Rick turned around and left him alone. Jesus looked from the dead bodies to those who carried them, then back inside to the trailer, where Sasha was coming out. Everyone around him was either dead or looked dead inside and Daryl could be anything. Dead, alive, being tortured…mutilated... he started feeling sick by the thought alone and he had no idea, where Negan took him. He was so sure they had them all, but now they had no idea how many and where they lived and all of this was partly his fault, because he let Daryl’s group agree to accept the deal.

“Carson is optimistic, that she will make it.” Sasha said without showing any emotion and ripped Jesus out of his thoughts.

“That’s good to hear. Come on, I show you a place for your friends..” he said and led her to a nice spot behind the trailers.  
“Would you give me a moment..” Jesus excused himself and Sasha nodded. She looked horrible and Jesus felt horrible for leaving her now, but it was all too much.  
It was unusual for him to just leave the place in circumstances like this, but he couldn’t breathe anymore and the moment he was on the other side of the gates, he started running.

Jesus knew the area around the Hilltop too well, there was no chance the Saviors lived anywhere close. But they had to live somewhere… He just had to find it. A sign, anything…  
Jesus kept running until he almost passed out. He dropped on his knees and screamed all his frustration out, then he crouched on the ground, closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath.  
It wasn’t taking long until he heard walkers coming, attracted by the noise he made and when he looked up, he was surrounded already.

“You came to the wrong place..” Jesus grunted and jumped up, taking out one after another, until he dropped on the ground again, in the middle of a pile of motionless walkers. He looked around, breathing heavily and blinked away a tear.

“I’ll find you..” Jesus promised into the silence. “I will...”

 

 

***

 

 


	25. One of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Motivated by all the love I got for my story from a friend recently, have another chapter =D

 

 

 

 

*** Chapter 25 ***

 

 

 

 

 

A few days had passed after the incident with the Saviors. Jesus was picking flowers to bring them to the graves, like he did everyday and once he got there, he was happily surprised to see Maggie up and well, though a bit thinner than she used to be and way too thin for a woman, carrying a baby.

“It’s nice to see you up.” he greeted her and gave Sasha a smile as well.

Maggie smiled at him, watching him decorating the graves with the fresh flowers and removing the old ones.

“Flowers... that was you?”

“The ones on your bed, too.” Sasha said.

“I read somewhere that blue flowers inspire strength and calming.”

“What’s green?” Maggie asked, close to tears again.

“Release.” Jesus said and Maggie sniffed with a smile and nodded.

Jesus touched her shoulder gently, to comfort her, and she rubbed her nose.  
“You know.. Daryl would like this. He has a thing for flowers, too.” 

“Does he?” Jesus asked quietly and his chest hurt, thinking of him. “I didn’t know..”

“You heard anything from him?” Maggie asked and Jesus shook his head.

“Nothing..”

“Daryl is tough. Wherever he is.. whatever he’s going through.. Keep that in mind.”

Jesus nodded, but wasn’t able to look at her anymore. It hurt too much, not knowing if Daryl was still alive and that he didn’t know stuff like that about him hurt as well. Wasn’t he the one, knowing him better than anyone else? There was so much he probably didn’t know about him and now he wasn’t sure anymore, if he ever got the chance again to find out.

“How did you know it was him?” Jesus asked and Maggie smiled. “The way you two looked at each other.” she said and Jesus huffed softly.

“Tell me.. how did you guys meet?”

“You really wanna hear that story now?” Jesus asked, playing with the spoiled flowers, he still held in his hands.

“I do. I’m sure Glenn wants to hear it, too.” she smiled, but her broken heart was shining through when she said her husband’s name out loud.

“Okay..” Jesus smiled and sat down on the ground. Maggie settled next to him and Sasha joined them as well.

“You mind?” she asked and Jesus shook his head.

The girls looked at him curiously and Jesus thought about a good point to begin with for a moment, then he started.

“Believe it or not, Daryl and I met for the first time, when the world was still the old one and I thought my only worry was the boyfriend I lost. He committed suicide about a year before I met Daryl. I traveled to the mountains on New Year’s eve, to see the fireworks and say good bye to Alex once and for all, so I could go on with my life. There.. in the middle of nowhere.. there was Daryl. It was one of those surreal encounters that make you do stupid things without thinking… and so we ended up in my tent after too much alcohol.. you know..” Jesus looked down, smiling, though he felt a little embarrassed to open up to those girls he just started to get to know, but he felt comfortable around them. He felt like he belonged…

“What then?” Sasha asked, smiling at Jesus.

“Then somehow the situation escalated..because of a misunderstanding and he left. At that point I thought I would never see him again, I mean.. I knew nothing about him...but I just couldn’t get that jerk out of my head..” he said and Maggie laughed.

“It was about two months later, when he suddenly stepped into the bar where I worked and that night, the city got overrun by walkers. We almost killed each other first, because we were both angry and then ended up escaping together. Daryl saved my life..more than once… and I fell in love. So much that I decided to die, so he could live, in a situation where we had no other choice.. That was when we lost each other. The last thing I said to him was that I love him. You wanna know what I said this time? I said that he doesn’t own me. That was the last thing I said.. He was just angry because he worried about me and I...” Jesus buried his face in his hands, “What if.. what if he..”

“Stop.” Maggie interrupted, “He’ll be okay. He has to be. Your story is not over.”

“You know what Negan does to people! I haven’t even met that man.. Everyday I try not to picture what he could do to my Daryl.. Every night I can’t sleep, knowing that he is out there, alone and scared… I know he is strong, but after what you all have been through that night.. he had no one to comfort him, no one to talk to.. He’s all alone.”

“He’s not. No matter how you parted, he knows that you love him, that we all do and that we’d do everything to get him back. You’ll get him back.” Maggie assured.

“I don’t even care anymore if he hates me now or whatever.. I just want him to be home..”

“He will be.” Maggie assured once more and gave Jesus a tight hug. 

“But will he still be the same?” Jesus mumbled and Maggie sighed. “Probably not. Does it matter?” she asked and Jesus shook his head with a smile.

“Thank you.. really. That you try cheering me up while..” he looked at the graves and back at the girls.

“Grief is for the dead.. hope is for the living.” Sasha said with a sad smile and Jesus smiled back at her.  
“I’m glad that you’re here.. both of you.”

Before anyone was able to say something more, Gregory appeared, interrupting the peace.

“Thank God, you’re finally awake!” the leader of the Hilltop said and the little group got up.  
Gregory walked straight to Maggie and said: “You people said you got them all!”

“We thought we did...it was just and outpost...” Maggie replied.

“How many of them were there..?” Gregory stuttered.

“There were a lot. Maybe hundreds.”

“Do they know the deal you made us take, Marsha?” Gregory asked and Jesus interrupted. “It’s _Maggie_.” he pointed out, trying to stay calm but it wasn’t easy with a dumb ass leader like Gregory was. 

“No.. And we didn’t make you take the deal, Gregory..” Maggie clarified, visibly fighting back the urge to just punch that assholes face.  
“I..I’m happy we could patch you up. You need to go.” Gregory said, about to walk away. “Make sure you let Rich know what we did for you.”

“Dr. Carson said I should stay!”

Gregory turned around. “If he thinks he has the authority to make that decision, he’s mistaken.”

This time, it was Sasha who stepped up to the Hilltop’s leader, about to say something.

“Don’t look at me like that! She’ll be safer with her own people. And we’ll be safer without her.” he defended his decision, “You need to keep your distance from Maggie and stay focused on your work here at the Hilltop.”

Gregory’s stupidity left Sasha speechless, staring at him with her mouth open and he just kept going. “Did you do this? We don’t bury our dead, we burn them!”

“I did it.” Sasha said, “I don’t live here.”

Now Gregory didn’t know what to say and Jesus, about to lose his patience with that man, helped out: “Gregory, this is Sasha. She got Maggie here, they’re both from Alexandria!”

“I can’t… I don’t have time keep track of everybody, I’ve been recuperating, too, Jesus. From a _stab_ wound!”

Part of Jesus just wanted to grab this embarrassment of a human being and throw him out, but it was not the right time to plant the feeling of instability at the Hilltop. Gregory needed to go, that was for sure, but he had to be replaced, slowly but steady, by someone the people of the community had faith in and that person was not there, yet.

“You know.. Maggie said that her people could take care of the Saviors!” Gregory continued, “So far all they’ve done it put our community at risk.” he turned to Maggie. “You know, if they see you here, they’ll think we colluded.

“We did.” Sasha threw in, as a matter of fact.

“I did not agree to this!” Gregory said, pointing at the graves. “If they think we helped attack their outpost, they’ll do that to us! Jesus, do you have any idea what plausible deniability means?”

“Yes?” Jesus replied exasperatedly.

“Well, then you know. It’s our way out. If they leave, we have plausible deniability.”

“Gregory, it’ll be night soon, it’s not safe for them to leave now.” Jesus tried to buy a bit more time and Gregory scoffed. “Look, I’m a good guy. You can stay the night. But leave in the morning.” he said and was about to walk away.  
“We’ll talk more about it tonight.” Jesus said, not willing to let it go just like that.  
“No, I made my decision.”  
“I’m just saying, that maybe..”  
“Do you wanna go back with them?” Gregory interrupted, leaving everyone speechless for a moment.  
“I’ll take them back.” Jesus said.  
“I meant..”  
“I know what you meant.”  
“So it’s settled.” Gregory said and kept walking.

“No it’s not!” Sasha held him back, “Maggie is pregnant.”

“Well.. that’s her mistake.” Gregory said and Sasha almost jumped on him, but Maggie held her back. “Wait..”

They let Gregory leave and looked at each other in disbelief of what just happened.

“The conversation is not over.” Jesus promised. “You’ll stay. I’ll make sure of that.”

“What if he really throws you out?” Maggie argued back but Jesus snorted. “He won’t be that stupid. This community needs me. You need us and I need you. You stay. And I’m so sorry for what just..”

“Don’t..” Sasha interrupted, “This is not on you. Sorry for getting you into trouble.”

“You don’t. He is. You’re my people, too, now. I will keep you safe.” Jesus promised and Maggie smiled.  
“Come on, Dr. Carson said you should take it easy the next days,“ Sasha said, “Don’t stress yourself.”

The group left the place and returned to Jesus’ trailer.  
“You can have the bed. Sasha is sleeping on the couch.. I’m fine on the ground.” Jesus said and Maggie sat down on the bed, looking around.

“Thank you.. but that’s not really a solution for long, once we got Daryl back..” she said and Jesus smiled at her.

“I appreciate your optimism.. We can split the mattresses, once he got here.”

“Feels a bit like summer camp.” Maggie said and Jesus laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m used to it. Grew up in a group home.”

“Now we just have to get Daryl back and then we can start planning Negan’s downfall.” 

“Right.” Jesus agreed. “I already have a plan.”

 

 

***

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dialogue with Gregory is from s7e5. I somehow thought it was necessary to include it X3


	26. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone =)
> 
> Because I am not sure I will update this weekend, have the new chapter now =) Hope you enjoy~

 

 

 

 

 

 

*** Chapter 26 ***

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daryl woke up in a dark cell.  
He was naked, hungry; he felt empty inside…  
Knowing, that he got one of his closest friends killed in the most brutal way possible, made him feel that he deserved to be right here, exactly like this.  
He knew this was the place where he would die, sooner or later.. fast or slow..

Daryl closed his eyes again, imagining he was somewhere else. He saw fireworks, next to him..a stranger. He could smell the fresh air, taste the booze, the soft lips that belonged to the stranger on his, the sweet taste of marshmallows.. a crackling fire..  
His eyes opened again and he shook his head. He didn’t deserve to be there, he deserved to be here, in a shit-hole that smelled like piss and sweat and he deserved to be all alone…

Why did he waste the time they had? 

Daryl closed his eyes again, hoping he wouldn’t wake up anymore. He just wanted everything to be over, but his trip through hell was just getting started.  
Hearing nothing but this damn happy song on endless repeat was driving him crazy, but he endured it. What he got to eat tasted like shit, but he ate it.  
After a few days, he got clothes.. dirty, shabby clothes.. he put them on.  
He got taken out, getting a little tour of the place, met Negan again, listened to his shit, was thrown back into the cell.

After a while, Daryl’s survival instinct kicked in and he looked for a way to escape, but he couldn’t.  
Not until that one time when not Dwight opened the door, but another guy. He had left the door open and Daryl tried to get out. He met the girl who was with Dwight, back in the woods, where he had helped them and they took all his stuff… She told him to go back. He didn’t.  
Daryl ended up back in the cell, beaten up, but not yet broken.

_You were already strong when I first met you, but now… This world suits you. You fit in._

Paul’s words echoed in Daryl’s head and he was wondering, if he would ever see him again. He wanted to see him again, see him smile, hear his heartbeat… And he wanted to be able to look into his eyes, when he was standing in front of him.

The door opened and he got his daily sandwich. Daryl didn’t touch it. Dwight tried to force him but he threw it back into his shit-face.  
In return, he got a photo of what had been left of Glenn, after Negan was done with him, and a sad song.  
It was too much..  
Daryl’s wall broke and he started to cry..  
He cried over his dead friend and his lost love, knowing he would never allow himself to get it back, even if he got the chance. He took Glenn from Maggie and the unborn child, he didn’t deserve happiness, not ever again. Still, he wanted to see Paul again.. he wanted him to take the pain away..  
Daryl wanted this happiness more than ever and he hated himself for that.  
The next day, he woke up in his own puke.. got dragged into a nice room and the offer to have it. Negan offered him to have a good life in a nice room and to work for getting good stuff. All he had to do was saying that he was Negan. Maybe he could have taken the opportunity for a better chance to escape, but if he would say he was Negan, even if he didn’t mean it, he would never be able to look Paul into the eyes again. He wouldn’t take shit from Negan, not a bit. Maybe he was broken.. maybe he would never heal from this.. but he was still Daryl.

***

“The Saviors will come soon.” Jesus said, while looking out of the window of his trailer.

“Do you think you can get me a map?” Sasha asked and Jesus looked at her. “What do you wanna do?” 

“Kill Negan..” she said and looked at him. Her eyes told him that it made no sense to argue. No matter how stupid her idea was, she would go through with it one way or another and Jesus nodded.

“I think I can do that.”

“Don’t tell Maggie..”

Jesus looked at Sasha like he wanted to ask if she was sure about that and she was. She was as stubborn and stupid as he was, when he decided to sneak into the Saviors’ base to free Daryl on his own.  
Love made people act stupid, but it also made people stronger than they thought they were. It wasn’t fear or revenge, that created warriors, it was love. Sasha’s love for Abraham left her in the need to do this and Jesus’ love for Daryl made him go on a possible suicide mission as well. But he had to. He couldn’t stand a day longer, doing nothing but waiting. 

When the Saviors came to collect supplies and Jesus snuck into one of the RVs to find their base, he wasn’t even surprised to find Carl in there, with a similar plan Sasha had, just even less thought through.

Alexandria was full of brave people, thirsty for revenge and he was the last who would tell them what to do. That was the business of a leader and he wasn’t that kind of person. He was one of them, one of those who weren’t scared to take a risk. But he took the chance to ask if they knew anything about Daryl and Carl told him, that he had been in Alexandria with Negan and the Saviors, treated like a slave and Jesus’ motivation to get him out of that hell grew with every bit they got closer to the place.  
Along the way, he did his best to remember certain things, left a trace and waited for the right moment to leave the RV unseen.

He could be worried about Carl taking this dangerous journey as well, but Jesus was more impressed by the kid, than feeling the need to play nanny and if he could, he would help Carl, but he was there for Daryl in the first place.  
When Jesus decided they were close enough and wanted to walk the rest, Carl tricked him and stayed in the RV, so the problem solved itself. The boy was on his own now but Jesus used the distraction to sneak into the place with ease.  
What wasn’t so easy, was to find Daryl. First, he needed an overview and found out soon, that it was pretty difficult to get into the factory unseen.  
He checked out the place as good as possible, taking notes for Sasha, hoping to find Daryl on occasion, but even after hours, there was no hint, no sign of his friend and he decided to take the first chance to get out of that place, to come back with a better plan.

Jesus saw the man who had to be Negan, with Carl, seemingly taking him back to Alexandria and he managed to get on top of the truck, when he heard Negan call for Daryl and his heart skipped a beat.  
He peeked over the edge of the roof and there he was.. in the worst shape he had ever seen him.  
Daryl was dirty, injured, he looked broken and Jesus had to use all his strength to not burst into tears. Heartbroken, because Daryl looked like a scared animal and nothing like the man he used to know anymore and happy to see him alive at the same time.

Negan called for someone else and a guy, wearing Daryl’s vest, appeared. Jesus felt the urge to jump off that damn RV and break those guy’s neck, but he took a deep breath and swallowed the anger down.

“Dwight! Daryl needs a time out, put him back in his box for a while!” Negan called and Jesus swallowed hard.  
A box? What did that mean? Where were they keeping him?

That guy called Dwight was about to take Daryl away, but suddenly, he looked up. Their eyes met and Jesus knew there was no way he would leave this place without his friend.  
Daryl looked startled, not able to take his eyes off of him, but he also looked revived for a moment.

“I’ll find you..” Jesus mouthed and vanished out of Daryl’s sight before anyone would notice.  
He got off the RV in a good moment and snuck back into the place, following Dwight and Daryl like a ghost, but he had to hide for a moment and lost them.

“Damn..” Jesus cursed and took another way, hoping to cross paths with them again, but a voice made him freeze.

“Who are you?”

Jesus raised his arms to show that he was unarmed and turned around slowly...

 

 

***

 

 


	27. Too far gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~
> 
> I have this chap ready so why not post it, right? =) Since I am traumatized by the OITNB cliffhanger, I don't wanna leave you hanging any longer XD  
> I hope you enjoy the chapter and have a nice rest sunday =) <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

*** Chapter 27 ***

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m no one..” Jesus said, “Just pretend you didn’t see me.. please?” he asked and looked into the eyes of the young woman in front of him. She didn’t look like a threat, but this wasn’t exactly the place to find new friends and Jesus was on high alert.

She just tilted her had and he lowered his arms with a sigh. “Look, I don’t mean to cause any trouble I am just here for..”

“Daryl..” she finished the sentence, “I saw you following them.”

Jesus frowned and nodded. The woman in front of him looked so sad, he really wasn’t sure anymore if she stopped him to convict him or for different reasons.

“Look.. I just want him out of this place.. He doesn’t deserve this..” Jesus started and the woman smiled.  
“I know,” she said and lit a cigarette, then she pointed into a direction. “Follow that way and go left at the end, sneak around the building and hide by the cars for about 30 minutes. Then you go left again and you will see a little yard with motorcycles. Find the door with the matchbox and wait for him.”

Jesus listened carefully and tilted his head with a frown.  
“How do I know that it’s not trap? Why should I trust you?”

“You don’t and you shouldn’t..” the woman said, “But you don’t have a choice.”

Jesus huffed and smiled. “Fair enough.. But why I are you helping me?”

“I owe him.” she said plainly, “Pretend that you never saw me.”

Jesus nodded and watched her walk away before he followed her instructions and hurried to the place.  
The area was deserted and most of the cars were gone, but Jesus decided to hide under a car anyway, just in case. About 30 minutes, she said. If she wasn’t lying, it meant Daryl was in this building. He was so close to his love and still, he had no idea if he would see him again.. if they would make it out of this place.. All he had was the word of a stranger who lived here and how much was that worth? But she seemed genuine.. maybe he could trust her… he had to.  
He was waiting patiently, feeling his heartbeat rising with every minute. For a while that felt like forever, Jesus heard nothing, then he heard footsteps and saw someone walking into the direction he was supposed to go.  
By the shoes, he could say it was a guy, tall and probably armed, so he stayed quiet.  
The guy vanished and he heard voices around the corner, then the sound of someone getting beaten down and he left his spot and rushed around the corner, seeing Daryl beating the shit out of that guy.  
He was in rage, there was blood everywhere and when Daryl finally stopped smashing his head, he looked like in shock because of what he just did.

“Daryl..” Jesus said but he wasn’t reacting.

“Daryl!” he said again, his voice soft and this time Daryl looked up, breathing heavily.  
Jesus wanted to run into his arms and hug all the pain that was written over his face away, but he couldn’t move.  
Daryl looked back at the guy, dropped the iron pipe he had used as weapon and took the gun from his belt.

“It ain’t just about gettin’ by here. It’s about gettin’ it all.” he said with a cracked voice and walked to the motorcycles. “I got the key, let’s go.” 

Jesus looked at him and back at the guy. Before he joined Daryl, he picked up the radio from the dead man, then hurried to his friend, who was already maneuvering the motorbike out of its spot.  
Jesus climbed on behind Daryl and wrapped his arms around him. He closed his eyes, pressed his cheek against his back and held on so tight, like he was afraid Daryl could vanish if he didn’t.

Daryl started the motor and they left the Sanctuary behind. Jesus had a hard time to not just fall apart, now that he had Daryl back, but he needed to stay strong now, to give his friend the chance to fall if he needed to. He didn’t want to imagine what he had been through, but he would be there to catch him. Leaving all their personal issues aside for now, he just wanted to be there for him, as a friend.

Daryl closed his eyes for just a few seconds to feel the fresh air on his face and nothing else, not even the slowly healing injuries.

He opened his eyes, blue sky above and the road in front of him.

Freedom.

The sound of the motorcycle was the only music he wanted to hear and he sped up. 

Daryl had completely lost track of time, but he knew it had been a long while he hadn’t been able to breathe properly. His body was purely functioning on adrenaline and his mind told him to just keep driving as far away from the Sanctuary as possible.

No looking back.

But Daryl couldn’t just go far away, at least not as long as he had company.

What had that prick been doing there anyway? Risking his ass for saving him again...  
The feeling of being able to breathe properly faded and his chest felt heavy, his throat tightening.

_Daryl_

His soft voice echoed in his head.  
It had been Paul, calling his name, who woke him up from his rage, looking at him like he was some kind of monster and maybe he was.

Daryl started to feel sick and dizzy.  
He slowed down until they stopped, jumped off the bike and stumbled to the next bush to throw up.

What was left of fat Joey, after he was done with him, wasn’t any better than what Negan had left of Glenn and Abraham.

Daryl wiped his mouth clean, breathing heavily, not daring to look at the man behind him, who used to be his friend..his lover...

“Daryl?”

He felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched.

“It’s okay. It’s over. Take your time. We’re far enough so no need to hurry.”

“It ain’t over.” Daryl muttered, eyes focused on his own feet.

“It is for now. Let’s go home.”

“I ain’t got no home.”

“You have people waiting for you. That’s where home is.”

This time Daryl looked up, straight into the bright, kind eyes of the guy he loved more than anything else in this world.

“Nah. Can’t go back there.”

“Where do you want to go?”

Daryl shrugged.

“Somewhere?”

“You’re blaming yourself for what happened..”

“Yeah. ‘Cause it’s on me.”

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

“No one is blaming you. Maggie.. she’ll be so happy to have you back. We all are.”

Daryl’s face lit up for a split second. “Maggie is alive?”

“Of course. She’s with me at the Hilltop. With Sasha and Enid.”

“Negan took me to Alexandria.. I saw her grave..”

Jesus smiled. “I can assure you, she is alive and well. The baby too.”

Daryl’s expression darkened, remembering that he not just took Glenn from Maggie, but also the child’s father and the father’s opportunity to ever hold his kid in his arms.

“I can’t go there..” he mumbled.

Jesus sighed and turned around.

“Alright. If you wanna be a coward and run from it like you are running from everything that makes you feel uncomfortable... Drop me somewhere close to Hilltop, okay?”

Those words stroke a chord, causing Daryl to struggle with his decision.  
Should he run from his guilt or face his friends and stand by their side, when it was time to strike back...

He wasn’t a coward, though he was afraid.

“I ain’t running from shit.” he said and walked by his former lover.

What he couldn’t see was the self-satisfied smile on the other one’s face, while he climbed back on the motorbike, settling behind him with arms wrapped around him, which made Daryl feel cozy and uncomfortable at the same time.

“You can drive. I’m ready.” Jesus said but Daryl remained on the spot.

“Why have you been there?” he asked after a while.

“Looking for you, dumb-ass.”

“You gave me the key?”

“No. I had some help.”

“Asshole.”

“For what? Not being the one who freed you?”

“For risking your ass to save mine.”

Jesus snorted, followed by a soft chuckle.

“You should get used to it, because if needed, I will do it again.”

“Whatever.”

Daryl started the engine with more force than necessary and headed back to Hilltop with Jesus leading the way until he knew on his own.

 

“Do you wanna say hi to Maggie and Sasha or do you want to clean up first?” Jesus asked while Daryl parked the motorbike.

Daryl said nothing.  
He was far from ready to face the two who lost their partners, especially the one that was on him.

“Okay.. you come with me.. I think you could need a bath and not just to get rid of the dirt.” Jesus smiled at Daryl, but he was avoiding eye contact and just shrugged, but followed him.

Jesus escorted Daryl to a bathroom in the main building, aware to not draw too much attention on them because Gregory would freak out about having Daryl here. He took off his coat and gloves and turned the water on, bringing it to a comfortable temperature.

Daryl was just standing there with no attempt to undress and Jesus sighed. “Come on. You’ll feel better after it. Look, I know you probably want me out but I really don’t feel like leaving you alone now.. I won’t look, okay?”

Daryl remained quiet but started to get rid off the clothes that weren’t his anyway and stepped into the tub, allowing Jesus to wash all the dirt off his body, that was covered with bruises.  
Feeling the hot water and gentle hands on his skin, he slowly started to feel less like an animal and more like a human being again.  
In his cell, he had wished for nothing but seeing Paul again, but now that he was actually here, he wasn’t even able to look at him. He felt dirty, guilty, not worth getting any kind of gentle treatment at all and yet it felt so damn good.  
Daryl tilted his head back and closed his eyes, letting his friend wash his hair, wishing this moment would never end.  
He felt a pair of soft lips on his forehead and looked into the beautiful face of this beautiful human being that could have been his, if he just had been brave enough to let it happen.  
Now that the water, coming off of Daryl’s body, was clean, Jesus closed the plug hole and let the water flow to fill the tub.

“You’ll be okay..” he promised, “Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will be.” he smiled at Daryl and stood up.  
“I’ll go find you some new clothes and food. You must be starving.”

With that said, he picked up the dirty clothes on the floor and left Daryl alone to give him some privacy and time to sort his feelings.  
The moment Jesus was gone, Daryl pulled his legs close to his body and wrapped his arms around them. He dropped his forehead on his knees, closed his eyes and started to cry.

 

 

***

 

 


	28. Distant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~
> 
> Sorry for being late again, it is too hot to think...
> 
> I hope you like the chapter <3

 

 

 

 

 

***Chapter 28***

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first thing Jesus did before anything else, was burning the clothes. He was angry and sad, but mostly angry because he had never seen Daryl like that before. He walked with his shoulders down, he flinched when he touched him.. Since he found Daryl in Alexandria, he already noticed that his friend smiled even less than before they lost each other 2 years ago but now… Jesus had no idea if Daryl would ever smile again and it broke his heart.

He was so lost in thoughts, he didn’t even see Maggie coming, calling his name a few times until she reached him and touched his shoulder.

“You’re back! I saw the motorcycle… does that mean..”

“Yeah.” Jesus tried to smile, “He’s back.”

“Thank god..” Maggie breathed and hugged Jesus out of pure relief but he didn’t even find the strength to hug her back.

“What is it?” Maggie asked.

“He.. he’s in bad shape.. I’m not sure he’s ready to meet you, yet. He’s blaming himself..”

“That’s.. tell him that’s bullshit. None of what happened was his fault.”

“I know. He’s taking a bath now, I have to get him some clothes.. and food..” he babbled and Maggie squeezed his shoulder. “You go look for the clothes, I’ll take care if the food.” she smiled and Jesus nodded. “Thank you..”

He was about to walk into a different direction, but she held him back.

“Hey..”

Jesus looked at Maggie with huge, sad eyes.

“You’ll get him back.” she said with an encouraging smile, but Jesus just turned around and left. He appreciated Maggie’s attempt to cheer him up, but he felt that there in the Sanctuary, something had died inside of Daryl and he didn’t know if he would ever get the man back, he fell in love with.  
It wouldn’t change his feelings for Daryl, he would always be by his side, no matter what, but he was scared. He was so scared that the Daryl he once knew was now gone forever. Worst of all, Daryl wasn’t safe here.. The Saviors would find out soon, that he was gone. They would start looking in Alexandria and then… Maybe they would keep looking at the Hilltop as well.  
Jesus returned to his trailer, looking for some clothes that could fit Daryl and picked a pair of pants that were too large for him and a button-up shirt that probably was a bit small but better than nothing to begin with.  
Sasha and Enid were rearranging the mattresses but Jesus wasn’t even sure if Daryl wanted to sleep in the trailer with them, not to mention sharing a mattress with him.

“I’m not sure if this isn’t too much for him..” Jesus said and looked around helplessly.

“I share the mattress with you.. he can have the couch.” Sasha offered and Jesus gave her a weak smile.  
“I’m making soup… I thought that would be best for his stomach if he hadn’t eaten much lately.” Maggie said, “We’ll be out, giving you some privacy.” she smiled and Jesus nodded. “Thank you..all of you.”

“Hey.. Daryl is our family, too. We all want him to be okay.” Maggie assured.

“I’ll go bring him the clothes..” Jesus said and left. He just couldn’t be around people now, every kind word made him tear up and he just couldn’t allow himself to cry. He needed to be strong for Daryl.  
Back in front of the bathroom, he knocked and waited a moment, but just entered the room after he didn’t get a reply.  
He found Daryl standing in front of a mirror, looking at his reflection. He was all cleaned up now and had a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Hey.. look at you, handsome..” Jesus said quietly, but Daryl’s look showed him that his poor attempt to brighten up the mood failed.  
“I found some clothes for you..They are mine, but they don’t really fit me.. I hope they fit you.. They are clean..at least.. and..your colors..” he added and realized that he was starting to bubble, so he shut up and handed the clothes over.

“Thanks..” Daryl mumbled and took the clothes. He wasn’t ashamed to change in front of Paul anymore. The Saviors had taken all his clothes and he had learned to keep his dignity with just staying the person he had always been.  
The pants fit quite well and the shirt was a bit tight but still better than what he had before.

“Dinner is waiting for you as well.. Don’t worry, the others won’t be there. Just...I would like to keep you company, if you allow me..?” Jesus asked carefully and Daryl wasn’t looking at him but shrugged, then he agreed with a little nod. He didn’t want Paul to be gone. He was the only one he wanted around because he hadn’t been there that night. He wasn’t sharing those memories with him, he still looked at him like he did before, just sadder, but that was probably because of his current condition and not because they have been through the same shit.  
Daryl followed his friend to his trailer and the place was already filled with an inviting, delicious scent of boiled vegetables.  
It was the first time he saw Paul’s place and still, it felt like coming home. 

_You have people, waiting for you. That’s where home is._

Daryl had no idea if Paul was still waiting for him. Probably not. Maybe he was just kind and caring now because they had a history and no one else could do the job, but still, he felt right there.

“Sit down, eat as much as you want, it is all for you. I just take this one.” Jesus smiled and took one of the two apples on the table.  
Daryl sat down and forgot for a moment how guilty he felt and that he thought he didn’t deserve good things. The soup smelled so delicious and just now he realized how hungry he was. Without needing an extra invitation, he took the spoon and started eating.  
Jesus watched his friend with a soft smile on his lips, happy to see that Daryl hadn’t lost his appetite after all.

“This is so good..” Daryl mumbled, looking like he never expected to eat something good ever again.

“What did they give you?” Jesus asked and Daryl froze for a moment, then he started poking the soup with the spoon, not daring to look up.

“Daryl? Tell me..” Jesus asked and Daryl shrugged, not willing to tell the truth. He felt ashamed but more than anything, he didn’t want his former lover to worry about him even more.  
Jesus reached out and wanted to touch his hand for comfort, but Daryl flinched and Jesus pulled his hand back, heartbroken about the way Daryl reacted to his attempt to touch him.

“What have they done to you?” he whispered and wasn’t actually expecting an answer, but this time, Daryl looked up and locked eyes with him.

“Treated me like a dog.. offered me a nice room and a good life.. all I had to say was I was Negan.. I didn’t..”

“Why? Why didn’t you just play along for a while?” Jesus asked, not breaking the eye contact.

“So I could still do this.” Daryl replied plainly and Jesus frowned, not sure what he meant.

“This?”

“Look into your eyes and know that I’m still me. For what it’s worth..”

Jesus was about to get up because he just wanted to clasp Daryl in his arms and never let go again, but Daryl was up first, stepping back from the table like he knew what he was about to do.

“I’d like to take a nap..I guess..” he mumbled and Jesus nodded, swallowing down his frustration about Daryl being so distant. “Of course.. It’s a bit full in the trailer so.. you can either share a mattress with me, but I understand if you don’t want to, so.. Sasha offered to give you the couch.. I’m also okay on the floor.. Just..pick where you feel most comfortable..”

Daryl walked a few steps and looked around, then he pointed to the corner that was most far away from the rest and settled down on the ground.  
“I’m good here..”

“I’m sure you would be better over there.. “

“I said..”

“I heard what you said..” Jesus interrupted and grabbed his sleeping back from the floor. “At least, take this..” he mumbled and threw it over Daryl, who had already curled up on the ground. Then he left the trailer.  
Daryl grabbed the sleeping bag, buried his nose in the fabric and closed his eyes. It smelled like Paul and he felt home.

“How is he doing?” Maggie asked, when she saw Jesus walking by. He stopped, staring at his feet. “You remember when I said it wouldn’t matter if he comes back and isn’t the same anymore? I changed my mind. I want my old Daryl back..”

Maggie didn’t hesitate for a second and pulled Jesus into a tight embrace, feeling her new friend falling apart in her arms.  
“This is so hard..” Jesus mumbled against her shoulder and held on tight, while Maggie rubbed his back gently.  
“I know.. You have to give him time to heal.. You said it yourself.”

“This is different.. he’s been abused before and now again.. “

“But he’s here..and you’re here. Whatever happened, you two still love each other and he’ll find his way back to you.”

Jesus took a step back and looked at Maggie with sad eyes. “I wish he would find his way back to himself in the first place.”

 

 

***

 

 


	29. Lost boy come home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~
> 
> I am so sorry that it took me so long to update here but I was a bit consumed by my other story X3.. For this one, I had 3 points in my head where to end this and I reached the first of them so I need to know if you wanna read more (I have a bit more planned) or if you are tired of this story so it would be great to know =) (Update: I have decided there will be one more chapter after this and if I decide to write down the other ideas I still had for this story, I'll do it in a sequel. Not because of the other story or because interest in this one faded, but because I am not sure if I like my ideas and until I figured it out, I won't leave this story open but give it a 'hopefully' nice ending for now =3... also... 30 is a nice amount of chapters =D)
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter an have nice week =)

 

 

 

 

 

 

*** Chapter 29 ***

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus wasn’t able to sleep that night..  
Daryl was in the same room and still so far away, it was tearing him apart from the inside.  
The girls were all asleep, he could tell by their breathing. Though he had lived on his own for so many years now, it didn’t even feel weird for him to share a room with a few other people. The difference to the place where he grew up was, he liked all these people. It felt like family. Drawn together by horrible circumstances but they looked out for each other and that was a great feeling.  
If only the one who meant the most to him would take that helping hand instead of dealing with it on his own.

Jesus closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep, as he suddenly heard Daryl roll from one side to the other, starting to kick and mumble things he couldn’t understand. He was obviously having a nightmare and without thinking, Jesus tiptoed over to him, snuggled against his back and wrapped his arms around his friend.

“Daryl..” he whispered while holding him tight, “Daryl wake up! Wake up, it’s me..”

Daryl gasped for air and was about to jolt up, but Jesus’ grip was strong.

“Shhhh.. It’s alright.. you had a nightmare… It’s just me..”

Daryl slowly calmed down, allowing Jesus to hold him and grabbed his wrists to hold them in place. They stayed like that for a little eternity and Jesus had to use all his strength to not start crying, because he was so happy that Daryl allowed him to be there for him and wasn’t sending him away.

“I wanna kill ‘em all..” Daryl mumbled into the silence and Jesus squeezed him a little.

“Whatever you’re gonna do.. I got your back.” Jesus assured and Daryl let out a shaky breath.

“Still?”

“Always..” Jesus promised.

“What you saw me do to that guy.. I.. I ain’t a monster.. I just..”

“Hey.. You don’t have to explain. And I know you’re not a monster.. You were angry and you did what you had to do.”

“You really mean it?” Daryl asked carefully and Jesus nuzzled his hair. “I do. And no matter what happened between us, I’ll always be there for you. You won’t lose me as a friend, not ever.”

Daryl squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. Friends… That is what they were now. Daryl knew that he had lost Jesus as a lover, that was his own achievement and he knew he didn’t deserve him for more or at all. Still, it hurt… It hurt so much, because Daryl wanted him back. He wanted to be with him so badly… All the stupid reasons he had made up to not be with him… It was dumb and selfish.. He had just been scared…

“What I said.. That you’d make me weak.. that was bullshit.” Daryl confessed quietly. “Actually.. You make me stronger. While I was there.. I was thinking of you and it kept me going. I just wanted to see you again..”

“You are strong on your own, Daryl..” Jesus said to keep his mind off the idea, that he wouldn’t have been able to do it alone, ignoring his rising heartbeat because he knew Daryl didn’t want to be with him. He knew that he loved him, that hadn’t changed, but everything else wouldn’t change, not until there was peace.

“Can you stay?” Daryl asked and Jesus’ heart jumped in his chest. “Of course.. but don’t you want to come over? The mattress is much more comfortable..”

“I’m good here..” Daryl said, not feeling the strength to get up at all.

“Okay.. then we stay here..” Jesus decided and snuggled up closer. “Try to sleep.. I’ll watch over you.”

Daryl knew it was stupid and he didn’t need someone to watch over his sleep, but in this moment, it just felt too good, letting himself fall in the arms of the one he loved. A luxury not everyone was able to enjoy, he thought, and felt the guilt coming back, but he was so tired..

Daryl woke up before everyone else was up, with Jesus still pressed against his back, deep asleep as well. He winded himself out of the embrace carefully and turned around to look at his friend. It was still hard for Daryl to believe, that such a beautiful human being once wanted to be with him but with him around, he didn’t feel lost. This was home.. one way or another. He picked Jesus up with ease and carried him to the mattress, where he put him down carefully and covered him with a blanket. He wasn’t even close to waking up and Daryl wondered how much sleep he had gotten, the last days. He left the trailer quietly and breathed in the damp, but fresh, early morning air.

Daryl walked a bit around until he found two fresh graves, knowing immediately, that this could only be Glenn and Abraham. He was struggling for a moment, then he settled down between them and stayed there, staring into the distance. He had no idea how much time had passed, until he got company, but the sun was up by now and Hilltop filled with life.

“Good morning..” Maggie greeted with a smile and settled down next to him, but he wasn’t even able to look at her.

“Daryl.. talk to me..” Maggie demanded softly and laid a hand on his shoulder but Daryl looked down, not able to move and she wondered if he was even breathing.

“You haven’t spoken a word to me since you got back...I won’t leave until you talked to me.”

Daryl was struggling but looked at her eventually, with tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry...” he said and his voice broke, “I’m so sorry...” Daryl knew it wasn’t even close to enough, but it was all he had.  
“Hey..” Maggie said and pulled him into her arms, “Nothing of this was your fault..”

“Yeah it was.. if I...”

“Shhhh.. Stop that. If we start to think about what ifs, we can go back much farther than what happened that night. What you did was brave.. You were standing up for your family in a hopeless situation because you are one of the good things in this world. That’s what Glenn thought and he would know… Because he was one of the good things, too.”

Daryl sniffed and hugged Maggie back, burying his face in the crook of her neck and they sat there like that for a little while.

“I need you here, Daryl..” Maggie said and the friends parted. “Will you help me win?”

He locked eyes with her and nodded.

“I’m in love with Jesus..” Daryl mumbled, like it was a horrible thing to confess and teared up again, but Maggie just smiled and blinked away a tear.

“I know, sweetie..” she said and rubbed his arm gently. “Now would you please stop wasting any more of your precious time? You never know how long you’ll have..”

“But..” Daryl said but Maggie shook her head. “No but! You don’t need my permission to be happy but if you need to hear it… you have it. With all my heart. You deserve this.”

“It’s too late.. I messed it up. I lost him..” Daryl said and looked down.

“No, you didn’t..”

Daryl and Maggie both looked up at the same time, looking at Jesus, who was standing there with his arms wrapped around his body, visibly insecure what to do.

“What?” Daryl asked and Jesus shrugged.

“You didn’t. I’m still here..”

Daryl looked at Maggie and she poked his arm and mouthed: “Go!”

He jumped up, stumbled into Jesus’ arms and kissed him so desperately, like it was the last time, but it wasn’t. This was just the beginning. The book of their story was full with blank pages and all Daryl wanted to do was to keep writing.

 

 

***

 

 


	30. Everything in front of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~~
> 
> Welcome to the final chapter! It has about double size then the usual chapters because I wanted to give you a good ending and I really really hope this is a worthy ending and that you like the chapter =)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who was with me all along the way and kept motivating me, you are all amazing!
> 
> Of course I also invite you to check out my other Desus fanfics and maybe I'll see you back there? =)
> 
> Now, I hope you enjoy and have a nice rest sunday <3

 

 

 

 

 

*** Chapter 13***

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daryl and Jesus kissed for a long time, until they finally parted and looked into each others eyes.

“Are you sure?” Jesus asked, his hands resting on Daryl’s hips.

“Yes. And I don’t need no friends with benefits shit. I need you. With me. Us.. As in boyfriends.. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.. that it took me so long but.. it won’t happen again.. You take me back?”

“Of course I take you back you prick..” Jesus said, hugged his boyfriend and snuggled his cheek against his chest. “You belong to me..”

“Yeah.. you’re my home..” Daryl mumbled into Jesus’ hair and closed his eyes. “I dunno if I’m still the same, though..”

“Don’t worry about that. Life changes people.. I changed.. you changed.. But I know that deep inside, we are still those two jerks who started a fight over nothing in that bar, while the whole world around us was going to hell.” Jesus said and Daryl cracked a smile.

“HA! I knew it.. you can still smile..” Jesus said happily and Daryl shrugged. “That feels like a different life.. don’t you think?” he asked and Jesus smiled softly. “Yeah.. but we’re still here..alive. Will you share this life with me, Daryl Dixon?”

“Hell, yeah.” Daryl said and pulled Jesus into his arms.

“Does that mean you’re staying here at the Hilltop?” Maggie interrupted with a sweet smile and Daryl nodded.

“Yeah. Gotta help you win shit, right? Also have to take care of this.” he said and ruffled Jesus’ hair.

“Damn, you two are cute.” Maggie said and gave them a short hug. “I gotta go to the gate. My shift is starting.” she smiled and left the reunited lovers alone.

“Are you okay?” Jesus asked when Maggie was gone and Daryl shook his head. “No.. But I will be, someone said. I trust him.”

“You don’t have to go through this alone.. What happened to you there.. if you wanna talk..”

“I know. But I don’t.. not now or maybe ever..”

“That’s okay. As long as you know that you can.”  
“I do.” Daryl said and kissed Jesus’ forehead. “But now I don’t wanna look back. Everything we have to focus on is in front of us.”

“I see what’s in front of me..” Jesus teased with a cute smile and Daryl bent down to kiss him again.  
Jesus raised himself on tiptoes, let his hands rest in Daryl’s neck and closed his eyes the moment their lips met, wondering how they’ve even managed to live one day without this.

“No… Oh no.” a voice interrupted the lovers and they parted, both looking at Gregory, who walked up to them.

“He...” Gregory said and pointed at Daryl, “he will not stay here and put this place into more danger than it already is.”

Jesus frowned and took Daryl’s hand. “He will stay. He belongs here.”

“As far as I know, Daniel is property of Negan and that makes him a danger to all of us. He’ll leave.”

“I ain’t property of no one.” Daryl grunted and Jesus added: “And it’s _Daryl_ for God’s sake!”

“Look, Jesus… I don’t care what you do with whom behind closed doors and I get that he’s kind of a looker, but he’s not worth the risk!”

“We are at risk everyday with the Saviors out there! They won’t come looking for him here!“

“We are not discussing this. He’ll leave today…. now, he’ll leave now and don’t look at me like that. There are already too many people in your trailer, anyway.”

“Just… shut the fuck up.” Jesus spat and tackled Gregory to the ground with one smooth move, holding him in place with one hand around his neck.

“I am so done with your bullshit,” he hissed, “This is my home and Daryl is my family. Do the math!”

“What do you wanna do? Kill me?” Gregory stuttered and Jesus took a deep breath, trying to keep himself under control.

“No.. I won’t even hurt you, though you deserve it. Things will change very soon, Gregory. You can keep hiding behind those doors and drown your fear in alcohol, but you can’t stop it like you can’t stop Daryl from living with me. He’s my partner in life and we go way back, so don’t even try. Are we clear?”

Gregory answered with a nod and Jesus released him. He got up and stumbled away without another word and Jesus exhaled and looked over to Daryl, who was suddenly right in front of him, grabbed him and kissed him hard.  
“That was hot..” he mumbled against his lips and Jesus couldn’t fight back a smile before they got lost in hungry kisses while they walked backwards and stopped when they bumped against a trailer.  
“I want you..” Daryl said and Jesus nodded. “Let’s go to your trailer, from now on, red cloth at the door means occupied!” he added and reached to the spot where he always had his cloth, realizing that it was gone and remembered that everything else he had was gone too. His vest.. that fucker Dwight was walking around with it like he slaughtered a tiger and wore his skin now. His crossbow.. Beth’s knife.. his bandana… they took everything from him..

“What is it?” Jesus asked, looking into Daryl’s eyes which had darkened from one second to the other and he understood. “They took it… I saw this guy, wearing your vest..”

“Yeah, he’ll die first.” Daryl said before Jesus could keep talking, “Don’t make that sad face.” he added and nudged his beard. “It’s just stuff..”

“It’s not. The vest was my first present for you, on our first date.. It’s personal.”

“I remember that I stole it...”

“Stop being so romantic, it’s sickening..” Jesus said sarcastically and Daryl huffed with a little smile.

“You’ve got my permission to get me something else on our second date, if you stop thinking about it.”

Jesus wrapped his arms around Daryl, leaned his forehead against his chest and closed his eyes.   
“I love you..”

“That’s already more than I could ask for..”

They shared another kiss, but before it could develop into more, a call from the gate distracted them.

“Sasha! Enid!” Maggie yelled and Daryl and Jesus exchanged a look. “We should go, check what’s goin’ on.” Daryl said and Jesus nodded. “Yeah.”

They walked around a hut to check first what was happening and when Daryl realized it was Rick with all his closed ones from Alexandria, he almost teared up. They all hugged with Maggie, Sasha and Enid and Daryl knew they came to finally stand up to the Saviors. He stepped out of the shadows and Rick looked up, his face brightening up the moment he saw him and he came his way.

Daryl stopped right in front of his best friend and brother by choice, remembering the last time they saw each other, feeling shame washing over him but the way Rick looked at him.. there was no judging, just pure relief and they fell into each others arms.

Jesus watched how everyone welcomed Daryl back with tight hugs and it made him so happy to see how much his significant other was loved and appreciated by everyone. When they met for the first time, Daryl had nothing but a shitty brother who treated him like trash. Now he had a huge family with a lot of amazing people who treated him the way he deserved it. He was just standing there watching with a satisfied smile on his face, then Rick walked up to him.

“You got him back?” he asked and Jesus shook his head. “I had help. Someone in the Sanctuary with the heart in the right place.. ” he replied and Rick smiled. “That’s not what I meant...”

Jesus frowned, then his face lit up. “Oh! Yes! And we’re official now.” he smiled and then Daryl appeared next to him. “Or...are we?” Jesus asked and Daryl tilted his head. “Hm?”

“I wasn’t sure if I am allowed to tell everyone that we’re together..”

“You can tell, I don’t mind..” Daryl said and handed something over to Rick. It was the gun he had taken from fat Joey.   
Rick took it with a nod and attached it to his belt.

“And now kiss.” he demanded and Daryl cocked an eyebrow. “Pff..” 

“Oh come on.”

“Shut up.”

“I saw it. It was cute.” Maggie interrupted and Rick shot her a look. “That’s not fair.”

“Come on, we should talk to Gregory.” she smiled and everyone followed her to the main building. 

Of course Gregory was against being involved with anything that has to do with fighting the Saviors, but the Hilltop was with Alexandria and Gregory outnumbered.

“We should go back, tell everyone. We have to be there before they come looking for Daryl.” Rick said but Jesus shook his head. “No need to go back, yet. I have this.” he held up the radio, “It’s one of theirs, long range. We can listen in, keep track of them.”

“So, if we’re not going back, what are we doing then?” Michonne asked and Jesus smiled.

“I think it’s time to introduce you to Ezekiel, _King_ Ezekiel.” he said and Daryl looked at him. “King who?”  
“You’ll see.” Jesus promised and the little group got ready to meet another group they never heard of before, but everyone trusted Jesus that he knew what he was doing.

The Kingdom was a huge place, full of people of all kinds, led by a man who called himself king and everything looked like a play at first, but the place seemed to work, they had an agreement with the Saviors as well, they had fighters, even a tiger. Still, all attempts to win them for fighting the Saviors failed. But they offered Daryl shelter for the time needed.

“I ain’t staying here.” Daryl hissed, but Rick gave him an intense look. “It’s the safest place for you to be. Stay for a while, try to convince Ezekiel. Please..”

“I ain’t going back to Alexandria. I stay at the Hilltop.” Daryl said and Rick sighed. “Maybe they’ll go looking there next if they don’t find you… They won’t come here..”

“I ain’t hiding from ‘em.” Daryl said and looked for Jesus to get some support in this matter, who was just listening to the radio, hearing Negan’s voice.

“ _We got ourselves a red situation. I need a search party. See if Daryl ran home like the dumb animal that he is._

Jesus felt anger rising in his chest and swallowed it down, heading back to the rest of the group.

“You have to go back! They will come looking for Daryl!” he announced and turned to his boyfriend, taking his hands, looking at him with his wide, puppy eyes and Daryl knew what he was about to say.

“Don’t do this..” he warned.

“Please.. just for a little while..”

“I don’t wanna be away from you.” Daryl argued and Jesus closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “You think I like this? But Rick is right… stay and try to get Ezekiel to team up with us. Please..”

Daryl stayed quiet, but his expression said enough.

“Hurry, we don’t have time to waste!” Michonne urged and Jesus raised himself to give his boyfriend a quick kiss and whispered “I’m sorry..” before the group left and the gates closed in front of Daryl’s face.

Daryl stayed at the Kingdom for a few days. He got a new crossbow, found Carol, left Carol believing everything was alright, talked to Morgan, became friends with Shiva… He needed to go back. He needed to help getting ready to fight the Saviors. He needed to be with the one he loved. Not knowing if he was okay was killing him. He knew it was part of the deal. He couldn’t have him without being afraid he could lose him anytime. But he never signed up for being in a different place for so long, so he left early in the morning, ignoring the danger and walked all the way back to the Hilltop.

When he reached the gates, Maggie greeted him happily and opened the gates for him. She climbed down from her spot and hugged him. “You’re back early!”

“Couldn’t stay there one more minute.. Where’s Jesus?”

“Oh, he left yesterday evening. Said it was personal business or something.”

Daryl stared at Maggie for a while, trying to process the information. “He said personal? Nothin’ else?”

“No. Why?”

“Shit..” Daryl said and hurried to the trailer, followed by Maggie. “What is it? Daryl!”  
“Where’s the key for the motorbike?” he asked and she handed over a little box. “In here. Would you please tell me what’s going on?”

“No time.. I have to get there before he does something stupid.” Daryl said and rushed to where they hid the motorbike.

“Going where?” Maggie asked and he yelled back: “The Sanctuary!”

“What??”

Daryl didn’t pay attention to her anymore. He had to find his dumbass boyfriend before he got himself into danger. If he was right with what he assumed…  
He didn’t even care that he was a target every minute he was out there, all he cared about was finding Jesus. He was just driving without thinking and after a while, he slowed down because he spotted a familiar figure a few 100 meters up the road. “Fucking asshole..” he mumbled and sped up again until he almost reached him, stopped and jumped off the bike to run the rest of the way, right into his arms.

“Daryl… what the hell are you doing out here?” Jesus asked and squeezed his boyfriend.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Daryl asked and pushed him away, breathing heavily.

“I wanted to surprise you...” Jesus said and opened his backpack, presenting Daryl’s vest with a satisfied smile. “This is yours. I couldn’t stand the thought someone else was walking around with it.”

“How… what?” Daryl stuttered, totally bowled over, stepping from one foot to the other.

“You think firecrackers is all I got?” Jesus winked and Daryl relaxed, slowly realizing that he didn’t need to worry about the man, standing in front of him, at all.

“Who the hell are you..” he mumbled and Jesus caressed his cheek. “I’m just Paul.. The guy who traveled to the mountains because he lost something.. not expecting that he would find something there instead. I know you think this world sucks but this is not my world.. you are.”

Daryl closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Paul’s. “I love you so much.. Told you this is just stuff.. I don’t want you to risk your life for fuckin’ stuff ever again.. Promise?”

“I promise.” Paul said and wrapped his arms around Daryl, who hugged him as well and they remained like that for a little eternity.

“You know.. No matter how fucked up this world is.. if we still have this at the end of the day, it’s worth fighting for, right?” Daryl mumbled into Paul’s hair and breathed in his scent.

“Right. I’ll keep fighting for this every day, until my last breath.. All I needed to keep fighting was you.”

“Nah.. You’re good on your own, Paul. Just.. you won’t get rid of me anymore..you know?”

Paul laughed. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

Daryl chuckled and stroke a strand of hair out of Paul’s face. “Both?” He bent down to steal a kiss and Paul smiled against his lips. They parted and Daryl took his vest to put it on and as weird as it sounded, he felt a bit more like himself again.

“Thanks for this.”

“It was nothing.”

“No.. I mean everything.. For not giving up on me.. us..”

“You know.. You could make it up to me.. I missed you a lot and… I’m sure we find something else to attach to the trailer door, so no one would come in..”

“Come on.. let’s get back home!” Daryl said, grabbed Paul’s wrist and pulled him along.  
He climbed on the bike and waited for Paul to settle behind him, snuggling against his back like he always did and Daryl loved that feeling. He started the engine and they were heading back to the Hilltop, into an unsettled future, but it didn’t matter, as long as there was still tomorrow.

 

 

*** The End? ***

 

 


End file.
